I had just snuggled down into bed when I realized I had not blogged this evening and my computer was still in the trunk of the car. I had just gotten warm, I was wearing something.... well lets just say... NOT WARM. I did get up and braved the cold and on my way back from the car I looked up and WOW what a beautiful sky. It was perfectly clear, not a cloud anywhere and the whole sky, dark part included, just seemed to sparkle. It looked like shiny black glass with diamonds in it. Such a treat.
In the last couple days I have felt like the clouds are rolling away from my life. Tonight I feel like the sky of my life is a little clearer too! This week there have been several times when something has come up and I immediately have been able to identify the Crap and have "set it down" or "thrown it out the window". I know there is still so much that is hidden or hard to identify, but it is getting easier. It is easier to identify and easier to put down.
I have recently discovered how much I enjoy all things that sparkle. Looking at the sky tonight and realizing how it sparkled because of the lack of clouds, I had hope. Hope that one day I will sparkle, not because of jewelry, or sequins but because of the lack of (Clouds) (Crap). The sky had all those stars sparkling in it last night too, in fact they are there every night; however when the clouds are thick it covers the sparkle. I realize any sparkle that is in me is only there because of my creator. It is a reflection of His love. I know that letting my stars shine, is not about being perfect or doing perfect things, it is letting Christ shine through me. When we try to recreate the sky, often a dark sheet or board is put in place with lights behind and small holes in the board. I am but the board and He is the light. However if I keep piling on the (C) I completely obstruct the view of His light.
Please understand I realize I have a long way to go; but the clear sky reminded me tonight how it is getting easier and I am so grateful for this journey.
I want to clarify one thing. Carolyn and I were talking and she started to apologize for saying anything the other night that would make me start wallowing in the (C). I said it to her tonight, but I wanted all of you to also know. ... She didn't say anything bad, hurtful, hateful, or anything that should in anyway make me feel bad. She was giving sound advise, using her own experiences, everything she was saying was kind, good, down right wonderful. The problem was not her, but me. It was my own insecurities, my own issues that made me start to feel or see the (C) but before she even finished talking I had identified it, and put it down. The time and contemplation was not about the (C) but about what she had said and how and if I should use it to revise what I was doing. (Which I did). The good news in all this was that before she even finished speaking I had set the (C) down and was free to accept her advise and concern in the manor in which it was intended....assistance for me. I appreciate and love Carolyn very much and am so grateful for her friendship! I know she knows that, but if she had any question I didn't want any one else reading this to also have the same question. I know Mon. night God used her to help me in two ways. First to realize that the clouds are clearing and it is getting easier to recognize and set down the (C) and second she helped me realize I needed to research my training schedule a little more and take it to God in prayer. Thank you for not only loving me but for letting God use you my friend!
So tonight the sky is clear both outside and in! I am hopeful that one day, I will let my light shine for Him. I hope that one day, the clouds will not be around as often and clear nights will be the norm.
I missed ballet class tonight so I stretched here at home.
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