So today was quite a day. I have not preached at our church in years and this morning when I awoke I still had no idea how the sermon was going to come together. I headed out to the living room, picked up my bible, prayed, read, picked up my computer with notes..... still nothing. Then in frustration I decided to get my shower so the hair could be drying while I worked on my sermon. In the shower I was just thinking and praying. Trying to figure out,.... how do I work with this old idea through the new glasses of who I am today. Then in almost desperation I said out loud. "I am just not the same today!"
Then the moment when it was clear. I was planning to talk about coming to Jesus and you will be changed. The whole point was the transformation that takes place when we come in contact with the Savior. Well.... I had come in contact with Jesus on my race, and I was changed... "So Beth share your story!"
I had contemplated it before but I didn't want to just share it because it was on my mind. I didn't want to share just for the sake of talking about the 13.1 miles. I felt there had to be a point, there had to be a reason, the sermon still had to bring people to Jesus. I know that our testimony is the most powerful tool we have for bringing people to Jesus, so I just prayed and focused on how the experience brought me to Jesus and how He changed me.
Then the struggle. This is a very personal and emotional story for me. It affects me to the core. I cry just thinking about it and goodness knows I hate crying up front.....yet I seem to do it all the time. I struggle with (C). I struggle with not understanding why I cry, why it affects me so deeply. It is also scary to share something with people that is so personal when you don't necessarily feel safe with all who are there. I felt comfortable with the first service because there is a very high ratio of friends and those who love me. However the second service is full of people I don't know and therefore I have a hard time trusting, or opening up.
My struggle was not about the content, the organization, or the act of speaking it was the act of vulnerability. My run was not something to brag about. My run was ugly, hard, and frankly highlighted much of the (C) in my life. Yet I could not denie what Jesus had done, and that was going to be my focus.
So I dressed for church, put on flats because my legs are still hurting some, and prayed for strength.
First service went as expected. I felt loved, rapped up and accepted with the flow of tears that came. What a wonderful place to be surrounded by people who love you! Then second service, I was nervous, to the point I was sick to my stomach. Not nervous to present, but nervous to be vulnerable. I sat on the front pew and prayed! All the preliminaries didn't help. The congregation was small in number and just dead. No life, almost sleeping. As I got up my final prayer was this, "Lord, I'm sharing and I will share it all! Please use it as you will. It is my gift to you." Somehow that made it easier for me. I wasn't giving my story to strangers, I was giving it to the Holy Spirit and he could do as He wished. I trust Him.
The sermon went fine. It was different. I was less emotional, but it went better than I had feared. I love connecting with a congregation and I seemed to have most of the congregation with me. There were a few that looked at me with a stone faced blank look but, I let that go and I focused just sharing what Jesus had done. That should always be enough!
By far the highlight of today was when a young boy, grade school age, someone I have never talked with before, came up to me after first service and told me how much he liked the story and how it reminded him of the story of Peter walking on the water. Wow! Impressive that he thought of it enough to draw the connection. It thrilled my soul.
After church I came home to a house full of people, lunch made by many and organized by my husband. I was tired, but happy to be with friends.
God was good today, as He is everyday. I am reminded how important it is to love each other, be a support to each other. Today at Church Lydia came up and just hugged and hugged me. What a joy that was. What an incredible thing it is to feel loved by those around you. Contrast that with the other option and it is amazing to me the difference. One lifts you, strengthens you, carries you, and the other can hurt, weaken, and beat you down. There should be no room for putting each other down. No tolerance for ugliness. Let Christ take care of others and we can just support and love them!
To all of my friends, thank you! Thank you for your love and support. Thank you!
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