One day completely missed! I have no good excuse... just tired. Tired and not wanting to work on anything other than to be there for my family. It would have been easy to post yesterday if I could write about their stuff, their hurts, disappointments, joys, but it is their, stuff not mine. As you can all imagine we have been having so much going on in our family.
Sabbath, the girls and I got up and went to church, Andrew arrived home around 7pm and Chris around 10pm. We were finally all together for just a few hours. All the kids headed out the door at 11am this morning.
As I eat the last piece of pumpkin pie, the Thanksgiving holiday has officially come to an end. We have put of the Christmas tree and now we start looking forward to Christmas. I feel lost at this moment. I can't say this holiday has been any different than any other as far as the food is concerned. I have not been running. I have not done anything I should. I have just survived. It has been almost a depressing holiday. Perhaps more depressing in my inability or unwillingness to do the things I knew I should. In some ways it had less to do with the circumstances and more with my reaction or coping technique. I have most definitely used food to sooth and for so much more.
I did succeed in not retreating to my bed. I went shopping with the girls when I would have rather just curled up in bed, watch girl movies and feel sorry for myself. I did wash dishes and try to keep the kitchen clean. I did cook comfort food for my kids. I did go to church, when that was the last thing I wanted to do Sabbath morning. So it wasn't a complete fail.
Frankly tonight I'm not sure if I am just full of self condemning (C) or if it is just facing the truth. I don't want to be writing because I don't have anything productive to write about.
Here it is...With all that this Thanksgiving break had to offer I know, one thing for... I love my kids, and I love my husband with all I am. I know this process is making things better, baby steps. I want to be down on myself for not eating better, for not running, I frankly am very comfortable self loathing... but if nothing else tonight I am going to put down the (C) and acknowledge this is a process. Tonight I am going to just praise God for the journey, praise God for my husband, and my children. Give Him praise in all things, and believe that all things work together for good the them that love God, and live accordingly...
Lord, give me the grace to keep going in this process. Give me the willingness to start taking some really big steps toward freedom in You! Lord, thank you for my family! Thank you for all the blessings you have so richly provided! Thank you.
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