This post is going to be like all the others. Just what is is supposed to be, my journey today trying to live MtC! Today has been our one and only down, or free day! We slept in, ate a late breakfast, had a photo shoot with Tanya. We sat around, talked, I went to the grocery story 3 times! I cooked, fed students, cooked and fed students :)...
Tonight we gathered in the living room to have a worship. This group is notoriously loud. They are always interrupting, they are always talking over each other. Making just a short announcement can take for ever!!! I cannot begin to tell you how incredibly difficult even a tiny conversation is. They certainly like to talk and feed off of each others humor and goofiness. So tonight I challenged them to be completely silent while I shared attributes about each one that I like. They could not do it! One of the boys started hitting anyone who talked with an empty water bottle. It became this crazy game where they were probably listening to me less than if I had let them just be themselves. I will tell you though, there have been many times when I can not finish a thought because someone says something and everyone else has to chime in. They will completely forget I was even talking. They just head down a whole other direction, or conversation! It is crazy. You must understand they are not trying to be bad. They are not even trying to be rude. It is like they just can't help themselves!!!!
So tonight after worship and their failed attempt at quiet listening, it started me thinking about my prayer life. I love to talk to God. I love to tell him about all of my blessings, I love to tell him about all of my sorrows... (I hear a song coming on..lol). but how many times do I actually listen. How many times do I really just sit quietly and listen to what He has to say! After the exhausting worship with the students I was reminded how much like them I am. I am always talking or interrupting God and never really take time to just be still.
So why do my students act as they do? Why don't I sit and listen? I know I have thought of it before! I know I have told myself to listen, so why don't I?
I won't try to speak for my students, but I know personally, I have to be comfortable in silence. I have to be comfortable to hear what ever it is He wants me to hear. I think I am scared to hear from Him. Afraid I won't like what he has to say! Afraid it will ask of me more than I want to give, afraid He will make changes happen, I am not sure I am ready to see happen. So much of that is (C). Or at least it is a result of (C).
So tonight 200 days into this I am trying to be silent and listen. While at Carowinds yesterday, I was thanking Him at every turn, and I think that is good!!!! But what would the day been like if I had listened. What would I have learned?
Tonight I was amazed at how impossible it was for the team to just be still and be silent, yet so thankful because it so beautifully and accurately illustrated me with God!
So tonight I am going to have prayer and just be silent!
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