Trying to focus on Christ and what he is doing in my life! I can not begin to tell you how incredibly difficult this was today. There was a central theme of this day, (C) with a theme, and the theme was this. People over and over again letting me know I am not cutting it! I am not getting things out on time, I am not returning phone calls, I am not returning emails, I am not, I am not I am not doing what I should. That was the theme. I kept trying to take it, do what I could, accept blame where I should and let it go. I tried taking moments to refocus and then, another email or phone call, to tell me AGAIN, you are not cutting it. So while I'm cleaning house I fought (C) that was telling me I needed to be working on work stuff, I didn't have the time or the luxury to clean house. Then a call or an email, and I would stop cleaning and work, then the (C) that tells me, I need to find balance, I have to take some time to be the wife and mother that I am. I am going to be working the entire weekend, I have worked Mon., Tues, Wed, and most of Thurs. and then I will work from 5am to 10pm on friday, and all day Sabbath, not getting home until probably 11pm on Sat. That is not working part time! I shouldn't feel guilty vacuuming on Thursday afternoon. So I tried again to clean and not accept the guilt, and then another text, another email and then at last one more text. I am not exaggerating when I tell you ALL were in one way or another telling me I was behind. For example I had three people including the conference text or call me to let me know the Pastor who is in charge of the Junior Department at Campmeeting was trying to get a hold of me to know if the recruiting team could help in Juniors. He sent me an email on Tues. That is the first he had tried to get a hold of me. Since Monday, there are 140 emails in my inbox. I have returned every email that had anything to do with potential students, Academy days, drama tour, MPA representatives, and Alumni weekend. However campmeeting was put on the back burner. So today, I had the privilege of knowing that he has called at least 3 other people complaining about not hearing from me. That was just one example!
Today I fought being hurt, angry, depressed, and defeated. I don't have an inspiring end to this day. I'm not sure how or why this day was such a struggle. I am ready, to spend time with my kids, spend time with the drama team. I am ready to put this day behind me, spend some time focusing on the blessings and remember that He said, ".... I am with you always, even unto the end..." I know always includes today, may not have felt it, seen it, or even experienced it, but tonight I am taking comfort in the promise that He was here just as much!
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