212- Torn

This time of year is crazy, and Chris and I spend lots of time away from each other. We know it is coming. We plan, or dread it coming and do our best to survive it and make the best of this time. Yet it is still terrible. I feel stronger with him around and every time we get ready to leave each other or say good bye I feel weak, I feel incapable of one more step alone, and yet some how I make it! Today we were in the sanctuary after the service trying to get the different honor classes to come to the front and have a class picture taken! No one could hear the woman who was trying to call them. She was using the mic but it wasn't very loud and she was talking way to soft. I finally asked if I could try getting people's attention. She agreed and I stepped up to the mic. I used my outdoor voice and spoke very loudly into the mic. It was very loud, good.... Then I looked up, and Chris, my man was at the sound board in a church, not his, helping me out!!!!!! I saw something I could do which was speak loud, and he saw something he could do which was turn up the mic, together we were able to get people's attention!!!!! In many situations just like that he sees something that needs to be done and just does it. It makes me feel safe, and covered. I feel stronger!

Today was my 25th high school reunion, what a day. Seeing people we have not seen in a long time. Everyone trying to impress each other. There were many good moments, lots of laughs, and memories awakened. I have to say this was perhaps the best alumni day for me! I felt the strongest! I felt comfortable in my own skin. I didn't feel insecure, or small. I didn't wonder if I was measuring up, I was just happy hearing about my class mates lives, and laughing. I am so thankful for the freedom this process has brought. Twice today I remember telling myself to use the seran wrap shield Carolyn had ordered from heaven to keep the crap others were slinging off of me, but for the most part I just experienced and enjoyed the time with others. Thankful I'm feeling better and stronger. Thankful that as my focus stays on "all things good" I am able to let go so much easier. Thankful that today I could enjoy my friends and perhaps see them more clearly since I'm not hanging on to quite so much (C)!

So today was a good day, but tomorrow I have to say good bye to Chris. It will be a full week before we are together again! That makes me sad. I'm trying to let myself feel it, express it and I'm hoping that will keep me from stuffing my feelings, making it easier to accept crap!

So tonight I am thankful for my man and so sad to have him leave! I thankful for a pleasant day with friends and thankful for the progress I seem to be making at living MtC!