Today was spent shopping with two of my children. Sarah needed several things and Andrew needed a couple. Sarah and Andrew have had a long history of spending most of their time together bickering. Picking at each other. Lets just say put the two of them in a room and you are almost guaranteed to have an explosion of irritation. I wasn't sure it was a good idea to have them both go, but gas isn't cheep so it made more sense to go together.
Surprisingly they were quite civil toward each other and that part of the trip was delightful! Andrew showed amazing restraint and was very kind and sweet toward Sarah and she responded beautifully.
It was fun being with both kids but I will be honest it was a struggle. Sarah had in her mind exactly what she wanted and at times I didn't agree with her choices. I have a hard time dressing myself, but am quite talented in helping others find clothes that are flattering and good for not only their personalities but also their bodies. I tried a couple times to say things but realized very quickly that it wasn't going to work. She didn't want or need my opinion and I tried to be OK with it. I could not figure out a way to say what I was thinking in a way that would be well received so I stopped saying anything.
I am fully aware that as a 20 year old young woman she doesn't need to have my permission or my direction. I didn't think I needed to be heard, but it made me sad. I spent the entire afternoon trying to figure out when to speak and when to be silent.
Perhaps the most difficult part of this experience was just trying to figure out if there was any (C), my (C), getting in the way. I have so little time with Sarah, she is gone a lot and I cherish, truly cherish time with her and yet today I found myself just getting frustrated. What was the big deal. Who cares if she wears things that are not my favorite, it isn't that big a deal! I can say and know it isn't that big a deal but today was just hard.
I can't say I came up with many answers except to say, I know there are always adjustments to make. I now have three adults instead of three children and I need to learn to think that way. Frankly even if I am great at helping people with finding clothes doesn't mean she needs it or wants it and I need to be alright.
Tonight I am thanking God for three healthy adult children who love the Lord, and each other. Tonight to live MtC, I have to remember all that I am thankful for and not get caught up in silly little things! Tonight I am thankful for Sarah!
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