Tuesday, today is the day I leave for work. I woke up and started the process of packing and getting ready for work. Anna headed out the door before me to a Dr. appointment. Nothing scary just routine. I finished up getting ready and then headed out the door to lunch. On the way I talked with Anna after her appointment was finished. We chatted about several things and let's just say it wasn't the smoothest conversation. OK it was awful! It is so difficult knowing how to be a parent to adults. I love them so much, admire them, respect them, and yet at times I still want to tell them what is up. The way it should be, and it never goes well. Not that they are disrespectful or bad, it is just not how the relationship should be anymore. It is not that they can't ask for advice or help. I should be willing to share wisdom when asked. I can also make suggestions, but the dictating, laying it out play by play should stop! That part of my life as a mom is over!!!! I'm thankful for that most days. Today however I was frustrated with what I was seeing and decided I needed to do something about it-- let's be real, I WANTED to do something about it. After ending a less than bonding conversation with Anna, I met Chris for lunch. We talked about my conversation with Anna and being the insightful, intuitive man that he is, he thought perhaps at the root of it all was that she needed to go back to Southern and finish her BS instead of doing it online from home. He saw her need instead of all the symptoms I was gripping and scolding her for. So we called Anna together. In a matter of two hours, after talking with Anna on the phone, she was excitedly packing for college and had a room reserved. It all happened so fast, I was left stunned as I drove over to work. The whole drive, I questioned my conversation with her, pondered my role as a mother of adult children, second guessed how things happened and the outcome and ended up just praying a lot! The good news is this I am at peace that God took my messed up and very wrong explosion of a talk--- Oh who am I kidding--- my scolding, made something good come out of it. Don't get me wrong, I am not justifying my scolding! I should not have scolded her it was wrong and I wish I could take it back. I will apologize when I see her tomorrow. What is amazing though is that God can take our ick--our mistakes and he can turn it into something great!
So today I spent lots of time struggling with God about how to communicate with my kids. How to love them unconditionally, how to cheer them on and not shame them, how to be their support and their help, without smothering them. I joked tonight that if I wrote a book about parenting adult children it would go like this. It would be three hundred pages long, The first page would say... Shut up! The second page would be... Pray! The rest of the pages would be blank.
Truth be told, the real crap I dealt with today is all the (C) that makes me want my kids to be great! I want them to excel, to thrive, to be happy and I want to make them that way. Sure we all want that, and there is nothing wrong with wanting good for our kids, but it is very wrong when our own inadequacies drive us. Truth is it is my own (C) my own shame the drove me today when I was scolding her, and nothing else! Sadly today I was slinging (C) and that is absolutely unacceptable. So tomorrow I will apologize and tonight I will spend time with God, thanking him so very much for taking my screw up, my (C), and he guided her and set a new plan into motion that will hopefully be a better fit for her.
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