97- Making a Difference

Just noticed yesterdays post.... what is with the title, (be, be) who knows what I was thinking!

So today I came home after a very tiring and frustrating day, feeling sick to my stomach and all around exhausted, and there were dishes that needed washing.  With Andrew and friends just minutes away, I decided there was no better time than the present to get the dishes done.  I headed into the kitchen and got to work.  Minutes later Chris came in the kitchen and started drying and putting away dishes. We started talking about our day and it just seemed normal.  Then about half way through the process, I realized I had not even considered telling him to leave and let me do it.  I had not even thought about insisting he leave and stop working.  I hadn't even thought about how nice it was to have him help, it was just normal.  At that moment, I told him I that I had not expected him to help.  He said he knew that but he wanted to. 

I realize this seems like such a nothing event but it was huge, huge, huge for me.  In 22 years I have never been able to have Chris come and join me in working without me insisting that he doesn't need to help, I don't want him to help, etc.  The reason is all the (C) I assume he is thinking, all the (C) I am feeling about the fact that it even needs to be done. Today there was nothing.  No crap at all! 

Unless it is not clear this is what I normally would have been thinking.....  97 days ago if Chris had come into the kitchen and I was doing dishes I would have thought....

* He is discussted with me because I am a slob.
*I should have had this done earlier.
*I am lazy and he is always doing everything
*He is resenting having to help me.
*He thinks if he doesn't help me that I won't get it done, because I never follow through.

Today, nothing!!!! I just enjoyed not only the company, but the help.  It used to be I was thrilled if he would sit in the kitchen and talk with me.  We were done in a matter of minutes and the kids arrived.  We headed out the door to take them to pizza and once again NO (C)! I would normally feel bad that I had not planned better and had things prepared so that we could eat at home, a more economically smart move! Tonight, I was thankful and accepted his gesture as an expression of his love for me! 

I was so encouraged this evening.  So thankful for the progress I see!  So thankful that this New Years, I may still be fat, I may still have a long way to go before I am a runner, but I have made progress and it is the first time EVER I feel like I can say that! In looking at this year, I know I am making progress and it is making a difference in the quality of my life and those around me.