Dancing Again

I have not made it to Ballet class for more than a month and considered not returning.  My schedule is so complicated, and it was just one more thing to have on the schedule. That is the simple answer.  That reason is valid but far from the only reason. Perhaps more impactful is the fact that going to class is very difficult for me.  It is not the physically tiring, but mentally it is exhausting.  I have such a hard time computing and keeping straight what she is asking of us.  The terms, I don't know, there is a lot of counting and numbers involved,  arms doing one thing legs another.  It works my brain harder than a day at the office, or anything else I have ever done.  I would rather study for a difficult exam than go to dance class.  I am sure it has something to do with what side of the brain you use or something, but it is crazy hard for me.  I am not good at doing something that is that hard.  I have been ready to quit, but today I went, paid, and was so thankful I did.

I need to keep going.  I need to get to the place where I feel like I am dancing.  I want to exercise the connections needed in my brain to maneuver this body across the floor.  I also love the stretching, the exercise, the attention to posture and grace.  I am far from graceful but hopefully it will come.  Today, I almost changed my mind several times, but I finally just got in the car and headed that direction.  I am so thankful I did.  If for no other reason than it is good for me to do what is difficult.

Tonight at one point I caught a glimpse of myself trying to leap across the dance floor.  It wasn't pretty! However, I didn't have the bad reaction I expected to have.  Instead of cringing at the awkward figure clomping across the dance floor, I was proud of myself for being there.  I was thankful that I was trying, instead of snuggling down in bed. In a way, I was seeing myself the way I hope others will see me.  The real me.  The moving forward, willing to work hard, and strong enough to do something I'm really bad at, me.  That lady, may not be graceful or beautiful while dancing, but her moxie is admirable and I like her!