This morning I woke up with lists and deadlines running through my head. It was 7 am on a Sunday morning and all I could think about was work and lists. I intentionally stirred very loudly - I really wanted to talk through my lists. I wanted Chris to wake up. (I realize how hateful that sounds, and he is so undeserving of my hatefulness!) So after several loud sighs and getting up to use the bathroom twice, he awoke and asked me how I was. I started rattling off my lists. All the things that had to get done NOW!
He was calm and kind, and suggested we get up and have some coffee. To be exact he asked if I would like to get up, go to the living room and start working while he made me coffee! What a man!!!!!!!
We did. I started right off working on Anna's graduation invitations. By 9:30 or so they were done. Then on to Alumni program, and other work projects.
I would like to say I was just so busy that I didn't struggle with (C). For the most part that is true, but I have to be honest, this being behind, really takes a toll on me. I want to give up and retreat, instead of get motivated, and just the fact that I want to do nothing is fuel for (C) that I think about myself. Things I have mentioned before like being lazy, etc.
Several of you sent me encouraging comments after yesterdays post and I really appreciate it! Then this morning I received an email from Lynn. She suggested I read a devotional thought for today in the book, "Jesus Calling". Amazingly it was sitting right beside us, so I read it. Chris and I chuckled and he agreed it was absolutely a God given message for me today!!!! What a wonderful thing when that happens! So here it is.
"I am calling you to a life of constant communion with Me. Basic training includes learning to live above your circumstances, even while interacting in that cluttered plane of life. (Even while struggling with (C)) You yearn for a simplified lifestyle, so that your communication with Me can be uninterrupted. But I challenge you to relinquish that fantasy of an uncluttered world. Accept each day just as it comes, and find Me in the midst of it all. Talk with Me about every aspect of your day, including your feelings. Remember that your ultimate goal is not to control or fix everything around you; it is to keep communing with Me. A successful day is one in which you have stayed in touch with Me, even if many things remain undone at the end of the day. Do not let your to-do list (written or mental) become an idol directing your life. Instead, ask My Spirit to guide you moment by moment. He will keep you close to Me. 1 Thessalonians 5:17; Proverbs 3:6"
What an incredible incredible devotional this was for me today! I didn't stop working, I didn't succumb to my desire to retreat and be lazy because I was overwhelmed. I didn't use it as an excuse to do nothing, but I did take moments to be just quiet and bask. Several times today as Chris and I sat beside each other working on our computers I caught him looking at me, watching me and grinning. Each time it was a wonderful moment. Then about the third time he did it, I had just been thinking about how much I still needed to do, when I caught he gaze It reminded me of this devotional. I could just imagine God looking at me, with a grin on his face, eyes full of love, and Him saying, "Calm down, think of me."
So I practiced that today. While working, while going about my very busy day, in the midst of it all, thinking of Him!!!! I can say it was a wonderful day! Busy, yes! Yet surprisingly enjoyable just the same!
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