It is late and I have been sitting here trying to figure out what to write. In someways it has been a wonderful day. I'm home, that is always a wonderful thing! I had breakfast with Andrew, Becca, Beth, Rick and Chris. That was wonderful. For some reason though tonight I have been restless and uneasy. I can't put my finger on it. Chris made a fire, we have just spent the evening together but I'm not restful or settled. I know I am stressed about having my picture taken on Tues. I need my hair done, hair removed, and I need to loose 50 pounds before Tues. I just hate having my picture taken. I love taking peoples picture but hate having mine taken. It is very similar to dancing. I have a hard time being free in front of a camera. I want to be able to move, to show personality, to not be stiff. I want to be free with my body and my expressions, but it is so hard for me. I tend to freeze.
I don't know what to wear, I don't feel prepared and yet it must be done. Most likely this is the reason for my funk. I wish I did a better job at facing what is wrong instead of just ignoring it, being in a funk, eating what I shouldn't and too much, not doing the things I should. How much better it would be to face it, work through it and move on.
Lord, give me the strength to move forward, to have my picture taken, to be willing to live for you with crazy enthusiasm. May all that I do, all that I am be to your honor and glory.
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