So I am in Greensboro NC at the Just Claim It 3, Youth Congress. I am here with Mount Pisgah Academy, to welcome the youth to the Carolina Conference. It has been an exhausting couple days. My legs, low back and feet are just in constant pain from being on them all day. Tonight I was feeling like I had just run a half Marathon... LOL....not really but almost. We have been running, or manning a booth just as you come in the front door of the hotel. It is a welcome/information center/ MPA booth wrapped up into one!
I am so thrilled we have the opportunity and proud of how our students are doing. We have 12 or so students here that are helping out with the booth and helping in any other way they can. Nothing quite as rewarding as serving others. Seriously, when we have the opportunity to help, even if it is just helping someone find a room, or helping them carry something, it is rewarding. It has been a day full of amazing experiences.
An added benefit has been the amazing music in the morning and again in the evening. I love listening to Becca Anderson sing and praise God. Tonight she sang Wonderful Merciful Savior and I couldn't even sing, I just stood and soaked it all in! (Love you Becca).
Tonight before the prayer we were asked to use a permanent marker and write something we were struggling with on the bottom of our shoe. I sat there beside my son, and tried to think what I was struggling with. After all living Minus the Crap has made me an expert at identifying the things I struggle with.... Nothing came to mind. I started to write Aloneness, I miss Chris and found out today he won't be coming up for the weekend. I understand why and fully support what he is doing, I wouldn't have it any other way considering....however I do miss him. But just as I started to write it, I looked at Andrew and thought.... I'm NOT alone. I'm sitting beside friends on one side and my son on the other. I'm not alone.
Then I though perhaps it is feeling like a little girl and not a woman..... NOPE.... put me in a room full of youth and guess what I don't feel like a girl :). As I went down the list of stuff I have struggled with, they didn't fit tonight. Then the question, what is up, why not tonight. Has it just been a good day, is that it.
We were asked to stand up and stomp our feet at the same time. Then she had prayer... After the prayer was long over and my shoe was still free of words I found it...Tonight I am struggling with exhaustion. Exhaustion from several days of long hours, constantly being on, and so much more. I realized my challenges were all rapped around exhaustion. I too tired to read, (ok maybe that is not a good example... I never like to read), too tired to do anything meaningful. So I decided I am going to write Tired on my shoe. I know I need to be more temperate.
Tonight instead of stomping on my shoe, I am going to go to sleep and sleep in a little in the morning. I am going to find the time to sit down, even lay down and rest tomorrow.
Tonight I am praising God for being ministered to through music! Tonight I am praising God I am not alone! Tonight I am praising Jesus!!!!!!!!
Friday, March 9, 2012
Thursday, March 8, 2012
Wow.... NO FEAR!!!!
Today has been a very long day and I am falling asleep, but wanted to post at least something!!! Today started leaving my hotel room at 6:30am and going strong until 11:30pm or so. I am beat. There have been many challenges yet it all seems to have faded away after hearing the wonderful speaker tonight. I don't remember His name and I am to tired to look it up.
He was very funny, motivating, and kept telling us to NOT have fear!!!! I could not help but think how much of the (C) I deal with is because of fear. Fear of failure, fear of getting hurt, fear of rejection, fear of not measuring up.... fear.... fear....fear... Wow!
So tonight as I fall asleep, I am going to think about perfect love, perfect love meaning His love and how it casts out all fear. It cleans up the (C) it casts out ALL FEAR!!!!!
He was very funny, motivating, and kept telling us to NOT have fear!!!! I could not help but think how much of the (C) I deal with is because of fear. Fear of failure, fear of getting hurt, fear of rejection, fear of not measuring up.... fear.... fear....fear... Wow!
So tonight as I fall asleep, I am going to think about perfect love, perfect love meaning His love and how it casts out all fear. It cleans up the (C) it casts out ALL FEAR!!!!!
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Monday...
This morning started off with my parents still being here. I had work that had to get done and I am not very good at doing work while people are around. I started and tried. I was able to work through and get a couple things done. It is always interesting being around my parents. I find it the most challenging at times feeling like a grown up when I am around them. I find myself almost being defensive at things that are not necessary, all in an effort to feel grown up. Frankly in much of my life I still feel like a 16 year old girl who is insecure, unsure of herself and down right silly at times. I have often told Chris, I am sure he expected that his young bride would one day become an elegant woman. I'm afraid he is still waiting.... :) I certainly feel more a girl than a woman and being around my parents makes it even more difficult, because I want to be that woman!
So tonight I am trying to feel like a woman :) Trying to see the woman I have become. It doesn't mean I can't be playful, and girlish.... but I don't need to feel less of a woman. Perhaps I need to redefine woman, perhaps I just need to accept the woman I am. Right now I have the Shania "I feel like a woman" playing in my head :). I am letting go of the insecurities, the fear, the uncertainty, all the things that make me feel like the 16 year old and embrace the 42 year old woman I am!
So tonight I am trying to feel like a woman :) Trying to see the woman I have become. It doesn't mean I can't be playful, and girlish.... but I don't need to feel less of a woman. Perhaps I need to redefine woman, perhaps I just need to accept the woman I am. Right now I have the Shania "I feel like a woman" playing in my head :). I am letting go of the insecurities, the fear, the uncertainty, all the things that make me feel like the 16 year old and embrace the 42 year old woman I am!
Monday, March 5, 2012
Sunday, Sermon preparation time!
Yes the title is not a mistake. This weekend my parents came to visit. Mostly because Dad and I have been asked to speak at my alumni weekend at Mount Pisgah Academy in April. We need sometime to work together. So they came down Sabbath morning to hear me preach and then today was dedicated to working on our sermon for Alumni. I have to admit getting up after the last few days knowing I had to work on another sermon was not exciting. I was ready for a break! But we did.
We worked, talked and contemplated topics etc. It was a very long day. It is hard enough figuring out sermons on your own much less working together. Just picking a topic was challenging. We had different ideas, different thoughts and yet we both do want it to be whatever we are supposed to talk about. Once my mom said that it sure would be nice if Jesus would just tell you. I couldn't help but think about my struggles on Friday and the realization that perhaps he just wants me to use the mind he has already given me.
It was a challenge but we did finally around 11pm figure out a topic. That is it.... a topic. We now have to figure out what to do with it, how to present it etc.
I fought with some (C) today. It is hard working with your father and still maintaining grown up status. Not because of anything he was doing! It is just easy to fall back into being the child. I didn't want that! I am not a child, I am a grown woman and I wanted to be that. Perhaps that is why it took us till 11pm but we made it.
Today, I am trying to let go of being a little girl, feeling like I am still the child and owning my womanhood. Acknowledging where I have come, the wisdom I have gained and speaking boldly about what Jesus has done in my life. After all to go back to feeling like a child, ignores all that He has done! That would be a shame.
We worked, talked and contemplated topics etc. It was a very long day. It is hard enough figuring out sermons on your own much less working together. Just picking a topic was challenging. We had different ideas, different thoughts and yet we both do want it to be whatever we are supposed to talk about. Once my mom said that it sure would be nice if Jesus would just tell you. I couldn't help but think about my struggles on Friday and the realization that perhaps he just wants me to use the mind he has already given me.
It was a challenge but we did finally around 11pm figure out a topic. That is it.... a topic. We now have to figure out what to do with it, how to present it etc.
I fought with some (C) today. It is hard working with your father and still maintaining grown up status. Not because of anything he was doing! It is just easy to fall back into being the child. I didn't want that! I am not a child, I am a grown woman and I wanted to be that. Perhaps that is why it took us till 11pm but we made it.
Today, I am trying to let go of being a little girl, feeling like I am still the child and owning my womanhood. Acknowledging where I have come, the wisdom I have gained and speaking boldly about what Jesus has done in my life. After all to go back to feeling like a child, ignores all that He has done! That would be a shame.
Sabbath.... Sermon Time (late)
So today was quite a day. I have not preached at our church in years and this morning when I awoke I still had no idea how the sermon was going to come together. I headed out to the living room, picked up my bible, prayed, read, picked up my computer with notes..... still nothing. Then in frustration I decided to get my shower so the hair could be drying while I worked on my sermon. In the shower I was just thinking and praying. Trying to figure out,.... how do I work with this old idea through the new glasses of who I am today. Then in almost desperation I said out loud. "I am just not the same today!"
Then the moment when it was clear. I was planning to talk about coming to Jesus and you will be changed. The whole point was the transformation that takes place when we come in contact with the Savior. Well.... I had come in contact with Jesus on my race, and I was changed... "So Beth share your story!"
I had contemplated it before but I didn't want to just share it because it was on my mind. I didn't want to share just for the sake of talking about the 13.1 miles. I felt there had to be a point, there had to be a reason, the sermon still had to bring people to Jesus. I know that our testimony is the most powerful tool we have for bringing people to Jesus, so I just prayed and focused on how the experience brought me to Jesus and how He changed me.
Then the struggle. This is a very personal and emotional story for me. It affects me to the core. I cry just thinking about it and goodness knows I hate crying up front.....yet I seem to do it all the time. I struggle with (C). I struggle with not understanding why I cry, why it affects me so deeply. It is also scary to share something with people that is so personal when you don't necessarily feel safe with all who are there. I felt comfortable with the first service because there is a very high ratio of friends and those who love me. However the second service is full of people I don't know and therefore I have a hard time trusting, or opening up.
My struggle was not about the content, the organization, or the act of speaking it was the act of vulnerability. My run was not something to brag about. My run was ugly, hard, and frankly highlighted much of the (C) in my life. Yet I could not denie what Jesus had done, and that was going to be my focus.
So I dressed for church, put on flats because my legs are still hurting some, and prayed for strength.
First service went as expected. I felt loved, rapped up and accepted with the flow of tears that came. What a wonderful place to be surrounded by people who love you! Then second service, I was nervous, to the point I was sick to my stomach. Not nervous to present, but nervous to be vulnerable. I sat on the front pew and prayed! All the preliminaries didn't help. The congregation was small in number and just dead. No life, almost sleeping. As I got up my final prayer was this, "Lord, I'm sharing and I will share it all! Please use it as you will. It is my gift to you." Somehow that made it easier for me. I wasn't giving my story to strangers, I was giving it to the Holy Spirit and he could do as He wished. I trust Him.
The sermon went fine. It was different. I was less emotional, but it went better than I had feared. I love connecting with a congregation and I seemed to have most of the congregation with me. There were a few that looked at me with a stone faced blank look but, I let that go and I focused just sharing what Jesus had done. That should always be enough!
By far the highlight of today was when a young boy, grade school age, someone I have never talked with before, came up to me after first service and told me how much he liked the story and how it reminded him of the story of Peter walking on the water. Wow! Impressive that he thought of it enough to draw the connection. It thrilled my soul.
After church I came home to a house full of people, lunch made by many and organized by my husband. I was tired, but happy to be with friends.
God was good today, as He is everyday. I am reminded how important it is to love each other, be a support to each other. Today at Church Lydia came up and just hugged and hugged me. What a joy that was. What an incredible thing it is to feel loved by those around you. Contrast that with the other option and it is amazing to me the difference. One lifts you, strengthens you, carries you, and the other can hurt, weaken, and beat you down. There should be no room for putting each other down. No tolerance for ugliness. Let Christ take care of others and we can just support and love them!
To all of my friends, thank you! Thank you for your love and support. Thank you!
Then the moment when it was clear. I was planning to talk about coming to Jesus and you will be changed. The whole point was the transformation that takes place when we come in contact with the Savior. Well.... I had come in contact with Jesus on my race, and I was changed... "So Beth share your story!"
I had contemplated it before but I didn't want to just share it because it was on my mind. I didn't want to share just for the sake of talking about the 13.1 miles. I felt there had to be a point, there had to be a reason, the sermon still had to bring people to Jesus. I know that our testimony is the most powerful tool we have for bringing people to Jesus, so I just prayed and focused on how the experience brought me to Jesus and how He changed me.
Then the struggle. This is a very personal and emotional story for me. It affects me to the core. I cry just thinking about it and goodness knows I hate crying up front.....yet I seem to do it all the time. I struggle with (C). I struggle with not understanding why I cry, why it affects me so deeply. It is also scary to share something with people that is so personal when you don't necessarily feel safe with all who are there. I felt comfortable with the first service because there is a very high ratio of friends and those who love me. However the second service is full of people I don't know and therefore I have a hard time trusting, or opening up.
My struggle was not about the content, the organization, or the act of speaking it was the act of vulnerability. My run was not something to brag about. My run was ugly, hard, and frankly highlighted much of the (C) in my life. Yet I could not denie what Jesus had done, and that was going to be my focus.
So I dressed for church, put on flats because my legs are still hurting some, and prayed for strength.
First service went as expected. I felt loved, rapped up and accepted with the flow of tears that came. What a wonderful place to be surrounded by people who love you! Then second service, I was nervous, to the point I was sick to my stomach. Not nervous to present, but nervous to be vulnerable. I sat on the front pew and prayed! All the preliminaries didn't help. The congregation was small in number and just dead. No life, almost sleeping. As I got up my final prayer was this, "Lord, I'm sharing and I will share it all! Please use it as you will. It is my gift to you." Somehow that made it easier for me. I wasn't giving my story to strangers, I was giving it to the Holy Spirit and he could do as He wished. I trust Him.
The sermon went fine. It was different. I was less emotional, but it went better than I had feared. I love connecting with a congregation and I seemed to have most of the congregation with me. There were a few that looked at me with a stone faced blank look but, I let that go and I focused just sharing what Jesus had done. That should always be enough!
By far the highlight of today was when a young boy, grade school age, someone I have never talked with before, came up to me after first service and told me how much he liked the story and how it reminded him of the story of Peter walking on the water. Wow! Impressive that he thought of it enough to draw the connection. It thrilled my soul.
After church I came home to a house full of people, lunch made by many and organized by my husband. I was tired, but happy to be with friends.
God was good today, as He is everyday. I am reminded how important it is to love each other, be a support to each other. Today at Church Lydia came up and just hugged and hugged me. What a joy that was. What an incredible thing it is to feel loved by those around you. Contrast that with the other option and it is amazing to me the difference. One lifts you, strengthens you, carries you, and the other can hurt, weaken, and beat you down. There should be no room for putting each other down. No tolerance for ugliness. Let Christ take care of others and we can just support and love them!
To all of my friends, thank you! Thank you for your love and support. Thank you!
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Friday Night! (posted late....)
So it is Friday night and I am sitting in a just cleaned living room with my man! Life is good....well except for the fact that my stomach is in knots and I am struggling with tomorrows sermon. I enjoy the art of communicating with a congregation but I am a wreck when it comes to preparation. I realized today I get nerves and anxious when it is time to prepare. I feel a great sense of responsibility to plan and have things organized, relevant, and most important what God whats me to say.
As I sit here I am struggling. Struggling to let go of my race experience and focus on the sermon I planned three weeks ago. It is so hard to go back and tweak the final set of notes when all I can think about is the race. It is not that I am obsessed with the race, it is the profound experience with God that draws me. I feel like I have a new and deeper relationship with him and reading my notes from three weeks ago it seems as if they were written by a different person.
So tonight I am struggling. Figuring out how to fit the new relationship into the old sermon, or tweak the old sermon and make it new, or scrap it all together...ergggg... It is times like this I wished I had an audio connection with Jesus. I wish he could sit here in the living room and dictate to me what He wants me to say. However the thought just occurred to me that perhaps he doesn't want it dictated to me... perhaps could it be that my he created me with a mind that he wants me to use....perhaps he wants me to use my mind and my relationship with him to share.... maybe it is enough to just share my experiences... Now I'm rambling.....
I will stop doubting and go to bed. I will go to sleep and pray He gives me enough direction to do His will!
As I sit here I am struggling. Struggling to let go of my race experience and focus on the sermon I planned three weeks ago. It is so hard to go back and tweak the final set of notes when all I can think about is the race. It is not that I am obsessed with the race, it is the profound experience with God that draws me. I feel like I have a new and deeper relationship with him and reading my notes from three weeks ago it seems as if they were written by a different person.
So tonight I am struggling. Figuring out how to fit the new relationship into the old sermon, or tweak the old sermon and make it new, or scrap it all together...ergggg... It is times like this I wished I had an audio connection with Jesus. I wish he could sit here in the living room and dictate to me what He wants me to say. However the thought just occurred to me that perhaps he doesn't want it dictated to me... perhaps could it be that my he created me with a mind that he wants me to use....perhaps he wants me to use my mind and my relationship with him to share.... maybe it is enough to just share my experiences... Now I'm rambling.....
I will stop doubting and go to bed. I will go to sleep and pray He gives me enough direction to do His will!
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Looking Up...
Today was all about hard work. I started the morning working on getting projects done for work and I'm still not done. It has been a very long day, feeling behind and inadequate to do the job needed. I was working on design work. I know when it looks right, I know when it looks clean and professional, but getting it there is another story. I am not trained to use the programs, all my training has been by trial and error. That contributes to a very long day, where I started fighting with (C).
Then I chose, simply decided there was no point. I am over trying to beat myself up. So I did a simple thing. I let myself be slow, I kept working and did my best to look up every time I started to get frustrated. There was something wonderful about intentionally looking up. Physically looking toward the ceiling, and saying a prayer. Praying and then resting in the fact that He will give me exactly what I need to accomplish what He needs me, or is calling me to do!
At one point I went out side and looked up. I went out side soaked in the warmth of the sun and looked up. Today I was reminded how important it is to look up! How important it is to take time to breath, to take time to soak in beauty and all that is good, God!!!! In our busy lives, with stress all around, and (C) being thrown around by others, there is only one defense. There is only one way to cover yourself in saran rap (as Carolyn says) and that is to LOOK UP! There is something so soothing, so refreshing about taking time with God. Even if it is just for a second. Even if it is just to think on Him or praise Him. It doesn't have to be a bible study. Today I enjoyed the relief that comes from spending lots of little, delightful moments with Him!
Then I chose, simply decided there was no point. I am over trying to beat myself up. So I did a simple thing. I let myself be slow, I kept working and did my best to look up every time I started to get frustrated. There was something wonderful about intentionally looking up. Physically looking toward the ceiling, and saying a prayer. Praying and then resting in the fact that He will give me exactly what I need to accomplish what He needs me, or is calling me to do!
At one point I went out side and looked up. I went out side soaked in the warmth of the sun and looked up. Today I was reminded how important it is to look up! How important it is to take time to breath, to take time to soak in beauty and all that is good, God!!!! In our busy lives, with stress all around, and (C) being thrown around by others, there is only one defense. There is only one way to cover yourself in saran rap (as Carolyn says) and that is to LOOK UP! There is something so soothing, so refreshing about taking time with God. Even if it is just for a second. Even if it is just to think on Him or praise Him. It doesn't have to be a bible study. Today I enjoyed the relief that comes from spending lots of little, delightful moments with Him!
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