Tonight as with every Friday I am rather reflective. Since I started this process on a Friday night I tend to be reflective about where I have come, and perhaps where I hope to go. In the past couple weeks I have had many different people who read my blog exclaim that they are surprised at what they read. Some have said it just isn't who they know, others have felt badly that they have not known this is how I have felt. Each time I have heard something like this, I have am surprised. Surprised because it is baffling to me that these feeling of aloneness, or insecurities of all manor are not written all over me. I have been sure that it was obvious. It feels obvious.
Today, I read a post on facebook about Mrs. Grow who is fighting leukemia. I thought about her body struggling with this disease running through her body. I realize she may look frail, but we don't see the cancer. We don't see the cancer that is raging in her body.
I may not always show the struggle, but the struggle is there. I know the devil is trying to fill our soul, our mind, our heart with a cancer that slowly kills. I'm not being dramatic, I really believe that the (C) kills. The (C) slowly eats away and kills. The good news is this. I really believe that keeping it in, trying to ignore it, not even realizing when it is there is what kills. I know that I am more free, I know I am lighter, I know I am getting better. I am a different person than the day I started this process. I am healthier. I am happier. I am stronger.
Tonight, I am sitting by the fire with my husband by my side. We have been listening to music, JJ Heller. There is something very soothing about Friday night. Something about setting it all down. Setting down our stresses, work, school, whatever, and just focusing on God. Frankly that is a little like what this process is for me. I have been working daily to acknowledge it and set it down. Just as there is a relief each Friday, there is a relief in my life as I work to surrender it to God and let go. To focus on truth, not perseption. I really believe this process is healing and for that I am so grateful!
This song says so much! I know I'm not alone in this process. Enjoy and Happy Sabbath!
http://youtu.be/w-F6DGGF4Qs
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