87- From Nothing to Much

So yesterday I really had nothing to write about. I struggled to post and the length shows how little there was. Then today, I have the opposite problem.  There is just way to much to blog about.  If I blogged about all the times I was dealing with this issue of letting go of the (C) I would be blogging all night long, and since it is 1:30 am, I will just pick a couple. 

First, tonight was the Mount Pisgah Academy staff party.  At parties I tend to be the bouncer, not booting people out of club type bouncer, but a bouncer who never stays to long talking to anyone person but who bounces from one person to the next.  I flit or flutter, bounce or drift from one conversation to another.  As a result most of my party attending experiences consist of lots of short and rather shallow conversations. Tonight I realized that I felt the need to bounce around, because of (C).  I bounce because I don't want someone to think I was ignoring them, I bounce because I don't want anyone to feel like I am paying another more attention.  I bounce for a variety of reasons, they all have to do with worrying about what others are thinking.  So tonight, I found myself trying to figure out where to sit, meaning, where should I sit, and then wanting to bounce and yet not sure I had the energy.  I thought about it, identified the (C) and then let it go.  I had a wonderful time, great conversation, but didn't get to say hello to a lot of people.  It is hard to see and speak to everyone and have deep and interesting conversations with just a few all at the same time. So tonight was about having meaningful conversation with just a couple. So victory?... Not exactly.  I am even now struggling with the missed conversations or greetings.  I am worried about their feelings being hurt etc.... but trying to let it go. 

I also had an interesting conversation with my son about his career path. In the conversation he mentioned that he believes the people that are successful don't just have the desire to be something but a bigger vision, a big picture of where they would like things to go.  It struck me as very interesting. I wanted to ask him or tell him to start dreaming big and work towards that bigger vision, but then I stopped and asked myself the question, "am I dreaming about a big vision for the rest of my life, or just a little unfocused one."   I can't really say I have.  So tonight, I am going to think about dreaming. Pray about dreaming. 

Tonight I want to discover my big picture dream and let go of the (C) associated with worrying about what people think, and think about what God wants me to do and when. There is so much more that I have been thinking about but for sure these were the two biggest, and I am very tired.

I want to say a few thank you's tonight...
Thank you.....

Becca Anderson for loving and caring for my sick boy! You are such a blessing, I love you!
To Andrew for keeping me awake and talking with me.  I love you and always enjoy our talks.
To Sondra Kerbs, what a treat to run into you today! Just a wonderful surprise.
To the Seals, what a pleasure getting to know you all better! Vonda your girls are a delight and I enjoyed talking with you!
To Rick and Beth, thanks for more than I can mention. Love you!