I have gotten out of the habit of counting the days and decided today to count, and calculate etc. I was surprised to discover that I am more than half way through this process. That is hard to believe. I have been doing this everyday for more than 6 months. Second, I was also surprised that I am on track. I twice posted two days in one that takes me from the 191 posts to exactly the 193 posts needed to = one post for everyday since Sept. 23. For the girl who has always believed (C) that I don't finish anything, that I don't stick to anything this is pretty impressive. I'm proud of me. Perhaps sadly I was surprised. Sadly even after 192 posts, after sticking with it, I was surprised at the evidence proving I have been doing it. Faithfully.
The (Crap) that I have believed for a lifetime is hard to let go of. It sticks around and even when there is proof to the contrary I often have a hard time seeing it or believing it! My first reaction is to say this is a silly process. I mean after all I have been doing this for six months and I know I have been doing it everyday and I am still surprised. Yet I will say this, just moments ago when I first realized I was surprised by the consistency I also was aware of how ridiculous being surprised was and I was also able to identify what lies (pun intended) beneath the surprise... (C). Chris suggested that perhaps I needed a good scrub down, (setting aside the obvious inappropriateness of his comment), there is truth to what he suggests. There is a difference between fresh (C) and old been hanging onto, and cherished (C). The fresh (C) rinses off easily. But the old (C), the (C) I have been holding onto for most of my life, is not as easily washed off. It perhaps takes a good scrubbing.
Yet, O LORD, you are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand. Isaiah 64:8
He is shaping me, he is chiseling away at the (C) that has been around for so long. He is little by little and some days in huge chunks getting rid of the (C) that needs to go. Tonight I felt affirmed when the truth was revealed. Tonight I am accepting the truth and I am sitting still while he chisels away at more of the calcified (C) that needs to go!
Sitting still, is an important element. I have spent way to much time in my life running around like a crazy woman, trying to do everything and anything, frankly in an effort to avoid the truth, to avoid the process of letting God do the work he needs. So I'm trying to sit still, to quietly listen, to learn and to trust in His process. Be still and experience Him! Be still and take the time to soak Him in.
Today in the book Jesus Calling it reads, "Your capacity to experience Me is increasing, through My removal of debris and clutter from your heart. As your yearning for Me increases, other desires are gradually lessening." That right there is the reason for doing this for the past 193 days. This is the reason for sitting still even when it is scary. The more he scrubs off the crap the more free I am to love Him, the more free I am to love others. I do want to live my life clinging to Him, holding on to all things good! I want to increase my capacity to hold on to Him by letting go of the (C).
2 Corinthians 9:8 And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work
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