It is amazing to me what a few little words can do. Just a few little words can change your day, change your perspective, even change your life! I remember the words, "Beth will you marry me?" Changed my life for sure! I remember the words, "It's a girl, and it's a boy!" I remember the words, "I think we should break up." I remember the words, "We are moving." All these words mark moments that I will never forget. The world was not the same after hearing these words. Everything forever changed in just a moment. Everything was forever changed after just a few little words were uttered.
Today nothing that dramatic took place. I didn't hear a few little words that forever changed the fabric of my life. I was just reminded how powerful just a few little words can be. This morning I was cleaning my grandparents basement in preparation for my Aunt and Uncle to arrive and take my place. I would be moving to the guest house provided by the school. I was happy to be cleaning and going about my business when the cleaning lady came. She was there to clean the upstairs. I was by this time getting tired, and this process was taking longer than expected. I was hot, I was late for work, I could hear the list of things that must be accomplished being read in my ear. I started thinking about, how nice it would be if the cleaning lady could clean down stairs too. Then I heard in my head a few little words I had heard the last time the cleaning lady was here. They were coming from my grandmother and they went something like this, "We don't have the cleaning lady clean down stairs because that should be your responsibility."
A couple minutes later I come upstairs to put some of my things in the car. I wasn't leaving, I was barefoot, and just taking up a load. Grandmother follows me outside and informs me she can see my bra. Just a couple words....
Then as I am leaving she tells me to behave. Just a couple more. Just a few words and a very tired spirit = me feeling like I was 13 again, and not in a good way! I felt like the cleaning needed to be left for me so I would learn to clean up after myself... I obviously didn't know how to dress... and I needed to behave!
I realize I am extremely tired. I have not had a moment to sit down, rest or sleep late, for weeks now. I am running on empty and need some rest for sure!!!!! Yet it amazed me how, yesterday, there were just a few little words about what I have done for the school. What I do that is working in my job, and I felt like an accomplished woman! Then today, there were just a few little words said, and I felt like a chastised little girl! I started to get angry. Angry that I didn't fight! Angry that I can't fight! Angry that I just sit there and smile and explain that I am going to be wearing a sweater over the top, so my bra won't show. Angry, that I assure her I will behave. Angry, that I get angry!!!!!
Tonight, I am trying to understand my reaction is exaggerated because I am so exhausted. Tonight, I am trying to remember to let it go. Tonight, I am amazed at how just a few little words can make such a difference. We have the choice to say things that encourage, and uplift, or we can say things that belittle and tear down! Tonight I am taking a deep breath, closing my eyes, and remembering I am a grown up!
One more day trying to live MtC and to live in a way that does not contribute to the (C) of others!
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