Happy Sabbath, Happy Friday night! I love Friday night! I am still waiting for the family to get home. It is just be for 6pm as I start writing this and I am sitting almost stunned at my day! Stunned in a good, yet how did that happen sort of way. It started out just as I had planned, getting up early, starting to bake homemade bread for lunch and tomorrows agape feast! Then anxiously awaiting the arrival of Didi and her amazingly beautiful little children. We were going to have a quiet morning with bread baking in the oven and little ones running around. Then I texted Carolyn and asked her if she would like to come over for some coffee. To make a long story short, next thing you know I have a kitchen full of friends, making lunch, homemade ice cream in my new blender, and demonstrating bread making! Then after Carolyn, and Didi had left I still had another guest who enjoyed sitting and talking for a while. It was all such a delight but certainly not my original plan. Then at 3:00pm the house was suddenly quiet and still and I started trying to figure out what all I needed to get done before tomorrow for the agape feast, tomorrow night. Just as I start collecting my thoughts the phone rings and it is a room mate from high school whom I have not spoken to in years. This past year her mother died and lets just say there were deep conversations to be had. I just got off the phone with her minutes ago. So it is official today was all about FRIENDS!!!!!!! What an unexpected blessing! It truly was a blessing! ..... (Chris just got home.... I'll write more later......)
Back again... We have finished our rice and raisin supper and I am back to blogging. So nice to talk with Andrew, Anna and Chris about their day. Missing Sarah, but thankful to almost have our house full!
Today started with my devotional from "Made to Crave" (gave the wrong title yesterday! oops sorry!) it was on the story of the rich young ruler. Of course we have all heard it, but she focused essentially are we willing to give up the gluttony of food for Him. Interesting thought that I have been contemplating all day. (Not whether I would be willing to give it up but what else may I need to give up for him.) I have been contemplating the simple idea that truly what our Savior wants is for nothing to come in between us and Him. He doesn't want our relationships, our work, our food, our exercise, our health, our religion to interfere with our relationship with him. Nothing! What means the world to me, where are my riches and am I willing to let go?
Today as my quiet little gathering kept getting bigger and bigger, and phone calls kept me longer away from my work, I just kept thinking that perhaps today was not supposed to be about my plan! Perhaps today was supposed to be about connecting, about serving, cooking for others, and enjoying every minute. One thing I was reminded of was the importance of holding a baby! Holding a baby can sooth you like nothing else, holding a baby reminds you of promise, hope, and the amazing gift of life. It humbles me and reminds me how we are all here to care for and love each other and without that we are really nothing.
I struggled with C today, but I am not going to list it all! Today I struggled but set it down and tonight I am thankful for the amazing friends I have, for their beautiful children, for their encouragement and love for my children, and the joy they brought to my life today! I didn't get a chance to go running, or get my work done for tomorrow night, but it will work out and I know that God knew I needed today more than any amount of productivity! So to the beautiful ladies that had a part in making my day a special one, Thank you!!!!!!!
Tonight finds me letting go of Crap and focusing on the blessings of friendship
Tonight finds me willing to let go, of whatever it is God wants me to let go of!
Friday, January 6, 2012
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Day 104- Reflecting and Refocusing
I looked back at Day 3, and found this list. It has nothing about getting thin, it has nothing about loosing lots of weight. It is about learning to be healthy, and that is it!
I am trying to get refocused by looking back at where I have been, where I wanted to go and how I am coming. I don't need to worry about the pounds but the quality and the health of what I am putting in my body.
1. Fresh food
2. Vegetarian
3. Food must be colorful
4. Keep food as much in its natural form as possible
5. High calorie food must be high quality (desserts should be homemade with good ingredients etc.)
6. Eating out...pay more eat less ( make sure to eat in quality places)
7. When eating what others have prepared for you... JUST EAT and enjoy!
8. Sit down, and toast! (make the meal an experience, light candles, enjoy conversation!)
9. Whole grains
10. Don't eat fake sweeteners or fats.
Along the same lines, I have been very discouraged about the running. (Or the lack of running) I have been just depressed and feeling defeated about it! Every time I have gone recently it has just been bad. I am dying after 3 miles and I can't seem to increase speed and I am barely keeping pace at a 16 minute mile. Today I spent quite a bit of time looking at the process of the race, thinking about things like drinking, peeing etc. and frankly dreading it, feeling like it isn't possible and this is going to be the most humiliating experience. Then tonight I stopped in the church to look at decorations for the Agape feast I am working on and Susan asked me about how training was going. I gave her a quick and flippant comment hoping that it would go no further. But she wouldn't let it go. I finally got very honest and told her exactly how terrible it is going. She then started asking me lots of questions. (For those of you who don't know Susan she is marathon runner) To make a long story short, she was so encouraging and frankly helped me break down what I am doing and has made several suggestions to try. One of which is to slow down!!! Go figure!!! Looking at the stats in my phone, she deducted that my runs are way to fast, making the walk portion a painful recovery. Her suggestion is slow way down on the run and then try running longer. Essentially get my run and walk times closer together. She also talked about my hydration, and nutrition and discovered that I am running dehydrated and void of sugar. I tried to joke about this body having plenty of energy to pull from and she ignored my stupid fat girl jokes and stayed serious. It was a wonderful God send conversation and I can't wait to go running! I look forward to trying some tricks, to finding a comfort in this process. To working on what works for me and not worrying about what everyone else is doing!
Today I am excited about all that has taken place and look forward to tomorrow.
I also read my first devotional from Born to Crave and it was wonderful! I appreciated the reminder to crave my Savior. I am encouraged.
Tonight I am setting down the Crap of fat girl jokes! I must stop!!!!
Tonight I am setting down the Crap that tells me I can't.
Tonight I am setting down the Crap telling me I am not worth nutritious and delicious food.
Tonight I am setting down the Crap that says food comforts me better than Christ!
I am trying to get refocused by looking back at where I have been, where I wanted to go and how I am coming. I don't need to worry about the pounds but the quality and the health of what I am putting in my body.
1. Fresh food
2. Vegetarian
3. Food must be colorful
4. Keep food as much in its natural form as possible
5. High calorie food must be high quality (desserts should be homemade with good ingredients etc.)
6. Eating out...pay more eat less ( make sure to eat in quality places)
7. When eating what others have prepared for you... JUST EAT and enjoy!
8. Sit down, and toast! (make the meal an experience, light candles, enjoy conversation!)
9. Whole grains
10. Don't eat fake sweeteners or fats.
Along the same lines, I have been very discouraged about the running. (Or the lack of running) I have been just depressed and feeling defeated about it! Every time I have gone recently it has just been bad. I am dying after 3 miles and I can't seem to increase speed and I am barely keeping pace at a 16 minute mile. Today I spent quite a bit of time looking at the process of the race, thinking about things like drinking, peeing etc. and frankly dreading it, feeling like it isn't possible and this is going to be the most humiliating experience. Then tonight I stopped in the church to look at decorations for the Agape feast I am working on and Susan asked me about how training was going. I gave her a quick and flippant comment hoping that it would go no further. But she wouldn't let it go. I finally got very honest and told her exactly how terrible it is going. She then started asking me lots of questions. (For those of you who don't know Susan she is marathon runner) To make a long story short, she was so encouraging and frankly helped me break down what I am doing and has made several suggestions to try. One of which is to slow down!!! Go figure!!! Looking at the stats in my phone, she deducted that my runs are way to fast, making the walk portion a painful recovery. Her suggestion is slow way down on the run and then try running longer. Essentially get my run and walk times closer together. She also talked about my hydration, and nutrition and discovered that I am running dehydrated and void of sugar. I tried to joke about this body having plenty of energy to pull from and she ignored my stupid fat girl jokes and stayed serious. It was a wonderful God send conversation and I can't wait to go running! I look forward to trying some tricks, to finding a comfort in this process. To working on what works for me and not worrying about what everyone else is doing!
Today I am excited about all that has taken place and look forward to tomorrow.
I also read my first devotional from Born to Crave and it was wonderful! I appreciated the reminder to crave my Savior. I am encouraged.
Tonight I am setting down the Crap of fat girl jokes! I must stop!!!!
Tonight I am setting down the Crap that tells me I can't.
Tonight I am setting down the Crap telling me I am not worth nutritious and delicious food.
Tonight I am setting down the Crap that says food comforts me better than Christ!
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
103- An Example
So today I have struggled with this hold idea of my weight, etc. I have done lots of reading, thinking and praying. I have come to a conclusion. At the risk of sounding like I am giving up, I have decided that I will not let weight be an issue!!! I don't think it is physically, mental, or emotionally healthy to obsess about weight. I know I have done lots of it since I was young and it has not been working for me.
Today I signed up for devotionals, and a webcast for "Made to Crave". It is a book Carolyn gave me and Beth also talked about, that is about craving God instead of food. About letting him fill holes etc. I think it will be good for me and I am excited to read it and start participating, but the focus for me will be on the craving God part!
I am going to keep working on running and exercising but not worrying about weight.
Today I ate a huge plate of lettuce with cold leftover lentils on top and enjoyed it very much! I know it was good for my body and I liked feeding it with nutrients and good protein! However I also enjoyed some instant homemade ice cream made in our new Blendtec blender. Why am I telling you this... I'm not sure. Just thinking about this subject brings up so much Crap for me I can't even begin to tell you! Honestly working on this part of my life will be the most difficult thing ever. Not because of the hard work of loosing weight but perhaps the hard work of being willing to stay just as I am. I am not convinced at this point that going through everything it will take to significantly change this body is good for me. Saying that is like opening up flood gates of Crap for me. I know how it sounds and what many of you must be thinking!!!! However, I can't!!!!!.... I must not!!!!! worry about that! At this point I am feeling very convicted that I need to do exactly what I believe is right and that is to worry about everything else in my life and work on living a healthy God craving life! If that results in some weight loss fine, but for me perhaps the harder work will be accepting myself just as I am.
Today I was reminded of when I felt convicted that I needed to wear a wedding band. I knew I needed to, I knew it was right for me and yet I hated the idea that I would in the eyes of many conservatives look like I was back sliding. I was starting down the slippery slope of leaving the church. (I realize how silly that sounds today but it was a very real and genuine fear.) I finally came to the conclusion that I could be an example of someone who was not the stereotypical badventist. (Please don't anyone think that I think wearing jewelry of any kind makes you a badventist! ) At the time I knew I could be an example of someone who may wear a wedding bad but who is still a shining light for God.
I guess after much contemplation I believe that I will at this point strive to be a person who perhaps dispels the stereotype that if you are heavy you are lacking self control, you are unhealthy and you are an emotional eater. I just want to work on being a healthy person for Christ, and let this body be what it is. Perhaps it will change and I will end up skinny! I won't complain! I will not let my weight be the primary focus of my life. It has dominated to much for to long, my heart, my insecurities, my soul and I am done!!!!! I am going to try to daily look in the mirror and declare myself a beautiful child of God! I am going to spend time each day treating this body to water, nourishment and exercise. I am going to spend time everyday learning more about how to Crave God! About how to be the woman he would have me be. I am done with the CRAP!!!!!!! that says if I had it all together I would just be skinny!
As I am sure you can tell from this post I have been struggling with way to much Crap today and I am tired. I am ready to go to bed, ready to start another day tomorrow. I did not live today minus the crap! I spent today fighting it and I'm glad the day is over.
Tonight, I am trying to be content just as I am.
Today I signed up for devotionals, and a webcast for "Made to Crave". It is a book Carolyn gave me and Beth also talked about, that is about craving God instead of food. About letting him fill holes etc. I think it will be good for me and I am excited to read it and start participating, but the focus for me will be on the craving God part!
I am going to keep working on running and exercising but not worrying about weight.
Today I ate a huge plate of lettuce with cold leftover lentils on top and enjoyed it very much! I know it was good for my body and I liked feeding it with nutrients and good protein! However I also enjoyed some instant homemade ice cream made in our new Blendtec blender. Why am I telling you this... I'm not sure. Just thinking about this subject brings up so much Crap for me I can't even begin to tell you! Honestly working on this part of my life will be the most difficult thing ever. Not because of the hard work of loosing weight but perhaps the hard work of being willing to stay just as I am. I am not convinced at this point that going through everything it will take to significantly change this body is good for me. Saying that is like opening up flood gates of Crap for me. I know how it sounds and what many of you must be thinking!!!! However, I can't!!!!!.... I must not!!!!! worry about that! At this point I am feeling very convicted that I need to do exactly what I believe is right and that is to worry about everything else in my life and work on living a healthy God craving life! If that results in some weight loss fine, but for me perhaps the harder work will be accepting myself just as I am.
Today I was reminded of when I felt convicted that I needed to wear a wedding band. I knew I needed to, I knew it was right for me and yet I hated the idea that I would in the eyes of many conservatives look like I was back sliding. I was starting down the slippery slope of leaving the church. (I realize how silly that sounds today but it was a very real and genuine fear.) I finally came to the conclusion that I could be an example of someone who was not the stereotypical badventist. (Please don't anyone think that I think wearing jewelry of any kind makes you a badventist! ) At the time I knew I could be an example of someone who may wear a wedding bad but who is still a shining light for God.
I guess after much contemplation I believe that I will at this point strive to be a person who perhaps dispels the stereotype that if you are heavy you are lacking self control, you are unhealthy and you are an emotional eater. I just want to work on being a healthy person for Christ, and let this body be what it is. Perhaps it will change and I will end up skinny! I won't complain! I will not let my weight be the primary focus of my life. It has dominated to much for to long, my heart, my insecurities, my soul and I am done!!!!! I am going to try to daily look in the mirror and declare myself a beautiful child of God! I am going to spend time each day treating this body to water, nourishment and exercise. I am going to spend time everyday learning more about how to Crave God! About how to be the woman he would have me be. I am done with the CRAP!!!!!!! that says if I had it all together I would just be skinny!
As I am sure you can tell from this post I have been struggling with way to much Crap today and I am tired. I am ready to go to bed, ready to start another day tomorrow. I did not live today minus the crap! I spent today fighting it and I'm glad the day is over.
Tonight, I am trying to be content just as I am.
102-Interesting day
Well today has been the first day where I have not had something pressing to do, and where I was home by myself for most of the day. I struggled more today than any other day this vacation. Several factors have played into the struggle with Crap.
First, even though I gave myself permission to have a PJ day, I just kept struggling with feeling guilty about my lazy day. I struggled with (C) like, "you are reverting, this process really isn't changing you that much, after all, it has only been easy when people were around, etc" I kept trying to put it down but there is no question the struggle was much greater!
Second, I have been asked by our pastor to organize an Agape feast at our church this sabbath evening. I am excited about doing it, it is fun doing something creative, and yet all the old insecurities of long ago keep coming back up. For example, I always felt like people only saw me as creative, the decorator, the person with fluff but no substance. I remember all those old feelings and it has been hard today not taking them on again. I know it is (C) but I have so struggled with it today.
I have been somewhat productive working on the Agape Feast, sending emails, calling our pastor, and spending time just planning and thinking about what I want to do and how. (Simply the fact that I felt compelled to tell you this shows the struggle!)
I know that today I learned a couple things. 1. It is so important to keep praying and to not let my guard down. It may be easier but the (C) still keeps coming up and I need to keep asking God for his strength to put it down. I need to keep Him close and present in mind. 2. It is harder when I am alone and I don't think that is because I am weak or a looser... (C).... but it is harder because when we are surrounded by good people we have additional strength. We were not meant to be alone. When the people around us have Him living in their hearts He is tangibly with us. When I start to say or think something and Chris holds up his hands in the shape of a C..... it is easier to not even go there.... Or when Becca does the same.... or when other friends say something..... tell me to put it down. Being alone makes this more difficult, and that doesn't make me weak, but simply blessed by the people around me. This gives strength to the argument that if we are willing to be open with our struggles to those we love and trust perhaps it would make the struggles easier to overcome. It goes to show that keeping struggles to ourselves strengthens the struggle.
Today finds me, thankful for those around me who have been willing to walk this journey with me. Today finds me realizing the vulnerability of this process gives me strength. Funny how that works!
First, even though I gave myself permission to have a PJ day, I just kept struggling with feeling guilty about my lazy day. I struggled with (C) like, "you are reverting, this process really isn't changing you that much, after all, it has only been easy when people were around, etc" I kept trying to put it down but there is no question the struggle was much greater!
Second, I have been asked by our pastor to organize an Agape feast at our church this sabbath evening. I am excited about doing it, it is fun doing something creative, and yet all the old insecurities of long ago keep coming back up. For example, I always felt like people only saw me as creative, the decorator, the person with fluff but no substance. I remember all those old feelings and it has been hard today not taking them on again. I know it is (C) but I have so struggled with it today.
I have been somewhat productive working on the Agape Feast, sending emails, calling our pastor, and spending time just planning and thinking about what I want to do and how. (Simply the fact that I felt compelled to tell you this shows the struggle!)
I know that today I learned a couple things. 1. It is so important to keep praying and to not let my guard down. It may be easier but the (C) still keeps coming up and I need to keep asking God for his strength to put it down. I need to keep Him close and present in mind. 2. It is harder when I am alone and I don't think that is because I am weak or a looser... (C).... but it is harder because when we are surrounded by good people we have additional strength. We were not meant to be alone. When the people around us have Him living in their hearts He is tangibly with us. When I start to say or think something and Chris holds up his hands in the shape of a C..... it is easier to not even go there.... Or when Becca does the same.... or when other friends say something..... tell me to put it down. Being alone makes this more difficult, and that doesn't make me weak, but simply blessed by the people around me. This gives strength to the argument that if we are willing to be open with our struggles to those we love and trust perhaps it would make the struggles easier to overcome. It goes to show that keeping struggles to ourselves strengthens the struggle.
Today finds me, thankful for those around me who have been willing to walk this journey with me. Today finds me realizing the vulnerability of this process gives me strength. Funny how that works!
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
101- The second day of the Year
Well as this year starts I have two struggles that I need to deal with. I know so are 99% of all those who set New Years resolutions, but it is something I must work on regardless. The whole point of this blog was to deal with the way I eat and exercise and that has not happened. I also know that I have blogged about needing to make it a priority and that still hasn't happened. Today I was thinking about how many times I have struggled with the house and how out of control I have felt in that area and how much easier it is getting. I know the success in that area has to do with letting the Crap go.
Sabbath I had some unexpected guests and as the woman was talking about her crazy cleaning Friday, I was looking at crumbs on my floor. I instantly started to be critical of myself and instead just listened to her story and let it go. Later after the party with stuff everywhere and the floors quite dirty I was so thankful I not gotten everything clean before the party and so thankful I had not wasted time and energy piling Crap unnecessarily on myself. The lack of crap has really given me more energy. I fell more energized and free. It is all making the issues with cleaning so much easier and the house is getting clean!!!!!
I am praying that somehow this process will also help in the area of diet and exercise. I feel discouraged and overwhelmed in this area. But I do at least have the hope that if this journey has helped me in the area of my house and in so many other areas perhaps in God's time it will help in this area of food and exercise. I hope!
Sabbath I had some unexpected guests and as the woman was talking about her crazy cleaning Friday, I was looking at crumbs on my floor. I instantly started to be critical of myself and instead just listened to her story and let it go. Later after the party with stuff everywhere and the floors quite dirty I was so thankful I not gotten everything clean before the party and so thankful I had not wasted time and energy piling Crap unnecessarily on myself. The lack of crap has really given me more energy. I fell more energized and free. It is all making the issues with cleaning so much easier and the house is getting clean!!!!!
I am praying that somehow this process will also help in the area of diet and exercise. I feel discouraged and overwhelmed in this area. But I do at least have the hope that if this journey has helped me in the area of my house and in so many other areas perhaps in God's time it will help in this area of food and exercise. I hope!
Monday, January 2, 2012
100- 1st Day of the New Year!
So I completely forgot to blog! The first time I just completely forgot! Sadly it was on the 100th day and the 1st day of the year! I am sad that I missed the opportunity to blog on the first day of the year and the 100th post, on time....ergggg.....
Well, I am not going to add Crap just because I forget, so I will write the 100th post.
I think forgetting in some ways is good news. I was having such a delightful time with Chris and things were finally quiet, I became completely occupied by a movie and talking with Chris about our New Years Eve party, and the quiet we were enjoying. It was so peaceful blogging just never entered my mind. Crap never entered my mind!
So the first day of the new year and I have completed 100 days of blogging. That is pretty impressive for me. I can't think of anything that I have done more consistently. It might sound funny writing that on the day I forgot to blog. However, I am proud of doing this for more than a couple weeks.
I have been reflecting on some of the changes.
1. I have been getting things done around the house on a much more consistent basis. The last several days I have been trying to put my finger on what it is that has made the difference. I know I just feel lighter, I feel like life is not as overwhelming as it has been. I have not been all or nothing. In the past I would feel the need to completely finish everything and if I didn't have the time or energy I just did nothing. I have been successful in just working for a few moments here and there and not feeling the pressure to do it perfectly and completely. It has made a huge difference. For example, this morning when I went into the kitchen there were dishes from last night that needed washing and just stuff everywhere, left over food, etc. I wanted to make healthy food today, and knew I needed the kitchen cleaner. So I just started washing dishes, Chris came in and helped, I put away party items, threw away an old plant that has been struggling for years, I wiped down counters, cabinets, and before I knew it the kitchen look wonderful. I did more than I had planned but was enjoying it. I would never have done that in the past, because it seems over whelming but today I just said, I will do a little.... and it ended up being much!
2. I am not a dancing woman yet!..... but I did do a cookie dance at the New Years Eve Party.... I took hot chocolate cookies around as I was "dancing" and waved them under everyone's noes trying to entice them to take a cookie. Sounds stupid, and it was.... that's what I am so proud of! I would have never been free enough to do that in the past!
3. I have noticed a huge difference in listening and accepting the Crap! I don't automatically say it, and if I do hear it or feel it I have been very quick to identify it for what it is and put it down.!
I am thrilled, and look forward to the 265 more days.
Well, I am not going to add Crap just because I forget, so I will write the 100th post.
I think forgetting in some ways is good news. I was having such a delightful time with Chris and things were finally quiet, I became completely occupied by a movie and talking with Chris about our New Years Eve party, and the quiet we were enjoying. It was so peaceful blogging just never entered my mind. Crap never entered my mind!
So the first day of the new year and I have completed 100 days of blogging. That is pretty impressive for me. I can't think of anything that I have done more consistently. It might sound funny writing that on the day I forgot to blog. However, I am proud of doing this for more than a couple weeks.
I have been reflecting on some of the changes.
1. I have been getting things done around the house on a much more consistent basis. The last several days I have been trying to put my finger on what it is that has made the difference. I know I just feel lighter, I feel like life is not as overwhelming as it has been. I have not been all or nothing. In the past I would feel the need to completely finish everything and if I didn't have the time or energy I just did nothing. I have been successful in just working for a few moments here and there and not feeling the pressure to do it perfectly and completely. It has made a huge difference. For example, this morning when I went into the kitchen there were dishes from last night that needed washing and just stuff everywhere, left over food, etc. I wanted to make healthy food today, and knew I needed the kitchen cleaner. So I just started washing dishes, Chris came in and helped, I put away party items, threw away an old plant that has been struggling for years, I wiped down counters, cabinets, and before I knew it the kitchen look wonderful. I did more than I had planned but was enjoying it. I would never have done that in the past, because it seems over whelming but today I just said, I will do a little.... and it ended up being much!
2. I am not a dancing woman yet!..... but I did do a cookie dance at the New Years Eve Party.... I took hot chocolate cookies around as I was "dancing" and waved them under everyone's noes trying to entice them to take a cookie. Sounds stupid, and it was.... that's what I am so proud of! I would have never been free enough to do that in the past!
3. I have noticed a huge difference in listening and accepting the Crap! I don't automatically say it, and if I do hear it or feel it I have been very quick to identify it for what it is and put it down.!
I am thrilled, and look forward to the 265 more days.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
99-Happy New Year
Well it is officially 2012, and we have successfully finished hosting a New Years Eve party. We had 23 people in attendance, plenty of food and good times had by all! Chris and I are exhausted and praising God we had our children young, I can't imagine this party in 10 years.
This has been a very long day and there has been so much I would love to blog about. For example, I had the sermon this morning in two services. It was supposed to be just 10 minutes or so, and I was asked to talk about this topic of living minus the crap. Of course I couldn't say crap. I needed to have some order to my talk and I wanted to have scripture etc. Last night I tried to study and prepare and it just didn't happen. I woke up this morning and had people to feed, a shower to take (in between all the extra showers that were taking place) and a house to have ready for company. We had found out just last night that we had another family coming for Sabbath Lunch. Not a big deal but the house was quite messy, with teenagers hanging out and dropping stuff everywhere, and this family has never been to my house.... a perfect set up for Crap! I fought it and set it down. then my shower was at the last minute, making it necessary to put on make up in the car on the way to church, I also realized the jacket I put on had a stain on the front.... another perfect set up for Crap! I fought it and set it down. Then was blessed so much by the music, the kids did such a good job. I stood up to talk, turned around to face my church family and instead found a former pastor (someone, lets just say that I have had issues with) and a host of conference workers, I felt small, scared and in another perfect situation where Crap could have over come me....(REALLY!, could the crap field be any more ripe?!?)
I will say this, tonight as I welcome in the new year I am thrilled to be where I am, thrilled that this new year finds me better off than last year. At least this year I am aware of the (C)! I smell it, see it, and there for try to avoid it and wash it off. I am so thankful tonight for a Savior who yearns to give me what is necessary to give me true freedom from the (C)! I am so thankful for a Savior who promises Rest if we will just come to him! I am thankful for a family that I like. I am thankful for a husband who works tirelessly with me on a party and still wants to kiss me at midnight!!!!! I am thankful that this new years eve I am looking forward to finishing this journey and being in a very different place next year!
This has been a very long day and there has been so much I would love to blog about. For example, I had the sermon this morning in two services. It was supposed to be just 10 minutes or so, and I was asked to talk about this topic of living minus the crap. Of course I couldn't say crap. I needed to have some order to my talk and I wanted to have scripture etc. Last night I tried to study and prepare and it just didn't happen. I woke up this morning and had people to feed, a shower to take (in between all the extra showers that were taking place) and a house to have ready for company. We had found out just last night that we had another family coming for Sabbath Lunch. Not a big deal but the house was quite messy, with teenagers hanging out and dropping stuff everywhere, and this family has never been to my house.... a perfect set up for Crap! I fought it and set it down. then my shower was at the last minute, making it necessary to put on make up in the car on the way to church, I also realized the jacket I put on had a stain on the front.... another perfect set up for Crap! I fought it and set it down. Then was blessed so much by the music, the kids did such a good job. I stood up to talk, turned around to face my church family and instead found a former pastor (someone, lets just say that I have had issues with) and a host of conference workers, I felt small, scared and in another perfect situation where Crap could have over come me....(REALLY!, could the crap field be any more ripe?!?)
I will say this, tonight as I welcome in the new year I am thrilled to be where I am, thrilled that this new year finds me better off than last year. At least this year I am aware of the (C)! I smell it, see it, and there for try to avoid it and wash it off. I am so thankful tonight for a Savior who yearns to give me what is necessary to give me true freedom from the (C)! I am so thankful for a Savior who promises Rest if we will just come to him! I am thankful for a family that I like. I am thankful for a husband who works tirelessly with me on a party and still wants to kiss me at midnight!!!!! I am thankful that this new years eve I am looking forward to finishing this journey and being in a very different place next year!
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