Sunday was not a sleep in and enjoy the morning kind of day. I had a committee meeting I had to have agenda and handouts ready for by 9am. So Chris and I were up early, I was getting ready, trying to look awake and then head out the door. It was sad watching Chris pack his things. The guest house room was still crazy with stuff everywhere and then on one of the beds was his neat little pile, his things packed and ready to go. I hate the days we have to say good by!
We headed out the door, and down to my office where he proceeded to work on things that needed to get done, like switching my phone over (my old one was dying, they gave me a new one, Chris was getting all my pictures contacts etc. moved.). What a man. I worked on the agenda for my meeting and then ran out the door.
The meeting went fine, we were able to get lots accomplished. Then I headed back down to my office to grab a key for the school shuttle so I could take my new recruiting team out for a very short celebration. It was the only time we could squeeze it into the crazy schedule. In the office, I found Chris still working on my phone. I was surprised to find him there and suggested that he come with us to Dunkin so he could get something for breakfast. He agreed. We headed to Dunkin, celebrated with the students and then said good bye. Chris was on his way home, and I was headed back to school to work on the up coming week.
I cannot begin to express how sad it makes me to say good bye. Every fiber of my being wants to just write a resignation letter effective immediately and go home too! I hate being separated! I hate not being around when he gets home from work. I hate not being there to see if his face is stressed, or if he is tired or happy about something. I hate it! Yet, I know for now we are still trying to make this work. We are still trying to find a way to make it through. We both believe in what I am doing and see the purpose. I know Chris also see's how much I enjoy it. How it has grown me, developed me. Strengthened me. So why does it have to be so hard!
After saying good bye to Chris, and dropping the students off, I could not make myself go to work. I didn't want to be the only one in the office on Sunday afternoon. It is especially hard, working alone, when you know everyone is with their families. So I went up the hill to see Andrew, the last of my family on campus. He was at Becca's house. I sat on their deck and talked. It was wonderful family time. Wonderful interaction, and I enjoyed it so much, but oh how I wished my man was there. I get tired of being the one without a husband around. It was wonderful seeing my boy!!!! It was wonderful seeing Becca!!! It was wonderful being with the Anderson's!!!! As wonderful as it was it doesn't take the place of being at home with my man!
After spending many hours working in the office after my time with the Anderson family, I headed up to the guest house alone. I watched a movie on my new Ipad (a birthday gift from chris :)) and then decided to blog. The internet and my phone connection were so bad I had to just save this and will post later. As you can tell by this post, I hate saying good bye, I miss my man. Chris brings me so much joy! So much love! Chris is my best friend, he gets me, loves me, admires me, and still thinks I'm hot! I hope and look forward to the day when there is a better plan for our lives. I look forward to the day when we are able to spend time together every evening, and better yet when it is just the two of us everyday, all day long!
Today I was able to let myself be sad! I didn't beat myself up, for having this job! Today, I have been trying to let myself face the feelings, admit them and even accept them. Tonight I enjoyed saying goodnight to Chris on the phone, and I am counting the days when we are together again!
One more day attempting to live MtC, allowing myself to feel sad. One more day in the right direction!
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