Today I had a quick and yummy lunch with Beth. I have been focusing on my name a lot recently. Thinking about it's meaning, and who I am. I know I have written this before but I was reminded how much more I like my name because of Beth. We had the opportunity to go to lunch. I have not seen Beth or had the opportunity to talk with her much and today as we were enjoying conversation I was reminded what a lovely person she is, how much I enjoy our times together and how much more I like my name! Thanks Beth!
Perhaps the lowest moment was when I heard my boy is once again struggling with his car. What is the deal with him and cars. It is not for a lack of trying that we have tried to keep that boy in a car. Tonight it just started acting up again. My heart just sunk when Chris told me. Chris sounded so sad, and he was sad because Andrew was sad--- ergggg--- I can't handle my men being so sad.
I want to find a way to fix it, to make it all better. I hate it. Tonight I am struggling because I wish I was with Chris. I wish he wasn't home alone struggling with the stress. Not that I could do anything other than be a distraction... which I'm very good at...LOL!
However seriously, these are one of those moments when I am reminded that I can't and am not supposed to fix it. Frankly the idea, even the thought that I can fix it is (C). I too often, way too often take on others stuff, when I shouldn't. I think it is something us women do way too often. I want to fix enrollment, fix my kids, fix the church, fix the country.... too grandiose.... duh! Why do we do that. Today, I had conversations about doing flowers for people... because I can....about extra work ideas....because I can....things for my grandparents...because I can....NOT BECAUSE I should. It is a disease. I some how some way have got to step back and ask the question, "is this mine or not?" If it is not mine, then I need to let it go and be willing to let others handle what is theirs!
Praying for my boy, loving him and being disappointed for him, instead of trying to just take it all away!
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
347 - Back to work (Tues)
As always this is a difficult day for me. Back to work, away from home.... until I get to Pisgah. Once there I am as happy as can be! I love my work, know it is what I should be doing and can't wait to get things accomplished. So the morning was awful. I dreaded it so much, hated getting ready, couldn't seem to get out the door, then finally I made it to work and then felt silly for the difficult time.
This year I have Abby A. and Abby K. working for me. AA is a Junior and AK is a Freshman. They are both creative, and smart, dedicated and quick to get things done. As a result they are keeping me on my toes. As soon as I give them a task they seem to get it done. I walk in the door and we hit it running. In a matter of a couple hours we had tons of work done. It is such a good feeling. We are cranking out the work and having fun doing it. I love love it!!
I always feel behind, like there are things that need to get done that haven't gotten done, but what a difference a year makes. This year we are getting things checked off the list and I have Abbys to thank for that!
Hands down one of the best parts of my day.... wait for it.... wait for it.... yep... you will never guess.... was spending time with my grandparents! Yep you read right!!!! After work I went over and bothered the Vaughan household for a while trying to avoid my grandparents. There are just some days when I am not excited about being guarded, hearing hurtful things, etc. Today was one of those days. I had a lovely time at the Vaughans watching some tv and just chatting. It was wonderful getting caught up. Then I decided I had to head to the grandparents thinking they would already be asleep---but they were still up. Still awake. I decided to go say hello in their bed room. I ended up sitting in their chair at the foot of their bed and talking. It was pleasant and a real joy. Grandfather told me how much they appreciated me spending time with them and grandmother laughed a lot. What a wonderful special time.
Here is the wonderful part. As I walked in their home, I was debating.... go down stairs or go and say hello. This was my prayer, "Lord, I am going to go down the hall and say hello because I want to honor them because you have asked that of me. Lord, sometimes they sling (C), if they do please help it slide right off, don't let me pick it up and take it down stairs with me. Lord please shield me from the (C) if it is thy will." As I walked down that hall I was prepared, but not guarded. I knew what might come, but I was ready to let it slide off and.... it was perhaps the best conversation we have had in years! Go figure. I was thrilled. I connected with them, expressed my love for them and then headed downstairs to my basement room to sleep.
I am so thankful for these moments, and will cherish them. Today I was reminded that sometimes to do what is right we have to be willing to take some (C), but we don't have to cherish it, or pick it up and play with it. Who knows perhaps just acceptance will help us deal with the crap in a healthy way, or perhaps we won't have to deal with it at all.
This year I have Abby A. and Abby K. working for me. AA is a Junior and AK is a Freshman. They are both creative, and smart, dedicated and quick to get things done. As a result they are keeping me on my toes. As soon as I give them a task they seem to get it done. I walk in the door and we hit it running. In a matter of a couple hours we had tons of work done. It is such a good feeling. We are cranking out the work and having fun doing it. I love love it!!
I always feel behind, like there are things that need to get done that haven't gotten done, but what a difference a year makes. This year we are getting things checked off the list and I have Abbys to thank for that!
Hands down one of the best parts of my day.... wait for it.... wait for it.... yep... you will never guess.... was spending time with my grandparents! Yep you read right!!!! After work I went over and bothered the Vaughan household for a while trying to avoid my grandparents. There are just some days when I am not excited about being guarded, hearing hurtful things, etc. Today was one of those days. I had a lovely time at the Vaughans watching some tv and just chatting. It was wonderful getting caught up. Then I decided I had to head to the grandparents thinking they would already be asleep---but they were still up. Still awake. I decided to go say hello in their bed room. I ended up sitting in their chair at the foot of their bed and talking. It was pleasant and a real joy. Grandfather told me how much they appreciated me spending time with them and grandmother laughed a lot. What a wonderful special time.
Here is the wonderful part. As I walked in their home, I was debating.... go down stairs or go and say hello. This was my prayer, "Lord, I am going to go down the hall and say hello because I want to honor them because you have asked that of me. Lord, sometimes they sling (C), if they do please help it slide right off, don't let me pick it up and take it down stairs with me. Lord please shield me from the (C) if it is thy will." As I walked down that hall I was prepared, but not guarded. I knew what might come, but I was ready to let it slide off and.... it was perhaps the best conversation we have had in years! Go figure. I was thrilled. I connected with them, expressed my love for them and then headed downstairs to my basement room to sleep.
I am so thankful for these moments, and will cherish them. Today I was reminded that sometimes to do what is right we have to be willing to take some (C), but we don't have to cherish it, or pick it up and play with it. Who knows perhaps just acceptance will help us deal with the crap in a healthy way, or perhaps we won't have to deal with it at all.
346- Friends (Mon)
Perhaps one of the most valuable things I have learned from this process is the importance of friendships. This weekend was packed with friend moments. I had a great time with Amy on Friday, the Kendalls Friday night, Maria sabbath lunch, Lorelle sabbath afternoon, Sam and Didi Sunday morning and now on Monday I had errands to run, work to accomplish and lunch to have with several amazing ladies. It was a time to share, a time to affirm each other and a time to let it all out.
There were several moments in the day when I was blown away by how incredibly deep and intelligent these women are. I was moved by their openness and their willingness to be real! What a blessing. I will say this, I have a new found appreciation for what the female friends in my life bring.
I have always had a wonderful relationship with Chris, he is my best friend for sure. So many times women like to get together and gripe about the opposite sex, their husbands, boyfriends etc. I have no desire to sit and "*itch" about my man. I don't like sitting around and whining. I think relationships with girlfriends need to be, must be about growing so that our relationships are better! My time with my girlfriends should send me home more determined to be a better wife and a better friend to my man! This weekend it has been that way with all these connections. Each conversation made me want to be more connected to my family, to my God, and to my man! That is in a nut shell the definition of a great friendship!
After my time today, all I could think about was how rich I am! Wealthy with friends who are not just lunching friends, but deep get to the gut friends. People who challenge me and won't take (C). They pray for me and love me just as I am and me them.
I am thankful for today and feel richer for it!
There were several moments in the day when I was blown away by how incredibly deep and intelligent these women are. I was moved by their openness and their willingness to be real! What a blessing. I will say this, I have a new found appreciation for what the female friends in my life bring.
I have always had a wonderful relationship with Chris, he is my best friend for sure. So many times women like to get together and gripe about the opposite sex, their husbands, boyfriends etc. I have no desire to sit and "*itch" about my man. I don't like sitting around and whining. I think relationships with girlfriends need to be, must be about growing so that our relationships are better! My time with my girlfriends should send me home more determined to be a better wife and a better friend to my man! This weekend it has been that way with all these connections. Each conversation made me want to be more connected to my family, to my God, and to my man! That is in a nut shell the definition of a great friendship!
After my time today, all I could think about was how rich I am! Wealthy with friends who are not just lunching friends, but deep get to the gut friends. People who challenge me and won't take (C). They pray for me and love me just as I am and me them.
I am thankful for today and feel richer for it!
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
345- Brunch and the High Chair! (Sun)
Sunday morning comes and Chris and I get to start cooking. We decided to make our family favorite RollUps. This is similar to crepes and we fill them with both savory and sweet. It is just good and we enjoy the process of making them together. I ran to the store while Chris finished up the final details at home. When we had it all done, table set, flowers, food, music, all done what a wonderful feeling. We finished about two minutes before our guests arrived. As Didi walked in one of the first comments was how thankful she was we had the highchair. I smiled in appreciation to Chris. I really believe the most important element to hospitality it making people feel comfortable. I remember the years when taking our kids to adult only homes, how terrified I was of the messes my kids would make, or the challenges of getting them fed. I often felt shame because they were just being kids! I had hoped to make it a meal that was not just delicious but fun for the kids too, and when I invite an 11 month old over for brunch, I wanted a place for him to sit! As he sat there eating his breakfast one little piece at a time off the tray of his brand new high chair I kept thinking how God deals with us in the same way. I know I have so much to understand, so much to learn, frankly I am like an eleven month old, not ready for a fork or spoon. I am still using my fingers to pick up little pieces of understanding, and instead of shaming me, instead of handing me a china bowl and a silver spoon, he provides a high chair with a tray so that I can pick up the pieces -- one piece at a time.
We had such an amazing time. The conversation was real and inspiring! What wonderful intelligent friends Sam and Didi are. We had such a delightful time.
After they left Chris and I for the first time all weekend did nothing! We did absolutely nothing and enjoyed that too! It was a crazy full couple days, but I learned so much and enjoyed my time with friends and Chris.
Living MtC today was about letting go of the notion that my house is never clean enough, and believing that opening it is enough!!! That there may be stains on the rug, but that just makes it easy to not worry when food is spilled. Our chairs are falling apart and don't match, but they kept us all at the table where we had amazing conversation. Today was about doing what I know is most important and that is to say welcome and serve those around me. It was such a joy and I can honestly say it was a remarkable day!!!!
We had such an amazing time. The conversation was real and inspiring! What wonderful intelligent friends Sam and Didi are. We had such a delightful time.
After they left Chris and I for the first time all weekend did nothing! We did absolutely nothing and enjoyed that too! It was a crazy full couple days, but I learned so much and enjoyed my time with friends and Chris.
Living MtC today was about letting go of the notion that my house is never clean enough, and believing that opening it is enough!!! That there may be stains on the rug, but that just makes it easy to not worry when food is spilled. Our chairs are falling apart and don't match, but they kept us all at the table where we had amazing conversation. Today was about doing what I know is most important and that is to say welcome and serve those around me. It was such a joy and I can honestly say it was a remarkable day!!!!
344- Sabbath, Blessings upon Blessings
So I will start tonight's post by talking about last night, Friday night the beginning of the Holy Sabbath day. Friday night Chris and I had the privilege of going over to the Kendall home for dinner. We had not seen them in a very long time. My God children are growing up and I don't see them enough. So we headed over to their home for a last minute, pull it together dinner. We had an amazing time, the food was so good, lasagna, caprese salad, yum yum yum. However the best part was when my God children wanted to go and have worship. They wanted to sing, play music and praise God together. It was such a blessing. Josh has started playing drums and so this was a lively praise session that just brought the house down. He has just started playing so it is all about the runs, the cymbals and a beat or two in between! It was amazing. He is really good for just starting, but the best part was the joy and the confidence that he played with. Never concerned with anything other than praising with those drums and doing it as fancy as possible.
What a wonderful example of how we should come before the Lord in worship, with confidence that He will delight in our offerings to him, and willing to lay it all on the line, as joy filled, as loud, with our absolute best, come before God and fall at his feet and praise Him. I was so thankful for his example! Thanks Josh.
Sabbath morning we headed out to church early. Chris was elder which meant he had to be there early. So I rushed around trying to make sure I was ready on time. I was, and off to church we went. Church was nice, the music blessed me, the sermon challenged me and then we had planned to go home and spend the rest of the day resting and being together. However, we were reminded that there was a concert being held at our church that afternoon, and one of the group members was one of my students. I wanted to be there, to support. Then one of the other elders in the church asked if we could talk and that lead to lunch plans. To make a long story short, Chris and I found ourselves giving someone a ride home after the concert and by that time it was way past time for dinner. Chris decided we would stop and eat before heading home. So we found a new place and stopped to eat.
As we talked we started making plans for brunch the next day. We had invited a couple from our church and their two children over for brunch. We were looking forward to cooking for them and fellowshipping together. As we talked about it I told Chris I really wanted to buy a high chair. One would expect a "you are a crazy wife" look-- if not comment, from any good husband! However it didn't even phase him. He just said, "OK". I proceeded to tell him which high chair I wanted and from what store. Now I wish I could draw you a map of our day. Let's just say this.... Home to church 20 min. church to home (to change for lunch and concert) 20 min. Home to lunch 17 min. Lunch to church 15min. Church to home of church member we were dropping off 30 min. Members home to restaurant 10 min. restaurant to home WOULD have been 30 min. INSTEAD: restaurant to Ikea 45 min. (in pouring rain storms) Ikea to home 45 min.
We did not arrive home until very late Sat. night. Yet it was a remarkable day. I can not tell you how loved I felt because of a high chair. Seriously, it wasn't that Chris bought it for us, it was that he understood my heart, that he loved me enough not to turn this into a debate. He loved me enough to make the drive and drive and drive. Wow what a huge deal this was. We arrived home after being gone for more than 15 hours. What a day.
There is nothing better at keeping the (C) away or being resilient to (C) than to be spending time praising God. Today there was lots of that. We praised, we sang, we listened to others. I came home exhausted yet filled!
What a wonderful example of how we should come before the Lord in worship, with confidence that He will delight in our offerings to him, and willing to lay it all on the line, as joy filled, as loud, with our absolute best, come before God and fall at his feet and praise Him. I was so thankful for his example! Thanks Josh.
Sabbath morning we headed out to church early. Chris was elder which meant he had to be there early. So I rushed around trying to make sure I was ready on time. I was, and off to church we went. Church was nice, the music blessed me, the sermon challenged me and then we had planned to go home and spend the rest of the day resting and being together. However, we were reminded that there was a concert being held at our church that afternoon, and one of the group members was one of my students. I wanted to be there, to support. Then one of the other elders in the church asked if we could talk and that lead to lunch plans. To make a long story short, Chris and I found ourselves giving someone a ride home after the concert and by that time it was way past time for dinner. Chris decided we would stop and eat before heading home. So we found a new place and stopped to eat.
As we talked we started making plans for brunch the next day. We had invited a couple from our church and their two children over for brunch. We were looking forward to cooking for them and fellowshipping together. As we talked about it I told Chris I really wanted to buy a high chair. One would expect a "you are a crazy wife" look-- if not comment, from any good husband! However it didn't even phase him. He just said, "OK". I proceeded to tell him which high chair I wanted and from what store. Now I wish I could draw you a map of our day. Let's just say this.... Home to church 20 min. church to home (to change for lunch and concert) 20 min. Home to lunch 17 min. Lunch to church 15min. Church to home of church member we were dropping off 30 min. Members home to restaurant 10 min. restaurant to home WOULD have been 30 min. INSTEAD: restaurant to Ikea 45 min. (in pouring rain storms) Ikea to home 45 min.
We did not arrive home until very late Sat. night. Yet it was a remarkable day. I can not tell you how loved I felt because of a high chair. Seriously, it wasn't that Chris bought it for us, it was that he understood my heart, that he loved me enough not to turn this into a debate. He loved me enough to make the drive and drive and drive. Wow what a huge deal this was. We arrived home after being gone for more than 15 hours. What a day.
There is nothing better at keeping the (C) away or being resilient to (C) than to be spending time praising God. Today there was lots of that. We praised, we sang, we listened to others. I came home exhausted yet filled!
343- Friend Time (Friday)
Friday morning I met Amy for breakfast. Amy and I have been friends since high school. No one would every put the two of us together. She is blond, I'm brunette, she is orderly, I'm well... not, she is a fashionista, I'm well... not. As different as we may be, we have been wonderful friends for a very long time. With the crazy schedules of life our time together has become rare. Today we planned to meet for coffee and breakfast before heading out on our days. She had a full day planned of returning merchandise, and I needed to run errands and look for furniture for my room. We met at a wonderful place in town that has enough pastry to make choosing a huge problem. After choosing amazing bites we sat down to enjoy our treats and coffee.
As always the conversation was pure blessing. We caught up on the lives of our children, shared, and encouraged each other. We kept saying we needed to go and then kept talking. Finally Amy says to me, "I'm getting hungry, shall we see what they have here for lunch." It was one in the afternoon and our pastry and coffee had long worn off and we needed lunch. This wonderful spot also has amazing bread and soups so we ordered soup and bread and continued our time together until it was time to pick up her daughter from school.
It was such a blessed time. I will never forget meeting Amy for the first time. She was in a class at Pisgah, and I walked in. She was with several other beauties and they all came over and said hello. I was shocked that they even came over because they were "the" girls. I was bran new to the school and yet there was no question she was one of "the" girls. She was smart, cute, had the cutest clothes etc. As we became friends it never ceased to amaze me that this wonderful girl was willing to be friends with me. Today there were moments when I felt the same--- Amy is a remarkable mom, an amazing wife, as beautiful today as the day we met, she is kind, so thoughtful, giving. I am blessed to have her as a friend! However there was a difference for me today. Today, as we talked, I kept thinking how thankful I am that I have had this relationship in my life. How thankful I am that I not only know a remarkable woman like Amy but that I can call her friend. That is different from the (C) filled girl in high school who couldn't imagine why she would like me because I was fat, I was lacking cute clothes, because I wasn't good enough or popular enough to be friends with her. Today there wasn't shame just thankfulness and gratitude for her. Today it wasn't all about me... poor me... it was about remarkable her!
I hope you can see the difference. I have always loved her-- today I loved her without putting myself down! I know I started this post with some comparisons that could be perceived as putting myself down, but it wasn't meant that way. We are different and yet in many ways we are similar. We both love over the top entertaining, opening our homes, all things beautiful and the color red. We are in love with our husbands and really like our kids. We enjoy romance movies, and we avoid exercise. We love talking with each other and spending time with God. Amy I appreciate you! Today I was again reminded how important friendships are! I am so blessed to have friends and I need to do more to stay connected with those around me!
As always the conversation was pure blessing. We caught up on the lives of our children, shared, and encouraged each other. We kept saying we needed to go and then kept talking. Finally Amy says to me, "I'm getting hungry, shall we see what they have here for lunch." It was one in the afternoon and our pastry and coffee had long worn off and we needed lunch. This wonderful spot also has amazing bread and soups so we ordered soup and bread and continued our time together until it was time to pick up her daughter from school.
It was such a blessed time. I will never forget meeting Amy for the first time. She was in a class at Pisgah, and I walked in. She was with several other beauties and they all came over and said hello. I was shocked that they even came over because they were "the" girls. I was bran new to the school and yet there was no question she was one of "the" girls. She was smart, cute, had the cutest clothes etc. As we became friends it never ceased to amaze me that this wonderful girl was willing to be friends with me. Today there were moments when I felt the same--- Amy is a remarkable mom, an amazing wife, as beautiful today as the day we met, she is kind, so thoughtful, giving. I am blessed to have her as a friend! However there was a difference for me today. Today, as we talked, I kept thinking how thankful I am that I have had this relationship in my life. How thankful I am that I not only know a remarkable woman like Amy but that I can call her friend. That is different from the (C) filled girl in high school who couldn't imagine why she would like me because I was fat, I was lacking cute clothes, because I wasn't good enough or popular enough to be friends with her. Today there wasn't shame just thankfulness and gratitude for her. Today it wasn't all about me... poor me... it was about remarkable her!
I hope you can see the difference. I have always loved her-- today I loved her without putting myself down! I know I started this post with some comparisons that could be perceived as putting myself down, but it wasn't meant that way. We are different and yet in many ways we are similar. We both love over the top entertaining, opening our homes, all things beautiful and the color red. We are in love with our husbands and really like our kids. We enjoy romance movies, and we avoid exercise. We love talking with each other and spending time with God. Amy I appreciate you! Today I was again reminded how important friendships are! I am so blessed to have friends and I need to do more to stay connected with those around me!
342- Cutting... Saying No (Thurs)
In case you are wondering I made it through picture day. I walked in the room, sat on the bench and smiled. I survived. The real trial of my day was finalizing the Present Truth Drama team for this next year. I ran around finding the last few students who needed to audition. Listened to auditions and then started the process of cutting names, choosing who I would say no to. It was terrible.
I fought with the part of me who wants to find the best in people, wants to see the possibilities, wants to discover those who others won't give a chance to and the part of me who wants to accomplish the difficult job and just choose. I want to be able to say no to choose the best of the best, and yet I want to be able to help and grow those who need it. (Wow that sounds ridiculous).
It was a day of constant struggling. Questioning my struggle. Was it because that is just who I am? Was I struggling because of (C) in my life. Was I struggling because I wanted to prove I'm not just the softy everyone thinks I am. I wanted to do a good job, but I also really really wanted to make sure that my stuff didn't get in the way of me choosing exactly who needed to be on drama.
After working with my assistant we finally made the decision. We decided on the must haves and then a couple "potentials". I am thrilled about the list and the possibilities.
Then after a short meeting, dinner with Beth and Rick, I was on my way home to Chris. I am happy to have this decision making process behind me. I now pray for wisdom in working with the amazing group of youth.
I fought with the part of me who wants to find the best in people, wants to see the possibilities, wants to discover those who others won't give a chance to and the part of me who wants to accomplish the difficult job and just choose. I want to be able to say no to choose the best of the best, and yet I want to be able to help and grow those who need it. (Wow that sounds ridiculous).
It was a day of constant struggling. Questioning my struggle. Was it because that is just who I am? Was I struggling because of (C) in my life. Was I struggling because I wanted to prove I'm not just the softy everyone thinks I am. I wanted to do a good job, but I also really really wanted to make sure that my stuff didn't get in the way of me choosing exactly who needed to be on drama.
After working with my assistant we finally made the decision. We decided on the must haves and then a couple "potentials". I am thrilled about the list and the possibilities.
Then after a short meeting, dinner with Beth and Rick, I was on my way home to Chris. I am happy to have this decision making process behind me. I now pray for wisdom in working with the amazing group of youth.
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