I have been three posts behind in this blog. I realize there is no governing body that is going to write me up, no event that will be half planned, and no one may even notice, if I'm behind. I don't like being behind (I know you have heard that one to many times). So yesterday, after feeling inspired I awoke and blogged first thing in the morning... an extra blog so to speak. I was thrilled to finally feel like perhaps I could catch up, and spent most of my day contemplating the evenings blog. On the drive up to Pisgah, I purchased on i tunes the audio book version of "The gift of Imperfection" and listened for 45 minutes while my son drove. Becca sat beside him in the front seat. I was comfortably in the back seat so thoroughly enjoying the first couple chapters of the book. I was doing my best to keep crying, I let a tear or two slip, just no ugly cry. Every word seemed to speak to me directly. I felt affirmed in this journey and I realized how far I have to go. Yet for the first time in a long time I felt like perhaps I was back on a journey and not just stalled on the side of the road. Sure I have gone through the mechanics of this blog, but not sure I was going anywhere.
Then fast forward to blog time. I made sure I was back at my grandparents, in plenty of time to blog. Plenty of time to write with more than one eye open. I was stoked! (as my boy would say) I called Chris as I let my computer boot up. As the computer came to life, the internet did not. Chris suggested I restart the router. With him on the phone I went up stars and did as he said. Came back down stairs and waited, and waited.... no internet. I was so devastated! Here I was ready, awake, wanting to blog for the first time in several weeks and no internet. After getting off the phone with Chris I cried. I know it is not a huge deal, but I so needed to blog, I needed to write my thoughts, I needed to feel caught up. I tried to use my phone as a hot spot for my I pad, but not enough signal, I listened to another chapter in my book and then fell asleep.
There has been so much happening like that. I ordered pens for the school, it has needed to be done for sometime, they come in purplish instead of red! I needed to get shirts ordered for the summer, get it done, they come in orangish instead of red! I think I have the cover of the devotional done in no time flat, the inside needs so much work it takes two plus days. On and on and on. I feel like I have been running on a tread mill instead of a road. I feel like no matter my efforts it just doesn't happen. I am living in a crazy game of "You've Got to be Kidding Me." (no such game I'm sure, just sounds good)
So here I am tonight making up another late blog, the crazy thing is I can't even remember what i was so excited to blog about last night. I know this for sure, I am tired of the (C) that says, I am not good enough if I don't get it done! I am so very tired of carrying that (C) around day in and day out. The crazy thing is if I'm honest the only time I don't have an issue with that (C) is when I'm not behind. That isn't good enough!!!!!!!!! I am valued, I am still His girl!!!!! ahead or behind!!!!!!! That is the truth. Guess what world I am shouting it!!!!!!!! I'm worthy because He made me that way! I am just as worthy when I am writing a late blog as when I am writing an on time blog or an early blog!!!!!!!
So tonight, behind and all, I am once again attempting to live MtC with the knowledge, the firm belief and understanding that I am worthy.
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