Today I struggled. I struggled when my husband was in a bit of a funk. He was down and not clear as to why. His mood affected mine. We later both came to the conclusion we were sad to be leaving each other. As I hugged him good bye late this afternoon I cried. I wasn't ready to leave, I wanted to still be there with him. It was just a blah day. Sabbath had been such a blessing, and such a rest, then today we were hit with leaving each other and the lists of things that need to be done. All the things we are behind on etc.
So while driving up here to Pisgah, my mind was thinking about the struggle. All the escapes I use when I am moody and alone. (A terrible combination for me) I thought about the vices I use and how I desperately want to completely let go of them. I'm sick and tired of not moving forward, of not facing the sadness and medicating with carbohydrates, or other escapes.
As I was driving I was praying about it. Praying, and begging God to help me have victory. Help me find a better way. I prayed, about wanting to use Him as my escape, use His word as my comfort. Just then I came around a bend in the road and saw this.....
For me it was amazing! It had been such a dreary drive, socked in clouds of gray. Everything was gray and then this! (Yes I took a picture while driving. I had to.) I am a very visual person and this said volumes to me. Seeing the end of the darkness and the blue skies ahead emphasized for me how God desperately wants His word, His love to be what brings that sunshine, and clear skies to our lives. If I choose to use the vices that I am accustom to I will remain in the dark. His way brings light.
Then the next bend just a few minutes later and this was His gift to me...
Not just a clearing but the SON too! I know this might seem cheesy to you. Perhaps it is to you, but it isn't to me. See, I know my Lord, created all of us with different ways of learning and he knows how to speak to each of us. He knew in that moment my heart was not just asking for a better way to cope, I was questioning if what I prayed for was really worth pursuing. After all carbohydrates have worked quite well....OK not really, but in the moment it seems to work. He knew that in this moment my heart was open to his voice and he knew this would help.
So I am tonight, spending time with God, reading His word, listening to His music, and drinking clear water. I am going to pictures these clouds, this sky that spoke to me and remember that His was and is always the way that brings sunshine in the end! His way doesn't send us into a darker place, but brings us into the light!
"This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all."1 John 1:5
I know my way is easy, I know my way is comfortable, and my way is dark. Tonight I KNOW His way brings light!
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