It is interesting how the Lord works. Recently lots of moments have come to my attention dealing with names-- being called names-- what we are named-- He knows our name--a new name or a name change.
If you remember I told you about the monologue done by my friend Kim where she is the woman at the well. In that monologue there was a lot about her name, ultimately highlighting the fact that "He knows our name!" It was powerful for me. To contemplate and think about Him knowing my name, calling me by name when perhaps others overlook it or overlook me. Him knowing my name is really about Him knowing me.
Chris has for much of our life called me "baby". It is just his term of endearment and I love it--- however when he lovingly calls me "Beth" I can't tell you what that does for me. Perhaps it is because he rarely calls me by name--or perhaps it is because when he is calling me "Beth" he is saying something of importance, that is meaningful and to have it connected to me--- Wow! Honestly I think the reason it is most important is because I haven't always loved my name "Beth". I wanted to be called Elizabeth for much of my life, because it was more regal, more elegant etc. Yet when this man-- this wonderful man who adores me calls me "Beth" it melts me. Flip flops my heart. I LOVE it!
I remember very clearly when I was on a plane coming home from Ethiopia defending my name. I was 10 and with a full plane, our family was split and I was sitting next to an old man. He asked me my name, I said "Beth". He then in a scolding tone said no He wanted to know my full name, so I told him, and He said, "you should change your name", I said right back with as much sass as I could muster, "NO, why should I, I was named after two beautiful queens and two grandmothers". I then crossed my arms and ignored him for the rest of the long flight. I defended my name.
Driving to the Beth Moore event, Kim was telling me about her parents naming one of her siblings. It was an interesting story that was connected to the story of Jacob and how after wrestling with the angel, had his name changed to Israel. I remember a funny story about a name change. My brother Samuel was born to my parents after my mother kept begging my dad for one more child. My father being the good pastor type who found humor in biblical references would always say to my mother, "Am I not more to you than 10 sons". So when he was finally born my parents named him Samuel. I was nine when he was born, and my brothers 12, and 7.5. We were asked by my parents to pick his middle name. So we gave him the name Scott. Samuel Scott Steen was quite a name. When he was quite a bit older---I think 18months-3years-- my parents decided to add the name Peter. He was just not a Samuel--- he was a Peter. It was tricky relearning his name, calling him a new name, but it finally stuck and He is my amazing brother---Peter!
Today Beth Moore took us through a study of Genesis 32-33. It was all very good, and then she gets to the part about Jacob wrestling with the angel, and then the name change. I found it interesting that Kim and I had just been talking about this story. As Beth talked about it, about the meaning of his name, about how he had been named, about being given a new name, a new meaning. I contemplated my name, and the meaning of my name. I wondered if I needed a new name, I wondered if Jesus would want me to have a new name and if so what would it be. As I sat there contemplating it, I thought of what my name means, "consecrated one". I like that I'm Elizabeth-- consecrated one. Nice--- perhaps no need to change. I still wondered, with all the changes in my life, I feel new in a way, I have been wrestling with God this year, hanging on, in some ways I want a new name. Again I thought, "I wonder what He would call me, ---or maybe it is just that I need to live up to my name, "consecrated one"---- then as if God himself were right there speaking it in my ear---OK it wasn't 'as if'-- God said very clearly in my ear, "Your name is Esther, Esther, Esther-- a shining star" My eyes filled with tears, it was my name, my given name, even my first name- Esther Elizabeth- Shining star consecrated one. I cried the rest of the meeting. Is it any wonder that I have been drawn to all things sparkle, I was supposed to! He created me that way, I was named it from the very beginning! Is it any wonder that in this process of doing my best to let Him help me clean up this stinky mess of (C) that one of the themes, one of the things I have said over and over is how it has dulled me. Is it any wonder that I love bright colors, that I want sparkle in every room of my house, is it any wonder--- I was just trying to live up to, I am trying to be who I was created to be--- who He designed me to be-- who I was named! Shining star. Shining star. Shining star, consecrated one!
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