Day 39

Good morning!  It is actually day 40.  I fell asleep with my lap top next to me, with about two very incoherent sentences written.  I was obviously tired.  So day 39.

Probably the most significant thing that happened was this...

My amazing cousin Geoff had invited me to go Contra Dancing with him last night.  I have been contra dancing twice in my life.  Once a month before my brothers wedding in preparation, and at my brothers wedding. Both times were a wonderful experience.  When Geoff and I had breakfast he invited me to go. I agreed. 

For some reason, I was not comfortable with the idea all day yesterday. I kept trying to figure out what it was. Insecurities, growing up believing we don't dance. All possibilities but nothing seemed to fit.  I knew all reasons were possible, but I just could not put my finger on it.  I even had several conversations with Chris about it, asking for him to help me talk through it.  Our conclusion was that though we weren't sure why I was uncomfortable that I should just go and let this be something where I push myself a little. You know the step outside of your comfort zone thing. So I made the decision to go and was actually excited to go, even looking forward to it. (not comfortable, just willing to push through the discomfort)

Then yesterday afternoon, my entire plan for today's picture shoot fell through.  I was left with needing to find props and a back drop last night.  I was disappointed my initial plan fell through.  I had no desire to drive around town trying to come up with an alternative.  I was really upset about it.  I also knew there was no way I could make dancing.  I just would not have time to get it all done.  I was so disappointed, for both reasons.

I finally texted Geoff and let him know I couldn't come.  His text back was something like this, "I understand, perhaps tonight wouldn't have been the best night anyway, I forgot it was Halloween and it will be very crowded"  That was the first moment I realized it was Halloween.  I was so thankful!  In that moment it was all very clear. I wasn't supposed to go last night.  I wish I had listened to that still small voice! I wish, I had not spent years of practice being covered up with so much (C) it has been hard to hear the voice. The last couple days, I kept trying to figure out what (C) was getting in my way of dancing (understandibly so) and did not stop to see if the whisper, the lack of peace about the situation was that wonderful voice instead of (C)! 

I have known, and experienced over and over in my life when God intervenes in some of the seemingly insignificant, yet important to me things.  I know just on Sunday, His guidance and presence was very real.  I am appreciative of this process of cleaning up and getting rid of the (C) for a new reason.  I can't help but believe that sitting in a soft fluffy white robe, with sweet smelling lotions, instead of under a pile of (C) has to make hearing that voice an easier thing. 

2 Cor. 3:16-18, "but whenever a man turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away.  Now the Lord is the Spirit; and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.  But we all, with unveiled face beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as from the Lord, the Spirit."