I head back to Pisgah in the morning. Vacation is over. I was reflecting on my vacation and it was amazing. Filled with gatherings with people we love, fun and lots of work! Left school, to start vacation and started working to get ready for our weekend at the Beach with the Andersons, then home to get ready to go to my parents for Christmas, then home to get ready for our New Years Eve party, then get ready for the Agape Feast. Now it is time to go back to work. I am excited about getting back to work. Seeing the students. Getting things checked off my to do lists. But as always I hate leaving my home and more importantly the man who makes it home.
So I have been thinking and talking a lot about last nights post. This is the deal. This blog has given me just a little glimpse of the healing that can take place when we are able to to open about who we are, what we like, and what we struggle with. This has led to me wanting more than anything to be able to be really free. Free to share without fear of what those in the church think, or what anyone thinks. (Maybe I'm going through a teenage rebellion :)) JK. I don't want to waist energy worrying about what anyone else thinks. I have plenty to do just praying about what Christ thinks and wants. If my church or any church is going to be filled with those who are critical of others than it will not be an environment for the Holy Spirit to work on their hearts. After all it is very difficult to listen to the Holy Spirit if they are thinking about what everyone else thinks. Example: I love nail polish! I have always loved nail polish. Before New Years Eve I went and bought some dark gray, (looked black) nail polish to match my party outfit! I love, black, red, or french manicure. I just think all three can look so classy. So I painted them "black" and have really enjoyed it. Then came the agape feast and in the hurry and rush to get everything done I didn't have a change to change my nail polish. I sat at this amazing Agape feast and I was thinking about what others were thinking, and if they saw my nail polish. Such (C)! I was trying to keep it hidden from the conservatives. I knew I shouldn't been thinking about it, I tried not to, but knew that any other color would have been fine, but black, they were going to think I was gothic, or any number of terrible things. Mind you, I don't think there is anything wrong with it and before God I was fine, it was the critical people that I was worried about. There was no room for the Holy Spirit because sadly my mind was only on others (C)!!!! ERGGGGG!
I am growing very weary of that (C). I need to be concerned with coming before God, about being His child and representing Him as I should, NOT what the criticals' think! My allegiance needs to be to Him and only Him. After all, if I am thinking about what they are thinking, I am not thinking abut HIM! If I am worried about how they are perceiving me, then I am not thinking about what my Savior has done for me. So tonight as I prepare to go back to work, I took off my nail polish, (not because of the criticals' but because of school rules), I am going to do my best to live openly me. I am going to do my best to let go of the worrying about what others think and be willing to boldly be who He wants me to be. I also want to make sure that I am part of the solution for the criticals in my church by being a safe place.
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