136- Testing

So today I worked with Tanya Musgrave on a video we are getting ready to film for Pisgah.  It is hopefully going to be an inspirational film about the students here at Pisgah.  We were working on what it would ultimately say and how. Then we were trying to work on a location, lighting etc. So I was the one who had to sit in a chair in front of her lights, and talk into the camera.  Now still pictures are a struggle for me, being on film last week with the recruiting team was hard, but sitting in front of a  camera and just randomly talking and then looking at it over and over again.....Terrifying.

I noticed a few things.  First, I have a hard time with eye contact, especially when I am nervous and uncomfortable.  Second, I look like I'm afraid of the camera.... I am.   I have a face that expresses extremes, dead to very much alive.  Being uncomfortable makes for some very funny faces. 

I don't like pretending, I don't like being silly, I don't know how to be.  I don't know how to just be goofy and enjoy it. I know it is connected to being too bound up in (C).  Tonight, I am reflecting on the day and hoping I get a change to do testing again, and I then plan to throw out (C) let my hair down and just be silly, make faces, laugh at myself, and stop the insecure tied up in (C) look.

Tanya, is the girl who took my pictures, and yesterday I told her that if I keep hanging around her I will have to get over my issues.  She certainly has a way of pushing me.  She is always a little goofy and just expects I will be the same.  I love and appreciate her so much. 

So tonight I am going to try to be a little more goofy!  A little less sober!  I am going to find some way this week to let go and be silly, just have fun on a childlike level!