341- Saying I'm sorry and School pictures

Saying I'm sorry and goodby are not two of my favorite conversations and today I had to do both.  Anna stopped her in Asheville and we went to breakfast.  It was lovely seeing her.  I needed to apologize for the way I had talked with her and I shared how incredible I know she is.  I let her know it was my (C) that was the problem not her.  After a nice conversation we headed to town to see how much shopping we could do for her in one hour.  She only had an hour and desperately needed some pants.  So we ran.  We were successful and using our phones we were able to get an amazing coupon that saved us almost 100 dollars.  It was such a blessing.  She needed to leave no later than 12:30 and she was in her car on her way at 12:20. 

I am sure God will be with her.  I hope this time is remarkable.  I hope she enjoys her friends, her classes and has the opportunity to strengthen her relationship with Christ.  I will be praying for her!

I am exhausted, so this will be short.  I am going to bed tonight, thankful that my kids are safe and sound at Southern, and I will be going home tomorrow to my man.  Sounds good and it is.

Tonight I am trying to let go of the (C) associated with pictures.  Tomorrow is school picture day.  Yes as a staff member we also have to have our pics taken and that is never fun.  Frankly school pictures are the worst.  They are like triggers for me.  I have had so many bad experiences where I hate my pictures that I dread it so much.  Even last years picture is terrible. 

In fact one of my workers just this past week asked me if my picture was really old.  I told her nope it was last years picture.   She said, "well you look so much better now."  I know I don't look that much different... it is just a terrible picture.  Now I am not someone who wines about it to the world and tries to hide when cameras are out, because frankly I think that is worse.  So I seemily completely at peace go and have my picture taken all the while hating hating hating every single second.  It brings up so much (C) from long ago, so many insecurities, so much shame, so much self loathing.  So tonight I have been struggling, trying to let it go, but it has been hard.  It doesn't help that I have to figure out a way to get dressed and get my hair done in a home that is humid. (without air conditioning)   There I go.  This is ridiculous it is just a picture.  No big deal.  I wish I believed that!

Well goodnight all.  I'm headed to bed.