The good news is I'm home! The bad news is I have been working since I arrived home, it is now midnight. I am not done, but must get some sleep. I have been working on yearbook ads, Summer devotional cover, Graduation Program, all urgent!!!
I am looking forward to completing some of these projects and spending the Sabbath hours and mothers day with my family! I will be off on Sunday!!!! That sounds so nice.
Last night I found out that Anna would be arriving back in Collegedale around 4 p.m. and she would need to move out of the dorm immediately. My reaction as a mother was to go and help. I knew she would be exhausted after two full days of interviewing. I knew just the process of hauling everything to the storage unit would be exhausting and I hated that we could not be there. I mentioned to Chris that perhaps I could just drive to Collegedale from Asheville, help her pack and then drive home! Andrew would be with me so we could share driving. I was confident this was the right thing to do. I knew I didn't need a day with more than nine hours of driving after working till mid afternoon. I knew I couldn't afford to pay for a hotel. I knew on many levels it didn't make sense, but my desire to be a loving mother who surprises her children with acts of kindness was stronger than my desire to rest.
I went to sleep last night fully expecting that was what I would do. I talked to Andrew about it around 9:30 a.m. and he was willing but not excited. Being a good son, and a kind sister he assured me he would go, but he thought it was a bit much. I started to question my sanity. So I called Chris. I asked for his wisdom in the matter and he told me he had awakened thinking about it and was certain there were other ways to help her out. He suggested finding someone to help her. His ideas instantly took a huge weight off of my shoulders. I could literally feel the weight falling off. I wanted to cry! I then asked if he could try to arrange the alternate plan and he agreed.
After the new plan was in place, and only then did I realize how much of my own (C) was contributing to my need to go and help her. With the schedule I have been keeping, with the long hours and being away from my kids, with Anna starting a new "grown up life" and all the changes we are going through I needed to be needed. I needed to do something huge to feel adequate as a mother. I needed to feel like I had a role to play in this process. At the same time I am completely exhausted and "I" need to have some temperate days. I needed to have an easier day.
I have a difficult time taking those moments for me. I know there is lots and lots of (C) that contributes to it all. Tonight I am so thankful for a loving husband who helped to keep me sane, help out daughter and bring me home! I am so thankful for the huge weight he took off my shoulders. I am to tired to begin to know all the reasons for why I do or think what I do about this issue. I do know my husband helped me today to make a healthy choice while still accomplishing my desire. I am tonight just going to rest in that and figure all the rest out later if need be.
One more day attempting to live MtC!
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