We are finally here, at mom and dad's house. Tonight all but one of my siblings are here, and as I start typing this at 3:22 we are all still sitting by the fire having deep conversations, what a blessing siblings are! This is so wonderful.
On the way up here today I was fighting lots and lots of (C)! There is nothing like going to your parents home to bring up (C) that has been stuffed and buried, but carried around. I am not going to go into the detail of all the (C) but shall I just say all the (C) from childhood, all the unresolved insecurities, all the feelings of failure etc seem to be enhanced. Mind you, I have an amazing home, wonderful loving brothers, a God given beautiful, smart sister, a mother who is always working so hard for us all, and a daddy who always makes me feel like a lady. Yet with all this, there is still so much crap that I feel and have carried for so long that becomes so stinky to me when coming home. This time coming home it is so much more clear, I feel it, see it and smell it. Perhaps it is because of this whole process, but I have been almost panicked coming up here today knowing I was going to have to face a lot of sticky (C).
Tonight, sitting here listening and talking with my amazing siblings, it makes all my fear almost laughable. There are parts of being home that are so amazing, that sooth and strengthen me. I am so thankful for my family and so thankful for the amazing people sitting in this room with me as we struggle with the very difficult issues of life. I love this!!!
I know there will be moments of (C), there will be times when I struggle with things I thought were buried. However being with family also brings strength and I am tonight much more at peace that as I face the (C) it will be made easier by the family around me.
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