Merry Christmas! Chris and I decided to surprise the kids and have Christmas early! It was fun, we had a great time opening presents and just being together.
Today I have struggled with the idea of getting old. Age has never bothered me, or shall I say the idea of getting old has never bothered me. I spent so much of my life feeling like I was to young for everything, that I have enjoyed being OLD! However today was different. I think digesting the idea that I am well on my way to menopause gave me some (C) to struggle with. I know I am a little uneasy about this process, afraid of the mood swings more than anything. I have worked so hard in the last 10 years to shed the depression and I have started feeling quite normal for the last couple years and dread struggling with emotional (C)! I have been concerned with whether or not I have the strength to navigate this process with grace.
I have also spent my married life always being ready, or interested.... if you know what I mean :)..... and I am afraid of that changing, afraid that with the (C) I am already dealing with in the area of feeling sexy, this process will add to my struggle.
I am frankly quite amazed at the number of issues I have had to deal with since starting this process. It has only been 89 days and I have been dealing with huge things and just days before Christmas, with my whole family, I have another huge issue to deal with. Really! Just the timing has contributed to the (C).
Tonight Chris and I had sometime alone and we enjoyed laughing a lot! Tonight I had a wonderful time with my kids! Tonight I enjoyed surprising the kids with Christmas. Tonight I am praising God for a partner and lover who is willing to navigate this process with me. So with the above blessings, tonight I am praising God and remembering how important praising is, in giving me strength to battle the (C).
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