So today driving home from dance class I called and was talking with Chris. I asked him if he had noticed that I had almost finished decorating the tree. He said, "Yes how could I miss that". I then apologized, He asked why I was apologizing. When he said, he couldn't have missed it, the first thing that popped into my head was the mess of all the boxes and packing from the ornaments. Chris questioned me quite strong, asking me why I would go there instead of thinking he was talking about the well decorated tree. I know it has a lot to do with feeling very insecure about the messes I seem to have a difficult time getting clean. If I were to list the biggest issues in my life, the biggest insecurities it is this.... my body and issues with food... dancing....house keeping or the mess making....and not feeling smart. Tonight when Chris said what he did I instantly saw the boxes and the tissue paper, etc. not the tree.
It was interesting to me how quick I went to the insecurity instead of the strength. I can decorate a tree, I'm great at it. Yet the mess was the first place I went. I think I can honestly say I feel as strong about my ability to decorate as I do my inability to clean up messes. Yet the insecurity is where I went first. ERGGGG!!!! Why?
I am ready to let the positive be front and center and the negative in the back ground!
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