Accepting Help

As long as I can remember I have had an issue with letting others help me.  I rarely go to others asking for help, there are only a very small number of people I ask advice of. I prefer helping others, I prefer to give advice rather than ask for it.

 Recently after returning home from a women's bible study I was a mess.  I was sure I had been talking way too much.  There were several woman asking questions and me... I only answered questions... I only gave suggestions.... or shared experiences.  I never once asked a question.  I didn't put myself in a learning position.  I was disturbed by the experience.  I hate people who never want to learn, you know the type, the know it-alls.  Was that me? 

When Chris and I first married and his mother would come to visit, she was always doing things.  She didn't just wash the dishes, she moved everything on the counters and wiped them down completely.  She cleaned and cleaned and organized.  I was so offended.  Hurt.  I took it personal.  After all, if she felt the need to clean it must be that I had not cleaned enough for her.  (C).

This week, Vonda walked into my office and asked if she could help me by sending letters to the MPA representatives.  Let me give you a little back story.  A couple years ago the MPA board started a new sub committee of the board.  A marketing and recruitment committee.  I was invited, but not chair of this committee, even though I am the marketing and recruitment director.  (I'm already going into the committee feeling like this will be a committee where they decide what I am not doing enough of.)  I prepared huge folders of information about where we once were, where we are now and where we are going.  The folders sat on the desks in front of us during the committee-- while the chairman completely ignored my work and just started talking about how we needed to have MPA representatives in every church.  People that we send information to and then they can spread it to everyone in their church.  Great idea.  Yes.  I felt like my mother in law was wiping my counters down.....it needed to be done.... a great idea... but it clearly said I had not done enough.  (C). 

Lets just say, I have not been good at getting information or letters out the representatives.  I am frankly just swamped with so much- running different directions- that I never seem to get enough done for them.  So now I'm constantly criticized for not getting them the info they need.  Mind you when I do, letters come back, emails are wrong, or they don't have email addresses, etc.  It is just an annoyance.  So when Vonda walked into my office and so kindly and graciously asked if she could help send them info, I started to--- well I started to tell her that was kind but I was fine.  I can't tell you how many years I told my mother in law to just sit and enjoy, when I was drowning.  However, I have a little less (C) hanging around and so I told Vonda what a huge blessing that would be.  This week she sent me her letter and asked what I thought.  It was brilliant.  For a brief moment I started to pile (C) on my self.  I started to think things like...."You obviously could have done that.... what is your problem.... maybe she should have your job..... seriously what is your problem....  But I stopped and smiled.  I stopped and I thanked her and God for the help! 


Today, I spent the day decorating my porch.  I painted old chairs to give them new life.  Bought a few flowers that were 50% off at Wal-Mart and put them in pots that have been spider homes in my garage for several years. It was a great day and I had gotten a lot done.  I was trying to get my porch done for thanksgiving---I'm ahead of schedule.... yea!!!!

Then after a long day of work, I'm feeling accomplished, I run back to Wal-Mart to get the groceries for the weekend when Tammy  called.  I almost didn't answer because I have terrible reception in the store, but I did.  She was calling to ask if Luke, her boy was really spending the night at my house?  I was puzzled.  Wondering what she was talking about.  Then I remembered.  I had agreed to have a group who were in town for a concert spend the night at my house and it was tonight.  I had completely forgotten about it. Instantly the feeling of being ahead of schedule was done.  My mind was racing with what needed to be done before they arrived. I started to be annoyed that I needed Tammy to remind me.  I started to pile on the (C).  But I stopped.  I stopped and I thanked Tammy for the call, I thanked God for the timing.  I was at wal mart and could just get a little more.  What a huge blessing!  What a huge help!

I'm not exactly sure of all the (C) that has made it so hard for me to ask for help or to accept help, but today I was so happy that it is easier now.  I have learned to accept my mother in laws work/help as the gift it is intended to be.  I accepted help from Vonda and my department and our school will benefit.  Today my heart was filled with gratitude instead of (C) when Tammy called. 

Tonight I am wondering how many times we all hesitate to ask for what we need, want, for answers with our Lord and Savior.  How many times am I filled with too much shame to fall on my knees or face first and beg for his help in my life.  How many times?  "Come unto me all ye who labor"

 So to Vonda Seals.... what an angel you are and I so much appreciate what you are doing for me!!!!  To Tammy, thank you so much for letting the Holy Spirit use you today!  What a huge help it was!  To all the ladies at the bible study,  I have learned from you and I am so sorry I was not able to vocalize that at the time.  What a blessing getting together and learning from each other can be!  To my Lord and Savior, I need you!  I need need you!  I need need need you!!!!