Girlfriends, I've had an interesting relationship with the whole idea of girlfriends. As a very young girl I longed to have girlfriends, and it just never really happened until 7th grade. Soon after I moved away and started high school in a whole new place. Perhaps as protective measures, I have never let myself need a girlfriend. I have spent most of my life completely content to be an extrovert know lots of people and not need girlfriends. Perfectly content is an exaggeration...it is what I said to mask the hurt and need I felt! In high school I had lots of friends, people from every click on campus. Yet I made sure no one really knew me. I might really know them. Girls would share their crushes, their heartbreak, but I never breathed a word. I never had someone that I shared my heart issues with. I kept it light, kept it at a distance.
I have also proclaimed it with an element of pride that I prefer guy friends to girl friends. I had lots of guy friends, but they were never boy friends, and I didn't share my heart issues with my guy friends either. I really believe it was a cover, it explained my lack of girlfriends.
After marrying Chris I knew that I must be careful with having guy friends. I wanted to honor him, protect what we had.... after all he was now the best friend, the heart issue friend I had always wanted and kept at bay for so long. He became my everything... and still is!!!! :) (I miss him can you tell!!!!) As I started making some girlfriends from place to place I still have not cherished, valued, or nurtured those relationships the way I should.
I have always just chalked it up to, my personality, the fact that I don't NEED girlfriends. I remember the first time I went to a woman's retreat. I thought it was ridiculous to go to something so powerful and deep without Chris. I just wanted to share it all with him!!!!! Then one by one I started making friends that have over the years become so special to me. Yet I still have not valued them the way I should.
Today was a beautiful friend day! I made a new friend, with real conversation, with real heart issues... going both directions! I had a conversation with another dear friend about belonging, and girlfriends and I'm one of hers and she is one of mine! As I crawled in bed last night, wanting to blog and needing to blog, but way to tired to blog, I felt so full and blessed. I think today more then ever I realize how important it is for me to let down the protective walls that have been in place for decades and cherish the girlfriends I have and be open to developing more.
Each friend brings a different gift! Each friend does not have to fulfill my every need. Friends are like flowers, they can each be beautiful and special but completely different. Put them all in a vase together or fill a flower garden with different varieties and it is so rich a beautiful! No one flower is everything. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with having, as Oprah would say... "A Gail". You know the one soul friend that knows you inside out and adores you. I know for myself, that one just like me fulfills my every need has not happened, and I have let protecting self get in the way of a flower bouquet of friends.
I know I have missed out on the importance of girlfriends. As woman we NEED to have girlfriends, to talk with, to cry with, to laugh with, to dance with, to sing with, to pray with, to love! I have always touted that Chris was enough. I didn't need the other.... but I do!!!! I need friends, I need to spend time with friends. With that comes the responsibility to be a friend. Many times I have focused on not having a friend, when I have been unwilling to be a friend! Recently I have been working on connecting. Honoring those ladies that have been in my life. Cherishing them for the richness they bring to my life. I am trying to be a better friend as well as letting down the wall and opening my heart to real heart issue girlfriends.
I know in this process of letting go of the Crap friends have and continue to be an incredible part. There have been times when they tell me to let go, when they bring the joy into my life that is needed in the process of washing the (C) off, when they pray for me, when they affirm me, when they give me the opportunity to know them better! I decided last night that it is necessary for us as woman to find girlfriends, to be girlfriends, to celebrate girlfriends. It is a risky place to be, a vulnerable place to be, and frankly we woman tend to mess it up, to hurt each other, and we must stop!!! BECAUSE we need each other!
Sorry... that sounded like scolding. I was writing for me! I am so thankful for the richness of the woman in my life! I am so blessed to love and be loved. Today living MtC was made possible by two lovely ladies who warmed my heart, who I developed a deeper connection with, and who made me want to be better. Today I can ad one more element to the list of how to wash the (C) in our lives away. How to let go of it, how to live MtC..... Open my heart and be vulnerable to girlfriends!
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