I have to confess, I have no excuse for not posting yesterday. I just got home late and went to bed. It is always hard to blog after driving home, when I have been gone. I miss my man and I just don't want to take the time to blog when I can be with him.
Yesterday was crazy busy, lots going on at work and my grandfathers 92 birthday. My uncle was in town and invited me to a birthday lunch for grandfather. I was free and accepted. The lunch was at a wonderful restaurant and I enjoyed it very much. Over the years I have used my admiration of my grandparents and my love for them to cover up and mask the hurt I have felt. Instead of acknowledging the pain they have caused I have just kept my focus on all the wonderful things that they are. Yesterday, I realized that identifying the (C) they have thrown at me as (C), and acknowledging the pain, has not hindered my ability to still see them as the remarkable human beings they are. In fact quite the opposite. Yesterday, watching my once elegant grandfather looking so old and feeble I felt nothing but love for him. I know he loves me, and I will just keep taking showers to get rid of the (C) that is slung.
I guess for the first time I could admire him without using the admiration to cover up (C). For the first time my admiration was not a defensive mechanism but was just pure love. I am so thankful for this process. I am so thankful that I am free to love and accept my grandparents while at the same time protecting and caring for myself. I don't have to cherish the (C) to cherish them. To reject the (C) they throw is not rejecting them. This is a wonderful, amazingly freeing change and I am very grateful!
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