I am going to keep this very short. I fell asleep a while ago and just woke up realizing I never blogged. This time change has been hard on me. I am just so tired!!!!
Today I drove back to Pisgah. I hated the idea of leaving but while teaching Drama this evening, I was praising God for the students and for my job!!!!! They are so worth the hassle.
Today has been about.....
It is morning and I never finished last nights post. I just felt like I had nothing, nothing at all. This morning while I listen to the birds sing, I realize how much there was to say, so much I should have written about and didn't. I was just in a fog and my mind was filled with insignificant things. So here is the real deal.
Yesterday driving up here to Pisgah I had a conversation with Anna. In the course of that conversation I got upset. I was frustrated by somethings she was not doing and I lost my cool. I didn't handle the situation in a good way, I was far from Christ filled. Sure I can justify my feelings, I can justify even what I said, I could even say it needed to be said. I can say that there was nothing wrong in a little tough love...etc.... However, seriously it all means nothing, it was all wrong to say and do because of my heart!
We often get to wrapped up in our children. What I mean by that is I have too often let my insecurities, my short comings drive me to squish those things out of my children. I need them to be better so I feel better! I need them to succeed so I feel better about my life. I realize how stupid that sounds but that is honestly what happens. Yesterday, when I got upset at Anna it had everything to do with the fact that I am so far behind in things, have so much that needs to get done. So when she told me of some things she had not gotten done, some deadlines she had missed, I flipped. I had to let her have it..... so she wouldn't be like me.
Chris a couple days ago sent the family an email asking us to do something with him. He wants us to each read two specific passages of scripture each day and pray specifically for each other. Honestly I didn't see the email until this morning and I felt terrible about that.... then I did what he asked, I read the passages and immediately realized what had happened yesterday. Yesterday, my interaction had nothing to do with Anna and everything to do with my heart not being where it needed to be....with Jesus! In that moment, I was not loving Anna, but trying to make her be better so I would be better! What ridiculous (C) that is!
Anna I'm sorry!!!!!! Chris I'm sorry!!!! I love you both and today am praying for our family! Today I am going to continue to set aside my own crap so that I can better love you all!
1 comment:
As a mother I completely understand the need to keep the (C) out of their lives. The problem is that we actually give them more (c), not on purpose, but with love. We always see them as children needing our help. I don't know what the answer is, but know that as a mother we try hard to help our kids and sometimes we add to the misery! Motherhood at any age is a balancing act. Having a mother until she was 88 showed me that you never stop being a mother trying to help your kids, but when you are older you will become the kid and our kids will try and protect us! What a cycle of life that is! Forgiveness in a family is the best advice. We all aren't perfect and when our children grow up they see ours shortcomings more clearly.... I think I am rambling... so I'd better sign off now. You are blessed to have such a wonderful prayer and love based family. Like all of life, it takes work!
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