Today I had two people ask where I was... where I was meaning, not me physically but my blog. Frankly I have been struggling with sharing somethings that I'm not sure I'm ready to share. After much praying, contemplating I have decided to blog exactly what I have been jotting down over the last week... plus. Life has been crazy and so here is my living MtC for the last 12 days.
314- Today as I left the house this morning I declined breakfast, lying and saying to the grandparents that there would be breakfast at our meetings. The truth ...., I was running late and I didn't have time to eat with them. They take so long, talk so much. I needed to hurry. Grandfather put his arm around me and said, "Well they are doing a good job keeping you chubby." What a way to start my day.... I struggled... fought.... battled with a computer program, peoples expectations and issues of self loathing. Today we sat in meetings, well I was supposed to sit in meetings but kept needing to be out working with families, trying desperately to get things ready for the printers, correcting, recorrecting, and then still finding more issues. I saw peoples looks (which could have been gas, or just their thinking faces) and I heard, "why aren't you in meeting, there she goes again," etc. I kept trying to explain what was going on, kept trying to accept that I was doing the best I could do under the circumstances.
315- Work work work, then headed out the door to spend the evening at the Grandparents. I decided I must go talk with them, honor them, love them. So I did went and sat at the foot of their bed and talked. Grandmother always likes to read something, and she read a very funny poem about getting old. We all laughed. They talked about death, and how thankful they are to still have each other. I then headed down stairs to the lovely basement. I read, and listened to music. I knew I needed to blog but I was exhausted so just wrote.... A day where I struggled with wanting to hide from my grandparents, but I spent time with them instead..... Good day...
316- Sabbath morning, grandparents not going to church. I didn't want to have to explain going to Foster, and not sure I had enough energy to go to any church so choose to stay home, sleep in... till 8... eat a very slow breakfast with the grandparents. After breakfast grandfather was wanting to watch LLBN (Loma Linda Broadcasting Network.) They were planning to watch church etc, but he couldn't get the volume up. So I helped them get the channel up and going. Sat and talked with them a while and then headed down stairs to pack. Chris was on his way to pick me up and we were headed to Nashville, TN for some meetings. Chris had made hotel reservations for half way and we were planning a nice evening together. As I packed I realized that Chris would be coming and we would be leaving right about time for the grandparents lunch. I was not excited about another meal with them. However, I could not justify going out to eat on Sabbath and leaving them home to fend for themselves. So I headed back up stairs and started cooking. I cooked up a pasta lunch with salad and vegetables and surprised them and Chris. Chris walked in just in time to sit down with us. It was actually a pleasant lunch and I was thankful for the time with them. then off too Knoxville and a hotel. Chris and I arrived around 4 o'clock, we unpacked......um.....lets just say enjoyed the room.... headed out for a nice dinner. Back at the hotel, I needed to get some laundry done. The hotel has laundry, so I took the clothes down and went into the laundry to see if they had a change machine. No such luck. There was older woman there by the dryer. She started talking about how she wished there was a chair in the room. It was obvious that she wouldn't leave her clothes and had been standing there the whole time. She said she had suggested to the front desk guy that it would be nice to have a chair and he told her to go get one from the dining room. She told me they were too heavy for her to carry down the hall and into the laundry. I told her I was so sorry and I would go get some change and try to get her a chair. She told me not to worry about it, as I left. They man at the front desk was rude to me and told me they did not have change and that I would have to go out to find some. So back up stairs to get my keys etc. As I returned down stairs with Chris, I asked him to first help the lady get a chair. About that time she came around the corner and asked if I had gotten change. I told her no, and she said, "I'm headed upstairs to get you change. I have plenty and I hope to not need it after today, I hope I'm headed home." Off she went, minutes later she was down with change and detergent so I didn't have to buy from the machine. I asked if she had gotten a chair and she said she had. We went into the laundry room together. Her clothes were ready to be folded so we chatted. I found out she had been traveling home to Alabama from a visit to a friends place in DC and her husband had gotten very ill and was put in the hospital. She had been there for almost 10 days by herself while her husband was recovering in the hospital. They were hoping to get back on the road in the morning. We talked and talked. It was such a wonderful conversation about family, love, and marriage. Let's just say I went back up to the room and hugged my man! What blessing he is. It was amazing how healing and wonderful the time was. I am thankful for my marriage. Thankful for the moments we have!
317- Breakfast in the hotel, pack up and in the car on the way to the Nashville. Able to stay in a beautiful place, see my parents, eat Ethiopian food, then out with the Andersons for dessert, an amazing day. So thankful for my family, my friends, and my man! Long but wonderful day!
318- Up early for meetings, to the meeting, then to breakfast, back to a meeting where I felt shame for having bright red nail polish on while everyone exclaiming how we need to be more Adventist..... wished I had a french manicure instead.... OK not really. I love the red, Chris picked it out, "let it go Beth!!!" that is what Chris said! Found out there were more problems with the work I had sent to the printers before leaving......working frantically, wishing I was better, wishing I knew how to use the program.....crying....what do I do..... Youtube.....learning.... learning....learning.... GOT IT!!!!!! Now I know what to do, now I have to fix it and get it done..... hours, hours and hours. Falling into bed exhausted, filled with shame for not being at more meetings, thankful I at least figured it out.
319- Not up early.... just too tired. Breakfast, getting ready, stopped to say hi to my parents, and then out to lunch with a dear dear friend from long ago. Trying to let the (C) of body image, of wishing I had more style, etc. etc. etc. keep from coloring the experience of just being together. Chris and I drove to meet them, had a wonderful lunch, great conversation and I wasn't consumed with me- or my hair- or anything like that, just enjoyed the couple and the uplifting conversation. After lunch work, work, more work, then back to get ready to go see a short film. It was a private screening and a wonderful moment. It was just shared three stories and it touched me so much. I will just say this, it reminded me of the importance of our stories. The importance of sharing the human experience, of sharing what Christ has done in our lives! Seriously it was powerful and I felt honored to be a part. Back very very late and falling into bed, again exhausted.
320- Cramming in as many meetings as possible. Found out the printer and accepted all my changes and the documents were going to print! Oh what a wonderful day! Chris and I traveled back to Pisgah, we said good by, and I went to work. I worked until 3:30am, then to the grandparents where I was frozen with fear. Afraid of meeting a bear as I had to walk in the dark from the car to the door, unlock it and get in. I was too tired to have strength to fight the fear. I contemplated sleeping in the car, decided to pray, choose to accept my fate with imagined bear, and just attempt to get inside. Got inside fine, got into bed and could not shut off my brain! I was going over work, meetings, work, documents, work work work and finally looked at the clock at 5 am, and fell asleep soon after.
321- Up at 8am, clean up to the school by 9am meetings. Spent most of the day dealing with parents and fighting to get one more document to the publishers. This time I knew exactly how it needed to be and tried to make sure I had everything right the first time. Had lunch with all the staff, sat with the Andersons, always a joy.... then back to work. Finished the document, posted it, finished up some more work, found out enrollment is not as dire as people had once thought..... got in the car to head home. Drove in pouring down rain the entire way home, so tired, hate the rain. Noticed I had an email, stopped, read the email. It was from the publisher..... here we go.... what needs work now...... "Your document is waiting approval to print" that meant they found nothing.... NOTHING wrong. The first document I had been fighting with for 3 days after sending to the printer.... this document.... in a matter of hours they were ready to print. I pulled up the proof, and approved for printing! Back on the highway, in the rain, tired, tired, so ready to be home. Home finally with Anna, Andrew, Chris and Becca! How wonderful to be home!
322- Friday hoping to get some more work done.... having problems with a program.... ergggg...... Went shopping for good healthy food. Made food, Spent time with kids, went to bed early. Nice day, just needed the rest.
323- Sabbath morning. Up early and off to church to listen to Andrew and Becca lead worship. Oh what a wonderful wonderful blessing that was. There perhaps nothing more rewarding than watching my children praise God! Wow! I listened, sang, and just basked in the blessings. Then we headed home for a nice homemade Sabbath dinner with just our family! Such a rare thing. Really missed Sarah! Wished we could have been with her too! Wonderful afternoon nap that was so amazing my pillow was wet with drool. Nice dinner at our favorite local pizza place, and a movie at home. Another wonderful film, telling of the importance our stories are! Made me wonder what my story is? Hmmmm.... To bed early for a Sat. night. Such a luxury.
324- Sunday, Chris headed off to work early, I fell back to sleep and then awoke frantic and feeling rushed. Chris had asked me to go to a movie at 11:30 with him. It is a movie we had been looking forward to seeing. It was a date, and I didn't want to be late. Got up, made breakfast for the kids, then to my room to get ready. Decided to go with the curls and the hair would not cooperate. It just became more and more unruly. Finally just had to go. We went to the movie and enjoyed our time together. What fun to go out on a Sunday morning with my man. After the movie we met up with the kids at a mall to do some shopping. Again such a joy and such a wonderful time. After dinner the kids headed home and we went to church board. I have not been to a church board in years. I resigned from all my church jobs when accepting the position at Pisgah and this is my first time working for the church again. At one point I expressed an opinion about a certain topic and it touched a cord with several and tensions arose. I felt so bad. I had no idea what would happen. I then started second guessing what I had said, but I stand by what I said. It may be radical but I think it could be revolutionizing. It could be a huge plus in the end. I hate conflict and though it was not directed at me, I felt so bad for having anything to do with it! As we left I was thankful Chris had also been there so we could talk and share. I am thankful Chris and I decided to either both be on board or neither be on board for this very reason. As long as we were together it seemed doable, but we needed to be together serving. Not because I think couples should always do that, we just see each other so little that atleast this way we are aware of what is happening. We had wonderful conversation on the way home, and I praise God for a godly man who understands me!
325- They day before heading back to Pisgah is always my least favorite! I was thankful to still be home but dreading the day, because it is my last. I fight with this every time. I hate that I do this because I think it takes away from the time I do have, but it is just hard. God up early and drove with Chris in the fog to work on his motor cycle so I could bring home a car we had left there the day before. I love riding with him in the early morning. We first had fog and then the bright morning sun! What a beautiful way to start the day. I had made us breakfast before leaving, it was wonderful! Again, just moments with Chris, such a joy! Then I did some shopping for my bed room, (still looking for dressers etc.) and then back home to help Anna with some things she was working on. Then dinner with the family!!!!! Oh what a wonderful blessing to be with them.
326- Today!!!!! Finally!!!! Today I woke up and needed to get up and out the door by 7:30 to be on time for work. Chris likes to be out the door around the same time... perfect right? Nope, today he sleeps, snuggles, keeps putting his arm around me, spooning me, making it impossible for me to get up, much less packed and ready. I finally made myself get up, Chris went and made me an amazing breakfast while I packed. Once packed and ready, we ate together. What a great way to start the day! On the road late, but going. To work dreading working by myself in a room that is just covered up with boxes that need to be sorted, with so much stuff you could not walk in it. Literally minutes later a dear student walks in and asks if anyone has any work she can do. I didn't say anything right away to see if anyone else grabbed her up. Nope so I told her not to ask unless she was serious. She agreed to help and but 5pm the room was organized, vacumed, dusted and completely done!!!!!!! Unbelievable! I am so excited. Then I had the opportunity to go to a friends condo where they are vacationing here in the area. They live in Maine so this was really a treat. What a joy to talk with Megan, Christie, Winnie, Frank, Frank and Frank! It was such lovely way to end my day!
So what do all these days have to do with living MtC. After all this is not just a diary of my crazy life.... Well I know this....
spending time with my family....
spending time with Godly friends....
spending time with God....
eating good homemade healthy food....
laughing....
praising God....
learning....
cleaning....
organizing....
hearing the stories of others....
All of this contributed to the reduction of (C). It helped to keep me going when I was challenged and discouraged.
So there you have it... Now you know where I have been and where I am! Night!
No comments:
Post a Comment