A writer

As a little girl I remember taking tape, scotch tape, just an inch or so long and putting it on the tip of my fingernail and then wrapping it around my finger to make a long fake finger nail.  After all ten fingernails were long, I would find pieces of paper and a pen and pretend to write something important. I didn't slow down to formulate sentences, or complete thoughts, I just wrote.  I used fancy scribbles and talked gibberish, while my mind was filled with grandiose thoughts of writing something important and very grown up. I also used those taped finger nails to flip through books I couldn't read and I pretended they were mine, that I had written them.  I played this way more than I played dolls, or dress up, or anything else for that matter.  I went through many a roll of scotch tape making fake finger nails.

Fast forward to my freshman year in college, I had a quaky English professor who was considered by many as, "off the wall",  "past her prime", or "down right crazy".  I was amused by her, and found her Comp 101 class easy.  We just wrote essay after essay.  At the end of the semester she called me into her office.  I was worried.  Over the years I had been called into see teachers and it was never for a good reason so needless to say I was uncomfortable walking into her office.  Her office looked like you would expect from an English professor with her reputation.  There were papers everywhere, her desk was a crazy mess. She asked me to sit down and then said, "I don't think you should be a pre med student."  Instantly I was filled with shame, wondering who had told her about my C- in General Biology--- but what was it to her--- why was it any of  her business.  Then she proceeded to tell me that she thought perhaps I should change my major and become an English major.  She talked about how I was a writer and needed to use it.  Instantly I shut her off, after all such talk just proved what everyone said about her--- she WAS crazy.

A couple months later I take the 16pf personality profile.  Career suggestions for me----1. Writer.... I instantly skip it, laugh at the notion, consider it a fluff stupid idea that is not me at all--- continue looking down the list for something that I thought I might possibly enjoy.  I looked for something that was impressive.  I looked for something that wasn't just a fluff title, but a real job.  What was a real job?  A job in a helping profession.  A job in the medical community, psychology etc.  Maybe a hospital administrator or a Dentist.  Frankly any of those jobs that carry prestige and are considered of value.  Writer?  Are you kidding me?  Writers are people who have their head in the clouds.  Writers are poets, dreamers, not finishers.  They may philosophize or tell stories but they don't do anything of real value.  There are people who write and then people who do.  I wanted to find the profession on the list where people do.

Now it is 20 plus years later and I am still looking at those lists trying to find the perfect fit.   Who and what am I.  I am a wife, I am a mom, I am a recruiter and marketing director, an almost counselor, is that it? Is that enough? This past year,  I blogged everyday, found myself needing it, and these past couple months--- boy have I missed it. So does that mean I'm a writer, or is it just a hobby.  Am I supposed to focus on it or just do it for fun.  If I do it for fun, does that mean I am a writer, or do I have to publish to be a writer?  So many questions.  Oh and there are more..... but I will spare you.

I don't have all the answers, but I have come to this conclusion...... ready?

One thing I know is the 6 letter word starting with w and ending with r, has kept coming up over and over again throughout my life.  I don't know the mechanics of the craft, I have a very small vocabulary, I hate reading and I don't know how to write poems, but.... for some reason the word--- that title keeps coming back up again and again.

I struggle with the notion that there are people everywhere who like to say they are painters, or writers, or pastors, or teachers and we all know they are not!  Am I one of those? 

I started writing this blog last week and then decided it needed editing.  I needed to polish it up, make it perfect.  After all if I am going to claim the title of writer then I better make this post good--- no I better make it perfect!  Seriously?

Here it goes.... I'm jumping off a cliff.... I'm claiming it..... accepting it..... embracing it.....


After a month of living without the joy of writing, after a month of going through my days thinking about what I wanted to write, after recalling stories throughout my life; I have come to the conclusion.... dare I say it... write it.... I am a writer!  I am a writer!  I, Beth Grissom, am a writer.

This does not mean I am a good writer or a great writer.  It doesn't mean I have aspirations of becoming famous or known for writing. It just means, perhaps I have for far to long, ignored that little girl with tape all over her fingers, paper and pens, and an imagination that dreamed of writing.  Perhaps that little girl, was wiser than I have given her credit for.
I don't use paper and pens, or put tape on my fingers, but the desire--- it is still there and I am going to--- for reals--- honor that little girl and call myself--- A writer!