Day 8

My grandmother Chalmers used to always say that if you want to get rid of something the best thing to do is to have something to fill it's place.  For example, if you want your kids to stop watching so much TV then have something else that is fun and interesting for them to do. (Grandma Chalmers bought video games for us kids back in the early eighties, she was the coolest Grandma ever!) This thought kept coming to mind as I thought about what (C) I wanted to get rid of today.  I know that today my life was filled with lots of wonderful things! Today I got up early and rushed out the door to work.  There were several things that I needed to get done before the freshman class reported for duty. I was handing over to them the job of folding and stapling the bulletin for Sabbath. I was worried that they would rush and not do a good job. Sometimes it is hard to turn things over to other people. I did and they did an amazing job! I was so thrilled to get it done. All the freshman just did a really remarkable job getting things done for me.  Then I had a nice lunch with Beth and Tammy. I looked like a bum next to the ever elegant Beth and beaut Tammy, but I couldn't think of a place I would rather be.  We had a delicious lunch. To cut this short I will say this.  Today was filled with blessings and positive interactions.  I was reminded that living minus the crap means that I must fill the space once filled with crap with other things.  Positive things.  Praises, God time, Confidence, Peace, Friendships, Connection and so much more.  I did that today.  No I don't have a list of (C) that I have gotten rid of but today I filled some of those holes with praise, God, and friends.  Thank you Beth and Tammy, God and the Freshman Class! Thanks to my Grandma Chalmers for her wisdom, you are missed! Happy Sabbath to all. 

Day 7

It is technically day 8 at 1:30 a.m., but I just arrived back at my grandmother and grandfathers house after 16 plus hours of working.  I had decided to skip writing and just go to sleep. (I sure do need the sleep) But here I am writing. I guess I really want to stick to my commitment of writing everyday for 365 days. It occurs to me perhaps I am writing because I am listening to the voice in my head telling me I never finish or stick to anything and I am rebelling.  Perhaps I should stop listening to the voice and just go to bed. Yet I write. I suppose, more true is this, I DO FINISH THINGS!  I even stick to things, but because routine bores me, and because I have listened to the ick that has been told to me for so long, I have labeled myself a quitter. I'm not a quitter.
Last week I had a very difficult time fighting the lies I have become so comfortable with.  I kept fighting the lies: I'm fluff with no substance, ideas with no follow through, and emotional not rational. I think tonight I wanted to write because I want to listen to the TRUTH and prove it with action.  I am smart, I pay attention to details, I complete projects all the time, I stick to things that have great value and purpose, I know how to solve problems and work hard.
So tonight I am letting go of the lies! Tonight is not as much about rebelling or proving something, but simply acknowledging the value of this experiment and being who I know I am. 

Tonight (or very early this morning) finds me...
Minus (-) the lies!

Day 6

So today I realized there is a whole different class of crap that I have been holding on to. It is this, Other Peoples Crap. This morning my 92 year old grandparents were scolding me for being up at midnight, (they saw the light on the bushes outside their bathroom window) and when I told them I was the new drama teacher they were quick to tell me how wrong it was to do drama. They were just critical and sad today.  Now I can intellectually tell you that they are 92, their cognitive abilities are lacking so just feel sorry for them and move on.  I KNOW that but my habit, my way is to try to convince them it is alright that I was up at midnight and reassure them the drama we are doing is not evil.  I tried to share the message, the reason for drama and I lied and told them I was working on a project at midnight.  The truth was much less important, I couldn't sleep so I was on my computer watching old TV.  Why the lie, why the need to explain myself, not exactly sure. I do know this, it is not just about saving face with them.  It is not just about the shame I feel if I am not who they want me to be, (although there is a lot of shame).  I have this weird desire to help to make their world sweet smelling too.  I try covering up their crap. Or at the very least not letting the stench of their crap out.  ERGGGGGGGG. 
It is sick I am willing to accept the shame, it is sick that I feel the need to help cover up their crap.  I must let it go.  I must set down the shame and their crap.  I must let them handle it.
Today, I am setting down my grandparents crap! Today, I am going to let go of the shame I feel when they are so critical of me and others! 

Day 5

Today was a day filled with so many blessings that I can't find anything to subtract! How great is that! I started my day trying to get packed and on my way over to Asheville to spend the next week working.  I dreaded leaving my home, and man so the process of getting out the door was slow.  Once I arrived at work, had a great meeting with the chaplain, then on to drama class where I was energized to be working with the students, and then on to staff meeting where I was reminded of the blessings!  I am blessed to be working with a group of people who come together to pray.  I am blessed to be working with a group of people who share my love for Christ.  I know this job doesn't pay enough.  I know this job takes up so much time outside of the normal work hours, this job is a lifestyle.  I know that this job takes so much of all of us at times, but tonight I was reminded that I love my job.  I love the students, I love the staff, and most importantly I love the mission! So today I can honestly say I have no crap to let go of.  Oh what a blessing these days are. 

Tonight we talked a lot about Linda Grow who is very ill and in the hospital.  George is struggling to survive in every way! This is such a difficult time for them.  My heart and prayers go out to them.  Monday on campus the staff and students prayed. Today we prayed, tonight I will pray.  Lord surround the Grow family and may they feel your presence in the midst of this difficult time!

Day 4

Day 4 was a wonderful day where I was reminded that relationships are most important. Yes eating healthy is important, exercising is important, but building and developing relationships is also important. I know today I was able to spend time with a dear friend, my God children and my husband. It was a full day of blessings.  I know today lowered my stress levels, encouraged me, and gave me strength to  start a week that will have plenty of stress.  Health is a full person experience.  Stress reduction and human contact is as vitally important as running and eating healthfully.  I have believed this for several years, and yet every time I say it or write it I hear, "that is what FAT girls say, you are just making excusses".  Well today I refused to hear it and spent a lovely day with special people in my life. What is wonderful and amazing is that when I was willing to let go of the CRAP it freed me to make some excellent choices in food.  So many times the CRAP makes me feel so defeated that I would just say, " to he** with it, I will do what ever I want" and that would translate into bad food choices, no exercise and lots of nothing time.
Today for breakfast:  steal cut oats with some apple sauce on it.
Lunch: 1/2 a panini from Earth Fare, with some corn chips and a tea
Dinner: Kale Salad, Quinoa salad, wild rice salad, and mashed potatoes from 131 Main and then Strawberry Shortcake for dessert.
So Day 4 finds me:

Minus - fat girl head games
Minus - the lies that cripple me

Day 3

One of the important reasons for doing this blog is to experiment with eating and exercising the way I think I should.  For many years I have looked at different programs or diets and even tried some; however there are always things about the different diets that I don't agree with.  I am sick and tired of always trying to fit into someones idea of how they think it should be, when I think I know how I should be eating.  So here is my plan.  


1.  Fresh food
2. Vegetarian
3. Food must be colorful
4. Keep food as much in its natural form as possible
5. High calorie food must be high quality (desserts should be homemade with good ingredients etc.)
6. Eating out...pay more eat less ( make sure to eat in quality places)
7. When eating what others have prepared for you... JUST EAT and enjoy!
8. Sit down, and toast! (make the meal an experience, light candles, enjoy conversation!)
9. Whole grains
10. Don't eat fake sweeteners or fats. 

That is about it.  Today I made homemade waffles with real maple syrup for the Kendall boys who were staying with us, Chris scrambled some eggs and browned some sausage links (veg).  For lunch I had a bowl of leftover homemade beef stew and tonight for supper lentil stew and homemade bread. I believe that it is important to invite people over and to sit down and really dine.  So we invited Carolyn to come and eat with us when she picked up the boys.  It was a joy to eat together and the food was natural whole and delicious!  It was a great day.  I spent time working on a brochure, enjoyed some down time.  Watched a romantic movie and made homemade bread. It has been a good day.  Most importantly I ate a waffle, delighted in the homemade bread and refused to let all the voices of others fill my head!

So day 3 
1.  minus - the processed fast food
2. minus - the idea that I shouldn't enjoy bread or waffles!

Day 2

Wow what a day! So day two of living minus the crap found me at the Women of Faith conference. The speakers were inspiring, the music moving, and the time with a dear friend was remarkable. Several times today I found myself wanting to dance with the music, raise my hands, praise freely. But there are still to many insecurities that prohibit me from moving in private much less in public. I did however, move more than ever in my life. I forced myself to focus on praise and love for my savior, not what people were thinking of me. I mean seriously, if I am standing there in this huge auditorium, "praising God" but only thinking, "how dumb I must look!", or "what will people think", or "am I doing this right?", "am I on the beat?", how self focused is all that!!!! YUK!!! I am wanting, desiring, to praise him and filling my mind with the other thoughts is letting my mind be filled with Crap instead of praise! HOW Pathetic!!!!!! So today, when those thoughts entered mind, I would picture my Savior in front of me, and let the words of the music and his face be the only thing to occupy my mind. Praise is not self focused! It is Christ centric and my whole life I have been at best 1/2 and 1/2 focused.


Another thing happened today. I sat there being fed by the gifted speakers and was reminded of what I know I was called to do. Speak. Then while driving home I thought what is keeping me from marketing myself and letting the Lord lead. Many years ago I had no idea where to start, but today my computer is filled with the latest programs to design brochures, business cards, and I know where to get them printed. I also have titles of speeches etc. All I need is a new picture and a few hours. For some reason, today I realized I have all the tools. (Because HE has given them to me!) There is nothing to keep me from putting myself out there, except the crap of self doubt, and since I am living minus the crap, there is NOTHING! YEA!


So Day 2 finds me....
1. Praising God with reckless abandon... it is simple, KEEP MY EYES ON HIM!
(minus - focus on self)
2. God has called me, and gifted me to speak, I HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR!
(minus - self doubt)

Day 1 Minus the Crap

So today I am starting a year long journey of trying to live a life without all the junk I don't need. So much of my life has been burdened down with insecurity and doubt. I listen more to "everyones" voice than the Holy Spirit. So today I start a blogging journey. A journey where I write about my struggles and my convictions. This is not a destination but a journey of learning the process of living without all the crap that has crippled me for so long. I want to be free of CRAP! Free to live, free to try it our way (mine and God's) instead of everyones way.

This blog may be filled with my nutritional diary, my exercise adventures, stress reducing practices and much more. Hopefully this blog will most importantly be filled with my daily praise of how the Lord is connecting with me. He is why I want to be free. I know he wants me free. I know that he died so I could be free, He loves me and He wants me to live an abundant life. Not free from struggle but certainly a life minus the crap!

So day 1, how did I start off this journey? With laughter. Tonight I went to the Women of Faith conference here in Charlotte, NC. I laughed and laughed and laughed and then when tears finally stopped running down my face from laughing so hard, they started running down my face because I was crying. I left with no make-up left on my face. The tears had completely washed it away. The tears of laughter and tears of emotion washed away the makeup I had put on to try to cover up the imperfections in my face. The makeup I had put on in an effort to improve how I was viewed was washed away. I know it washed away so much more. Laughter washed away stress and tension. The laughter combined with poinient truth washed away CRAP in my heart and soul. What a beautiful way to start this journey. Ken Davis, thank you for letting the Lord use your gift of humor to reach me tonight!