Friday night.... once again it marks the beginning of this process. I started this blog on Friday night after spending the evening at a Woman of Faith Conference with Beth. That night I remember how much I laughed and how inspired I was to start this process of living MtC. Tonight I had the amazing privilege to listen to Beth Moore speak live, in Charleston SC. Again I am full, inspired and left feeling very challenged. I contemplated not blogging tonight for several reasons. First I am staying in a hotel room with Kim, and the glare of the computer screen and the tapping of the keys can be quite annoying and I hate to be rude. Second, tonight was so powerful and there was so much packed into it that I am frankly not sure where to start.
Today as I was traveling down here to Charleston with Kim, a dear new friend, I discovered without all the crap making friends is different. I have never made a new friend without packing on piles of protective (C).I can't say I was (C) free today, but when I noticed it I let it go and it was terrifying at times. I have not noticed a difference with old friends because we just have patterns, ways of interacting that are know and comfortable. Some of my friends I know will always like to drive, others love to choose restaurants, others always sit in the front, etc. etc. (Those are just silly trivial things). I know what their desires are, we have a rhythm and we are all comfortable in our rhythm. Spending time with someone new, I didn't know what that rhythm would be and I had the opportunity to interact in a vulnerable way. I had to let go of the way I have always been and discover making friends without (C). It was fun to discover what this process is like. Please understand it is not bad that I have a comfortable rhythm with my long time friends, in fact I cherish it! Today was just really interesting because for once, I am making a new friend without quite as much (C) clouding my vision or weighing me down. It is different. It is good. We had wonderful conversation and I am so thankful for this invitation to come be with her and hear Beth Moore.
Back to Beth.... I think perhaps the most challenging was a statement where she talked about praying and then doing the incredible difficult work of doing nothing! Of sitting back and letting God instead of praying and then doing everything in our power to make it happen. Not easy for any of us especially me!
Tonight I am a bit reflective, being at a powerful conference just like when I started this process. I have to say 336 days or so later I am not a size two as I had hoped.... I have not lived without (C) per say, but I have done better at not wallowing in it. Not playing with it, clinging to it, cherishing it. Tonight as I sat their listening to the beautiful music and then having a powerful bible study I realized how uncomfortable I felt. At first I thought it was because there is still so much that needs to be gotten rid of. It is almost as if there are literally layers of (C), and I have just begun. On the other hand, I thought perhaps some of my discomfort comes from not walking around with as much (C) on. I feel more raw, more exposed, almost naked. What a journey this is and has been and will be!
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