139- Outward vs Inward

I love the bible text 1 Samuel 17:7  "....The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”  


I was walking into dance class, a few minutes late, rushing, when I realized I had forgotten to bring a hair band to put my hair up. I was such a mess.  Long hair curly, wild and huge.  All day I had felt quite cute and together. I had make up on, my hair was wild but curly and I had a shimmery scarf on. I took a group of Korean students to a Korean restaurant did some shopping and had an overall wonderful day. After a nice supper with my husband, I had practice at the church.  That is where it all started.  See at the church I had to change into dance clothes. (tight fitting body showing clothes)  All of a sudden I feel less of everything.  Confidence... down...freedom.... gone....outward, thinking of others focus...squelched.  I put on my long sweater and scarf in an attempt to hide my every lump and bump and made it through practice.  Then off to dance and after realizing I didn't have my hair band every insecurity I had came flooding in.  I pictured myself as this not having it all together, awkward, over weight, lazy... and the list goes on.  I could swear I saw in the eyes of my instructor, "wow she needs to get it together...what a walking disaster....etc" 


For Chris and I Valentines day was today.  He is flying out of town tomorrow and will be gone through Wed.  I planned a date for us, finding a new and interesting restaurant and purchasing tickets for us to see The Vow. I planned all day what I was going to wear, how I would do my hair etc.  Then with work items taking up a good portion of my day, errands to get done, before  my make up was done, Chris was here to pick me up.  So once again I was putting on make up in the car.  (nothing new for me, I do it all the time)  I am assuming (C) that Chris must be thinking, as we are driving to the movie. Not unlike all the (C) I was assuming my dancing instructor was thinking.  I had such big plans.  Plans, like him coming home and finding me dressed up, hair done and beautiful make up.  A wife prepared and ready for her man.  Instead we are in the car, on our way to the matinee and I am still getting ready.  I joked about it, but hated it, and fought to keep the (C) out of my mind. 

After a wonderful romantic movie we went on to dinner.  The place was wonderful, food terrific and I was feeling great!  The clientele were uppity, but I felt like I belonged.  It was then sitting there enjoying the entire experience, the food, the ambiance, the conversation, the admiring looks from my loving husband, his winks, that I realized how true this text is about me.  I feel confident, if I think I look confident.  I feel smart if I think I look smart.  I feel sexy, if I think I look sexy.

It all boils down to what others must be thinking.  I am way to consumed with what others are thinking.  I am way to consumed with there perceptions of me.  So much so, if I think they must seeing a sloppy, disheveled person, it knocks me down into vats of (C).  Compounding the issue is my personality which makes it difficult to be the always put together person.

There are many problems with what I just wrote.  I need to stop looking on the outside of me, and spend more time on the inside.  I need to stop thinking about what people are thinking about the outside of me and concentrate on what Christ sees on the inside of me.  I need to stop dwelling on the exterior (C) and spend more time cleaning up the interior (C).