Day 6

So today I realized there is a whole different class of crap that I have been holding on to. It is this, Other Peoples Crap. This morning my 92 year old grandparents were scolding me for being up at midnight, (they saw the light on the bushes outside their bathroom window) and when I told them I was the new drama teacher they were quick to tell me how wrong it was to do drama. They were just critical and sad today.  Now I can intellectually tell you that they are 92, their cognitive abilities are lacking so just feel sorry for them and move on.  I KNOW that but my habit, my way is to try to convince them it is alright that I was up at midnight and reassure them the drama we are doing is not evil.  I tried to share the message, the reason for drama and I lied and told them I was working on a project at midnight.  The truth was much less important, I couldn't sleep so I was on my computer watching old TV.  Why the lie, why the need to explain myself, not exactly sure. I do know this, it is not just about saving face with them.  It is not just about the shame I feel if I am not who they want me to be, (although there is a lot of shame).  I have this weird desire to help to make their world sweet smelling too.  I try covering up their crap. Or at the very least not letting the stench of their crap out.  ERGGGGGGGG. 
It is sick I am willing to accept the shame, it is sick that I feel the need to help cover up their crap.  I must let it go.  I must set down the shame and their crap.  I must let them handle it.
Today, I am setting down my grandparents crap! Today, I am going to let go of the shame I feel when they are so critical of me and others!