Tonight as with every Friday I am rather reflective. Since I started this process on a Friday night I tend to be reflective about where I have come, and perhaps where I hope to go. In the past couple weeks I have had many different people who read my blog exclaim that they are surprised at what they read. Some have said it just isn't who they know, others have felt badly that they have not known this is how I have felt. Each time I have heard something like this, I have am surprised. Surprised because it is baffling to me that these feeling of aloneness, or insecurities of all manor are not written all over me. I have been sure that it was obvious. It feels obvious.
Today, I read a post on facebook about Mrs. Grow who is fighting leukemia. I thought about her body struggling with this disease running through her body. I realize she may look frail, but we don't see the cancer. We don't see the cancer that is raging in her body.
I may not always show the struggle, but the struggle is there. I know the devil is trying to fill our soul, our mind, our heart with a cancer that slowly kills. I'm not being dramatic, I really believe that the (C) kills. The (C) slowly eats away and kills. The good news is this. I really believe that keeping it in, trying to ignore it, not even realizing when it is there is what kills. I know that I am more free, I know I am lighter, I know I am getting better. I am a different person than the day I started this process. I am healthier. I am happier. I am stronger.
Tonight, I am sitting by the fire with my husband by my side. We have been listening to music, JJ Heller. There is something very soothing about Friday night. Something about setting it all down. Setting down our stresses, work, school, whatever, and just focusing on God. Frankly that is a little like what this process is for me. I have been working daily to acknowledge it and set it down. Just as there is a relief each Friday, there is a relief in my life as I work to surrender it to God and let go. To focus on truth, not perseption. I really believe this process is healing and for that I am so grateful!
This song says so much! I know I'm not alone in this process. Enjoy and Happy Sabbath!
http://youtu.be/w-F6DGGF4Qs
Friday, January 20, 2012
118- Being Productive
So today I had a plan for the day. Work on my room, do a little shopping for the closet and then go to dance class. This morning I was hit with emails and phone calls that needed my attention. At 1 I was finally thinking about working in the room. Ate lunch and emails started all over again. I finally decided to scrap my plans and get huge amounts of work done. I decided I would not stop until I had flyers designed and done, articles written, emails and phone calls completed. Well, I missed dance class and worked until midnight. I still have more to do but am certainly on my way to getting somewhat caught up.
It is very difficult for me to be behind. I tend to almost get frozen when behind. I have a hard time doing anything. I hate that and need to work on figuring out a way to get over that issue! I am encouraged tonight. I know I'm not over the hump but I am at least climbing the mountain.
I am exhausted, my brain is tired of trying to come up with words and my hands are hurting from all the typing and all the computer work today. So I will write more tomorrow, but tonight I am headed to bed.
Tonight finds me happy to be doing what is very difficult for me, climbing the mountain of projects that need completing. There is something rewarding about doing what is hard, but doing it non the less.
It is very difficult for me to be behind. I tend to almost get frozen when behind. I have a hard time doing anything. I hate that and need to work on figuring out a way to get over that issue! I am encouraged tonight. I know I'm not over the hump but I am at least climbing the mountain.
I am exhausted, my brain is tired of trying to come up with words and my hands are hurting from all the typing and all the computer work today. So I will write more tomorrow, but tonight I am headed to bed.
Tonight finds me happy to be doing what is very difficult for me, climbing the mountain of projects that need completing. There is something rewarding about doing what is hard, but doing it non the less.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
117- Not Alone
Today I have spent a lot of time contemplating last nights post. My day started with my grandparents needing my help and derailing my plans for getting to work early. Then after struggling to get the grandparents clean and ready for their day, I headed down to the basement and desperately needed Chris. I had barely started my day and I was already behind. I felt overwhelmed and yearned to be home. As I walked into my room I saw my phone and called Chris. Just hearing his voice was wonderful, but then we had a wonderful conversation. I felt connected, loved and even more desperate to be home.
I soon after headed off to work, was able to accomplish a lot, had a wonderful conversation with Beth, an uplifting lunch with Tammy, Beth and Rick, and was able to leave work in time to be home for dinner with Chris. It was a great day!
On the ride home I took lots of time thinking about last nights post. Thinking about what I can do to work on letting the walls come down. I know it won't be easy but it is simple. I simply need to start choosing to let the walls come down. I simply need to not put the walls up. So how do I simply do that. The only thing I know is that I have to be willing to be hurt, willing to put myself out there, be willing to be vulnerable, willing to let friends know when I need them. I need to be willing to share the ugly, the beautiful, just share me with Chris. Alright maybe it isn't simple! This could quite possibly be one of the most difficult things I have done. At the core of so many issues I know aloneness is right up there.
I need to make one thing clear. I am not alone! I am surrounded by amazing people who love me. I am in a marriage with the most loving man who is completely engaged in this crazy process with me. He has been willing to be vulnerable and open with me. He hurts for me, wants to protect me and is relishing in better knowing me. What an incredible gift. I am blessed beyond measure, it is such (C) that in the midst of such love, acceptance and compassion I still feel compelled to put up walls.
Tonight I am praising God for all of my friends. I spent my entire young life yearning for a friend, begging God for a friend. He has certainly answered my prayer. I love you and thank you for being the answer to my prayers. I am also praising God for a man who 22 years ago chose me and is still choosing me! Tonight I am praising God for His answered prayers and want to honor Him by taking down the walls and relishing in the blessings He has provided. How silly that I try to protect myself against the gift that God has provided.
I soon after headed off to work, was able to accomplish a lot, had a wonderful conversation with Beth, an uplifting lunch with Tammy, Beth and Rick, and was able to leave work in time to be home for dinner with Chris. It was a great day!
On the ride home I took lots of time thinking about last nights post. Thinking about what I can do to work on letting the walls come down. I know it won't be easy but it is simple. I simply need to start choosing to let the walls come down. I simply need to not put the walls up. So how do I simply do that. The only thing I know is that I have to be willing to be hurt, willing to put myself out there, be willing to be vulnerable, willing to let friends know when I need them. I need to be willing to share the ugly, the beautiful, just share me with Chris. Alright maybe it isn't simple! This could quite possibly be one of the most difficult things I have done. At the core of so many issues I know aloneness is right up there.
I need to make one thing clear. I am not alone! I am surrounded by amazing people who love me. I am in a marriage with the most loving man who is completely engaged in this crazy process with me. He has been willing to be vulnerable and open with me. He hurts for me, wants to protect me and is relishing in better knowing me. What an incredible gift. I am blessed beyond measure, it is such (C) that in the midst of such love, acceptance and compassion I still feel compelled to put up walls.
Tonight I am praising God for all of my friends. I spent my entire young life yearning for a friend, begging God for a friend. He has certainly answered my prayer. I love you and thank you for being the answer to my prayers. I am also praising God for a man who 22 years ago chose me and is still choosing me! Tonight I am praising God for His answered prayers and want to honor Him by taking down the walls and relishing in the blessings He has provided. How silly that I try to protect myself against the gift that God has provided.
116 - Alone
Tonight I am pondering aloneness. Being alone. Feeling alone. Then the opposite.... Being together. Feeling connected. It is easy to spend time thinking of aloneness when you are alone. While here at my grandparents I am in the basement. That just sounds alone doesn't it?
There have been many times when I have felt alone. I remember feeling very alone as a child. I didn't fit in with most of the girly crowds, and the boys weren't interested in a little tomboy. So I was alone. I grew up with two amazing brothers, but they weren't interested in playing dolls, so I was alone or playing trucks in the dirt and alone with my desire to play house. I felt alone returning from Africa, I didn't understand this place called adolescent USA. It is a universe all it's own and I didn't understand it! I felt very alone! I have felt alone at Pisgah as a student. I knew I was loved, had lots of friends, yet I was not really accepted in any of the clicks. I was just welcomed in all, making it.... not really in any! After all if you were really part of one of the clicks you would not be welcome at any other click. I remember crying graduation weekend when I realized how alone I was! I have felt alone in my family. Perhaps the hardest one to write because I love, really love my family and I know they love me, but I have still had times when I felt so very alone! I have felt alone in grief, alone in joy, alone in misunderstanding, alone in idea, alone in conviction, very much alone. At times I have even felt alone in my marriage.
What is this aloneness? Seriously what is it? God said that it was not good for man to be alone and that was before sin came into play. In a perfect world where Adam had no childhood issues, no (C) that he was having to wade through, God said it was not good for him to be alone. Why? Sometimes we talk about craving alone time. I have often wondered if I could go away and just be alone for a week if I would survive. What would I do? How would it be. I find God's observation about Adam interesting. First of all, I think when we read the creation story it is as if God saw the other animals with their mates and he had an "AHAH" moment. It was like... "Oh wow, this isn't good, I should make Adam a mate" "Why didn't I think of that sooner." Seriously, give God some credit! Do you really think it was an after thought. I personally think that the God who is the alpha and the omega would have considered that before. I think the idea that aloneness is NOT good was so important that he intentionally highlighted it with creation.
I also find it interesting that in a perfect world, God was not enough. Yes you read that right... God was not enough! How many times do we think, that as long as I have a relationship with God, that is all I need! Really? Adam had a perfect relationship with God. He could walk through the garden with him. Talk with him, commune with him, and God still said, I am not enough, he needs someone else. He needs to not be alone. God was not enough. I know that there are times in my life when God was all I had. God will gladly fill in. He will gladly comfort us, dine with us, commune with us, but that is not a perfect solution. He desires that we not be alone.
I think tonight I am acknowledging that the aloneness I have experienced is NOT good. The aloneness is not what God had in mind for my life. He wants me to have close nurturing friends. He wants me to be in a marriage where I am adored and where I am NOT alone. He wants me to have deep friendships because that is GOOD!
Here is the deal. Because of the hurt in past relationships I have often felt alone when I was not alone. I have put up walls. I have refused to step out. The past hurts, have made me try to say, I am enough. I don't need anyone. I have mistaken my walls for strength, and independence. Truth be told I have not been strong enough to be vulnerable. I have not been strong enough to be needy. Truth, tonight I am in my aloneness, realizing my desire to be needy. Today, I missed a friend. I finally texted her to see if I could stop by. She didn't respond. Then I sat there and pondered. Perhaps she got my text but didn't want to respond. Perhaps she was too busy. Perhaps she just didn't see it and would be happy if I stopped by. I finally after much ridiculous (C) decided I need to take one more step to see if it would be possible to stop by. So I called. She said yes. I stopped by. Had wonderful conversation and felt more connected. To all my friends, family, and to my husband, if I start acting like a needy friend, please be patient. I'm just trying to knock down some walls.
To my family, friends and husband. My aloneness is a result of old wounds. It is a result of walls I built a long time ago. It is not because of what you are or are not doing. It is not because you should have done anything, or not done something. It is only because of your unconditional love and support that I am even beginning to want to tear down the walls.
Tonight I am going to try to be strong enough to be needy!
There have been many times when I have felt alone. I remember feeling very alone as a child. I didn't fit in with most of the girly crowds, and the boys weren't interested in a little tomboy. So I was alone. I grew up with two amazing brothers, but they weren't interested in playing dolls, so I was alone or playing trucks in the dirt and alone with my desire to play house. I felt alone returning from Africa, I didn't understand this place called adolescent USA. It is a universe all it's own and I didn't understand it! I felt very alone! I have felt alone at Pisgah as a student. I knew I was loved, had lots of friends, yet I was not really accepted in any of the clicks. I was just welcomed in all, making it.... not really in any! After all if you were really part of one of the clicks you would not be welcome at any other click. I remember crying graduation weekend when I realized how alone I was! I have felt alone in my family. Perhaps the hardest one to write because I love, really love my family and I know they love me, but I have still had times when I felt so very alone! I have felt alone in grief, alone in joy, alone in misunderstanding, alone in idea, alone in conviction, very much alone. At times I have even felt alone in my marriage.
What is this aloneness? Seriously what is it? God said that it was not good for man to be alone and that was before sin came into play. In a perfect world where Adam had no childhood issues, no (C) that he was having to wade through, God said it was not good for him to be alone. Why? Sometimes we talk about craving alone time. I have often wondered if I could go away and just be alone for a week if I would survive. What would I do? How would it be. I find God's observation about Adam interesting. First of all, I think when we read the creation story it is as if God saw the other animals with their mates and he had an "AHAH" moment. It was like... "Oh wow, this isn't good, I should make Adam a mate" "Why didn't I think of that sooner." Seriously, give God some credit! Do you really think it was an after thought. I personally think that the God who is the alpha and the omega would have considered that before. I think the idea that aloneness is NOT good was so important that he intentionally highlighted it with creation.
I also find it interesting that in a perfect world, God was not enough. Yes you read that right... God was not enough! How many times do we think, that as long as I have a relationship with God, that is all I need! Really? Adam had a perfect relationship with God. He could walk through the garden with him. Talk with him, commune with him, and God still said, I am not enough, he needs someone else. He needs to not be alone. God was not enough. I know that there are times in my life when God was all I had. God will gladly fill in. He will gladly comfort us, dine with us, commune with us, but that is not a perfect solution. He desires that we not be alone.
I think tonight I am acknowledging that the aloneness I have experienced is NOT good. The aloneness is not what God had in mind for my life. He wants me to have close nurturing friends. He wants me to be in a marriage where I am adored and where I am NOT alone. He wants me to have deep friendships because that is GOOD!
Here is the deal. Because of the hurt in past relationships I have often felt alone when I was not alone. I have put up walls. I have refused to step out. The past hurts, have made me try to say, I am enough. I don't need anyone. I have mistaken my walls for strength, and independence. Truth be told I have not been strong enough to be vulnerable. I have not been strong enough to be needy. Truth, tonight I am in my aloneness, realizing my desire to be needy. Today, I missed a friend. I finally texted her to see if I could stop by. She didn't respond. Then I sat there and pondered. Perhaps she got my text but didn't want to respond. Perhaps she was too busy. Perhaps she just didn't see it and would be happy if I stopped by. I finally after much ridiculous (C) decided I need to take one more step to see if it would be possible to stop by. So I called. She said yes. I stopped by. Had wonderful conversation and felt more connected. To all my friends, family, and to my husband, if I start acting like a needy friend, please be patient. I'm just trying to knock down some walls.
To my family, friends and husband. My aloneness is a result of old wounds. It is a result of walls I built a long time ago. It is not because of what you are or are not doing. It is not because you should have done anything, or not done something. It is only because of your unconditional love and support that I am even beginning to want to tear down the walls.
Tonight I am going to try to be strong enough to be needy!
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
115 Baby Steps
Today I was able to share the concept of living without the (C) with a couple girls. Today I worked hard to get less behind. There is so much to do it is overwhelming!
I have frankly had a rough day. I am just going to blame it on having to leave my husband. Honestly, I dug into my room, have cleaned out a lot but had to leave in the middle of my work and that is unsettling. I have found, thanks to many of you, in this process that I am a perfectionist of sorts. I have also learned that I need to be content with baby steps. It works great in the kitchen. I am doing better with that. However my bedroom is a different story. It frankly seems pointless unless I can figure out a way to get it organized so that it can stay nice for more than a day. It also is depressing because the cleaner it becomes the more you see all the construction stuff that needs finishing. It is just hard to keep going. I am trying to remember to just keep going. Trying to remember that baby steps are better than no steps. I am trying to remember that even if it doesn't look good when I am done it is far better than (C) everywhere.
I think the same is true for the inside of me. So many times I feel discouraged, because I want faster progress. I want to wake up one morning and be confident, giving, free and thin! I want so much to be transformed completely. I don't want to be forgiven, I want to feel forgiven. I don't just want to be able to face my day, I want to go through it praising God! I don't just want to do a good job, I want to look good while I am doing it. :)
Here is the deal. I realize it may seem simple, (make the room a financial priority) we just can't financially swing getting it done. I know God wants us to put our money else where for the time being. Knowing that, I somehow have to be content with little improvements. I have to be content with small doable steps, and those steps are terribly important right now. Just the same, I must be content to take the small doable steps on the inside of me too! I may not be thin today, but I can dress neat and clean. I may not have everything together, but I can work to the best of my ability today!
Today is all about baby steps. Trying to be content in the little things. The little improvements, and know they ad up to be exactly what God has planned for me!
I have frankly had a rough day. I am just going to blame it on having to leave my husband. Honestly, I dug into my room, have cleaned out a lot but had to leave in the middle of my work and that is unsettling. I have found, thanks to many of you, in this process that I am a perfectionist of sorts. I have also learned that I need to be content with baby steps. It works great in the kitchen. I am doing better with that. However my bedroom is a different story. It frankly seems pointless unless I can figure out a way to get it organized so that it can stay nice for more than a day. It also is depressing because the cleaner it becomes the more you see all the construction stuff that needs finishing. It is just hard to keep going. I am trying to remember to just keep going. Trying to remember that baby steps are better than no steps. I am trying to remember that even if it doesn't look good when I am done it is far better than (C) everywhere.
I think the same is true for the inside of me. So many times I feel discouraged, because I want faster progress. I want to wake up one morning and be confident, giving, free and thin! I want so much to be transformed completely. I don't want to be forgiven, I want to feel forgiven. I don't just want to be able to face my day, I want to go through it praising God! I don't just want to do a good job, I want to look good while I am doing it. :)
Here is the deal. I realize it may seem simple, (make the room a financial priority) we just can't financially swing getting it done. I know God wants us to put our money else where for the time being. Knowing that, I somehow have to be content with little improvements. I have to be content with small doable steps, and those steps are terribly important right now. Just the same, I must be content to take the small doable steps on the inside of me too! I may not be thin today, but I can dress neat and clean. I may not have everything together, but I can work to the best of my ability today!
Today is all about baby steps. Trying to be content in the little things. The little improvements, and know they ad up to be exactly what God has planned for me!
Monday, January 16, 2012
114 Cleaning up from the outside in.
Today has been an emotionally charged day. We have done lots of entertaining at our home in the last several weeks. In that time the main part of the house has been relatively clean. Some days cleaner than others but over all it has been quite nice. In the evenings between events, Chris and I have enjoyed time by the fireplace. Fresh flowers around, candles etc. It has been lovely. However, in the midst of all this loveliness our room has continued to get more and more a mess. To the point that today I decided it had to get cleaned. If I am honest about it, my room is always terrible. It is always the room where we throw things when people are coming over. It is the room where I pile clothes, books and other junk. My drawers are full of clothes I don't wear, and the drawers don't work well enough to use them. The closet is a mess and the clothes I wear go from suitcase, to chair or laundry basket to suitcase. It is really disgusting! Our bathroom is the last to get cleaned, I hate it!
So yesterday evening while talking with Chris about it I kept getting very emotional. I really believe our homes, our houses are a reflection of us. Not just our style, but our personality, our soul. There have been periods of my life where our home was a total disaster. There wasn't one corner of organization. There wasn't a clean dish, or clean pair of socks in the entire house. I know you may find it hard to believe but I am telling the truth. The ugly truth. There have also been times in my life when all I did was stuff and hide the junk, the dirt and fake clean spaces. Currently there are clean parts in our home, but our bedroom has remained a constant mess.
When I shared my belief that our homes reflect us, Chris asked what I thought this said about us. I have always had parts of the house that I would me humiliated if people opened the door. The laundry room, the basement, sometimes the whole house but ALWAYS my room! Sadly! I think my life is the same, there are deep parts of me that I have hoped people would not know about. There are deep parts of my soul that I have had a hard time believing could be open to the public, even open to God and not be shamed, or rejected. The process of blogging has helped to clean out many of those dark places. It is what this process is all about. Today I knew I needed to start the process of really cleaning out my room. Once and for all it needs to be cleaned from one end the the other. I need to get it organized, I need to get it decorated, I need to transform it. Sadly I don't have the funds to do it the way it needs to be done! But I need to do what i can do. I need to get rid of (C), and do what I can to get things organized. I started today. I have a long way to go, but just like the process of learning to live without the crap in me, takes time, I am trying to be willing to give myself time, to work on the (C) in my room.
Today I was very emotional about our room because I know for years we have left it to last. We have not finished the room, we have not decorated the room, we have not put money into our room, because all the other needs of our family have come first. I feel the same about myself. I have often kept myself busy with other peoples issues, while ignoring my own. The connection made this a very emotional process for me.
Tonight, I am happy to have started one more way of living minus the (C). Tonight, I am tired from the emotional nature of the day, yet thrilled to be working. Tonight I am thankful for a husband who has loved me in spite of the piles of (C) that have affected him for so long! Tonight I am filled with gratitude and a cautiously optimistic spirit. Looking forward to a life with a whole lot less (C) in it!
So yesterday evening while talking with Chris about it I kept getting very emotional. I really believe our homes, our houses are a reflection of us. Not just our style, but our personality, our soul. There have been periods of my life where our home was a total disaster. There wasn't one corner of organization. There wasn't a clean dish, or clean pair of socks in the entire house. I know you may find it hard to believe but I am telling the truth. The ugly truth. There have also been times in my life when all I did was stuff and hide the junk, the dirt and fake clean spaces. Currently there are clean parts in our home, but our bedroom has remained a constant mess.
When I shared my belief that our homes reflect us, Chris asked what I thought this said about us. I have always had parts of the house that I would me humiliated if people opened the door. The laundry room, the basement, sometimes the whole house but ALWAYS my room! Sadly! I think my life is the same, there are deep parts of me that I have hoped people would not know about. There are deep parts of my soul that I have had a hard time believing could be open to the public, even open to God and not be shamed, or rejected. The process of blogging has helped to clean out many of those dark places. It is what this process is all about. Today I knew I needed to start the process of really cleaning out my room. Once and for all it needs to be cleaned from one end the the other. I need to get it organized, I need to get it decorated, I need to transform it. Sadly I don't have the funds to do it the way it needs to be done! But I need to do what i can do. I need to get rid of (C), and do what I can to get things organized. I started today. I have a long way to go, but just like the process of learning to live without the crap in me, takes time, I am trying to be willing to give myself time, to work on the (C) in my room.
Today I was very emotional about our room because I know for years we have left it to last. We have not finished the room, we have not decorated the room, we have not put money into our room, because all the other needs of our family have come first. I feel the same about myself. I have often kept myself busy with other peoples issues, while ignoring my own. The connection made this a very emotional process for me.
Tonight, I am happy to have started one more way of living minus the (C). Tonight, I am tired from the emotional nature of the day, yet thrilled to be working. Tonight I am thankful for a husband who has loved me in spite of the piles of (C) that have affected him for so long! Tonight I am filled with gratitude and a cautiously optimistic spirit. Looking forward to a life with a whole lot less (C) in it!
Sunday, January 15, 2012
113- Sabbath is a Happy Day
This morning getting out of bed was quite difficult! I was sore, tired and emotional. Not quite sure what all was going on but with the help of a loving husband, I made it to church by 7:30am to practice for the early service. I was leading music with arguably the most talented musicians we have at our church. I have to confess, I struggled with (C). I know I was tired, I know I was emotional, but I also know I struggle with feeling like I am a second rate singer/musician. This morning I tried to set it down, to let go and just focus on praising God, but it was a struggle. I have not been singing much and it was not smooth or easy. The good news is that God is willing to take our imperfection as beautiful praise. It was a huge blessing to sing with Didi, Sam and Carolyn. It was a blessing to worship God with my church family. There were many blessings, I just wish I had been able to worship without worrying about the (C). If nothing else I am determined to continue surrendering to God and letting him take this life and clean it! I am looking forward to the day when I can sing with these amazing musicians and not be thinking about keeping up, but thinking about looking up! After all it should never be about me, what I do or don't do, but about praising! Again, the good news is God blessed in a mighty way, not only the music, but the entire service. To Sam, Didi and Carolyn, it was an honor!
Then Gary Moyer preached an amazing powerful sermon about.... what else.... the importance of relationships! The importance of living in harmony and pursuing peace. It was a beautiful reminder to work on really loving each other and letting go of self. I was blessed! Then as we were leaving I was able to hold Ian and make him laugh! (Ian- Sam and Didi's son) There is nothing as precious as a laughing baby!
Then home for a delicious lunch, fire in the fire place and a very long uninterrupted sabbath afternoon nap. It was such an incredible nap, I can't begin to tell you. Then Chris and I went out to dinner with another couple from our church. It was a fun date night.
Tonight finds me trying to accept my musical limitations, to find the truth.... without (C)! To remember that God does not need perfection, he just needs us to be willing.
Tonight finds me thankful that I am in a relationship with a God who is patient with me and understands this process better than me. I am thankful that today he could take me, riddled with (C), and still make something beautiful! Oh what a God we serve! Oh what a blessing the relationship is!
Then Gary Moyer preached an amazing powerful sermon about.... what else.... the importance of relationships! The importance of living in harmony and pursuing peace. It was a beautiful reminder to work on really loving each other and letting go of self. I was blessed! Then as we were leaving I was able to hold Ian and make him laugh! (Ian- Sam and Didi's son) There is nothing as precious as a laughing baby!
Then home for a delicious lunch, fire in the fire place and a very long uninterrupted sabbath afternoon nap. It was such an incredible nap, I can't begin to tell you. Then Chris and I went out to dinner with another couple from our church. It was a fun date night.
Tonight finds me trying to accept my musical limitations, to find the truth.... without (C)! To remember that God does not need perfection, he just needs us to be willing.
Tonight finds me thankful that I am in a relationship with a God who is patient with me and understands this process better than me. I am thankful that today he could take me, riddled with (C), and still make something beautiful! Oh what a God we serve! Oh what a blessing the relationship is!
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