So tonight was dance class and I once again tried to dance. At one point we were leaping across the room. We were asked to go two at a time so our instructor could watch and critique. I knew I had no idea how it was supposed to be but I decided to leap across the room in time. The instructor started laughing and said I had been just freely leaping across the room, and it was great...but completely wrong! I started to go to the familiar place of insecurities and shame, but very quickly put that (C) down and remembered that I want to be able to be goofy and I had done something. She wasn't trying to shame me, she wasn't being mean, she found delight and joy in my attempt. She then shared what I should have done and I tried again. This time I wasn't leaping as freely but it was a little more like what it was supposed to be. Even now, it is easy to want to slip back into the (C) but I am just trying to stay strong, even if I don't believe it, I keep telling myself that silly, leaping, free leaping is way better than nothing, or awkward self focused insecure clopping. It is a start.
There is something really wonderful about being willing to be goofy. I have a long way to go, perhaps I'm just at go.... maybe the ...ofy will come.
Along the same theme, the first part of our dress up outfits for the Princess Half came in the mail. They look great! I love mine and I am determined to have fun being goofy. Being silly for 13.1 miles. As I sit here writing I see them on the couch and I can see me and my girls dressed up together bejeweled and girly from head to toe.
Tonight, I am grateful for being just a little more free, pushing myself to find the goofy, and be willing to be silly and enjoy my girls. Tonight, I am so thankful for a Savior who is willing to walk very slowly with me, and who delights in me finding joy.
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