I don't want to blog!

There are nights like tonight when blogging is nothing but a chore.  For the most part I enjoy blogging each night....but then there are days like today.  Days like today lead into nights like tonight.   Nights when all I want to do is go to bed, I don't want to think.  I don't want to contemplate anything at all much less (C).. LOL!  

Today was just a crazy day where I didn't have time to do anything except run from one moment to the next.  One of those days when I didn't have time to eat, I didn't have time to use the bathroom, I didn't have time to breath.  Today didn't lend itself to contemplation.  As I drove home I tried thinking about my day, I tried thinking about what I had been feeling or thinking deeper than trying to get through it.  At first blush I told myself, being busy made it impossible to think Crap.... so my day was (C) free.   However, I finally came to the conclusion that being terribly busy just masks the (C).  It is like those fabreez commercials where they have people in a terrible room and ask them what they smell.  It may not seem like they are sitting on a disgustingly dirty bed, but they are.   So I will try to take off my blind fold and think back on my day.

This time of year is never easy.  Our school is in direct competition with Fletcher and everyone is always comparing what we do with what they are doing.  We look at numbers, at promotional materials, test scores, classes offered, at gimmicks, we compare our campuses.   I don't think we should compare, I don't like to compare, and I try to keep the focus on doing what we have been called to do. I strongly believe that our best, combined with Jesus is enough.  If He wants our school to be here, if there is a mission for us, then if we just do what we are supposed to do, if we just do the best we can do we will be fine.  He will take care of the numbers.

So here is the (C) I dealt with all day.  Several things came up highlighting the competition today, and each time,  what I hear is, "so what are you doing" or "we haven't done enough".  Sometimes it was directly said, and other times it was implied and most of the time it wasn't implied or intended for me to hear that but I did anyway.  I know Pisgah does a wonderful job.  A wonderful job at educating and sharing Christ.  Not perfect, but I am very proud of what we do. I also think we are doing great things that help to market and promote our school, but today, as I didn't even have the time to breath, all I kept hearing was how I'm not doing enough. (C)!

I can't compare myself and my body to those around me, I'm not supposed to!!!! I  can't compare myself because I have enough work just to keep my eyes on Christ, to keep walking the journey he wants me to walk.  Today, I am going to let go of the (C) that says I am not enough, and the (C) that says I need to compare what I do or don't do to what others do or don't do.  I am not saying what I do is perfect for Pisgah or that it is even close to enough.  In fact they may want someone different at some point who will play the game or who will do more, or do different,  and that will be fine!!!!!  But, I need to simply keep my focus on doing the best I can do, doing today what I need to do and not compare.  Not let the (C) of comparison in!

Tonight I am also reminded that for much of my life I have let being busy put a blind fold on that keeps me from facing and dealing with the (C).  So though I don't want to blog, I am thankful to be forcing myself to take off the blind fold and face the reality.  Opening my eyes even on busy days is a good thing!