Decisions... 25 weeks

Happy Sabbath All...It has been twenty five weeks since I started this journey. 

Decision making is a funny thing.  It makes you reevaluate priorities, assess where you are and where you want to go.  Today my mind has spent lots of time contemplating a request made to me by nominating committee. I have also spent much of my day thinking about our Pastor.  (technically our former pastor, not sure I'm ready to say that yet.) 

In someways I feel like I barely know Pastor Gary, yet I am so sad he is no longer our pastor and today as he had surgery I spent lots of time praying for him.  When he came to our church I was gone more than there, and yet every time he spoke I would leave church thinking about his sermon, contemplating, digesting new thoughts and ideas.  I remember one Sabbath in-particular when I came to church having struggled with a new idea or new concept all week.  I was still struggling, then at one point in Pastor Gary's sermon he mentioned "knowing the character of God."  It completely answered my struggle.  It was such an answer to my prayers.  There have been so many times like that since he came to our church.  I have never felt more challenged and more interested to listen.  Pastor Gary had to make a decision recently about whether or not he could keep being our pastor because of the medical issues he was having.  He made, (what I'm sure is the right decision) the decision to focus on his health and is no longer our pastor.  I support his decision one hundred percent, but am sad it had to be this way.  I know God still has a mighty work for him!  I'm sure of it and it will be fun watching how, where and what that is. I prayed today that not only would the surgery go well, but that God would restore him to health. 

So what does Pastor Gary have to do with this blog today?  Well like I said, I have spent today thinking about this nominating committee request.  Questioning if it is God calling me to serve, or if I should say no and let someone else have the opportunity to be asked and to serve.  I have been questioning my ability to add another position to my plate.  I have enjoyed not holding any office in our church for several years.  Perhaps the biggest reason has been that when I come home from work, from traveling, the one area of focus is my family, my home, my husband. It has made coming home a rest, a place of solace.  When I come home I don't have another list of things that need to be done. (Well, other than the house work, yard work, spending time connecting with my man :)).  I know, I believe that Pastor Gary made the absolute right decision!  I also know I hate his decision! However, my feelings make it no less right.  I don't want to base my decision on what I want, or what others want, but what God wants for me and for our church.  I have to know and believe that he is calling me.  I have spent today trying to make sure I am not letting (C) get in the way. 

I come from a long line of family that have served, served, and served.  Even when it was too much they served.  It has at times seemed like some members in my family NEED to be needed.  Need to serve, need to believe that they are the answer.  If asked, they will serve.  Noticed I said "seemed".  There is no way for me to know if it was their own (C) that kept them serving or if it was a calling from God.  I will say this at times I felt like they chose serving over just being.  They chose serving the church over connecting with family.  Perhaps that is what they were called to do, I just want to make sure I am not taking on a position to have power, affirmation, or a sense of martyrdom. I don't want to add something else, and fill my life with business. I know I have spent many years being busy so I didn't have to face the (C) in my life.  I'm not willing to go back to that!  It is days like today that I wish Jesus would just come and sit in the green chair in my living room across from me and we could have a conversation about it and he could tell me what he desires!

Pastor Gary, I pray this surgery works.... no I hope it is a miracle!  A miracle that restores you!  I look forward to your sermons again some where sometime!  Hurry back to Charlotte, so Chris and I can have you and Malia over for food and laughs!

Tonight, I pray that God will give me the strength to bury any (C) (so beautiful flowers will grow), so it will be clear what God is wanting me to do.  I am willing, I am happy to serve HIM, but only HIM!!!!