Day 78- Beauty continued....

For a day filled with decorating, working, climbing and rushing around town, there has still be so much happen that keeps taking me back to this beauty thing.  So I did get my hair cut, and grandmother said, "Did they cut it?  I can't tell".  Translation, "It is still too long and it looks bad on you".   However before that comment from grandmother, and before I even got my hair cut I had an email come to my phone with a notice that Chris had commented on my blog.  So I read it and in a cold gym surrounded by students I felt like crying.  It was sweet and very sappy! JUST what I needed.  It is amazing how those words made me feel like a lady instead of the little girl I always feel like when spoken to by my grandmother.  I know that may seem normal and obvious, but I really believe it has less to do with the person and our age difference or relationship and more to do with the words and the way she says them. Her words are cutting, belittling and his were uplifting and affirming.

So I went to my appointment with my husbands words on my mind and heart, wow what a great gift it was.  I sat in that chair and took my hair out of the ponytail and she couldn't even get the comb through it.  It was so bad, huge, dry frizzy, you name it, it was terrible.  I had no make up on, and was so tired.  I just looked terrible.  I kept fighting the (C).  I wanted to just belittle myself but instead I dwelt on Chris's words, I kept playing them over and over as if his words would finally get through and transform me.  An hour or so later I did look so much better.... it must have worked... LOL!  Later I made it through grandmothers comments with the resolve that I am the woman Chris commented on and not the little girl she still sees.

Then I rush around again, run back to grandparents to change for vespers, had to help them and was late to vespers.  I felt rushed and a bit flustered.  Enjoyed the concert very much and then..... Vonda, beautiful Vonda comes up to me and says some very nice things about me and my pictures.  I didn't handle it nearly as gracefully as I should have, I am very uncomfortable taking compliments, and after leaving I realized how awkward I must have seemed.  I was anxious to get away, not from her but from the compliments. I have often wished Vonda and I could spend more time together, I really like her, but I couldn't wait to get away because of the compliments.  ERG!!!! Such stupid (C).  I every day tell girls and guys to accept compliments, I really want them to understand it. I really want them to KNOW the truth, to see the talent, or the beauty, etc that God has blessed them with.  I want them desperately to accept it, but I can't accept it myself. Vonda, Tammy, and Beth, thank you for your compliments tonight.

So after leaving the church I took two girls up to the dorm to try on costumes for a play they are in tomorrow morning.  Both girls were insecure and mentioned body issues, hair issues, and so on.  It reminded me that it is important to get this stuff right.  I need to stop being insecure so I am not thinking of myself but of others.  The more insecure and unhappy with myself I am the less likely I am to reach out to others.  For example, tonight Vonda, Beth and Tammy you three all looked amazing.  Vonda your hair is always so beautiful and you have eyes that are not only beautiful but they grab you.  Tonight you didn't let me go... you made me listen, really listen.  You did that with your beautiful eyes.  Beth, you are always so elegant, so put together and tonight was no exception.  You just are a beauty for sure! I am so learning from your willingness to take time to dress, time to do your hair and time to do your make up.  You are never just thrown together and I aspire to be like you.  Tammy, you are so beautiful too, always concerned with those around you and working so hard to make a good life for all you come in contact with.  You have such a beautiful smile that can make people feel welcome and it brings laughter at just the most needed times and lights up a room.  Ricci, you are such a beauty, your hair is amazing and that smile is such a delight.  Maryjean, you may not feel comfortable in a skirt but you should. You looked amazing and in your Delila costume, you look the part of an amazing beauty! 

I needed to write all that.  Even if you don't read it, I needed to write what I was really thinking tonight but didn't say.  I frankly think sometimes we are happy with our insecurity, even proud that we are insecure.  Or at least proud that we don't think we are beautiful, or comfortable believing we are ordinary or plain,  Here is the deal, the insecurity often keeps us thinking about us, not others.  The insecurity makes us dwell on our shortcomings instead of the beauty all around us.  Tonight, I didn't let those around me know of their beauty because I was caught in my own crap and I am going to put it down.