So it is Friday night and I am sitting in a just cleaned living room with my man! Life is good....well except for the fact that my stomach is in knots and I am struggling with tomorrows sermon. I enjoy the art of communicating with a congregation but I am a wreck when it comes to preparation. I realized today I get nerves and anxious when it is time to prepare. I feel a great sense of responsibility to plan and have things organized, relevant, and most important what God whats me to say.
As I sit here I am struggling. Struggling to let go of my race experience and focus on the sermon I planned three weeks ago. It is so hard to go back and tweak the final set of notes when all I can think about is the race. It is not that I am obsessed with the race, it is the profound experience with God that draws me. I feel like I have a new and deeper relationship with him and reading my notes from three weeks ago it seems as if they were written by a different person.
So tonight I am struggling. Figuring out how to fit the new relationship into the old sermon, or tweak the old sermon and make it new, or scrap it all together...ergggg... It is times like this I wished I had an audio connection with Jesus. I wish he could sit here in the living room and dictate to me what He wants me to say. However the thought just occurred to me that perhaps he doesn't want it dictated to me... perhaps could it be that my he created me with a mind that he wants me to use....perhaps he wants me to use my mind and my relationship with him to share.... maybe it is enough to just share my experiences... Now I'm rambling.....
I will stop doubting and go to bed. I will go to sleep and pray He gives me enough direction to do His will!
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