Tonight I am looking forward to spending a couple days with my husband. We are headed to the airport in a couple hours, to pick up some students and drive them to Pisgah. Chris has continuing education classes tomorrow in Asheville, so I will work at Pisgah. Then tomorrow afternoon he drives to Raleigh and I will go with him. We will spend tomorrow night in Raleigh and then Wed. be back home.
I give you this schedule because it has been where my focus has been all day. I am thrilled to spend time, even just in the car with my man. This break has been hard on us both. We are looking forward to some time together. I have fought with some (C) wondering if I can do it with work both at home and at Pisgah. There is one thing I know for sure and that is my man needs me! So I will be traveling with him! Today I have been just so excited about going, it is all I have been able to think about. He will be in meetings and I will be working on some writing I need to get done for work, but we will be together.
Yesterday and today I have struggled with what to write about. Honestly what has been affecting me most has been the things my family has been going through. Disappointment, hurt, sadness, helplessness, anger, and more. All of those close to me have been dealing with things that have affected me. I have felt all the following and questioned my ability as a mother and a wife. When those around me are hurting, I want to be part of the solution for them getting better. When there is arguing or tension, I want to help be a peace maker. When I fall short or am unable to fix it I fell inadequate! That is (C). I have not known how to write about my feelings without sharing their stuff. What I do know is that the last several days have been packed and charged with heightened emotional feelings and I have mostly dealt with it with prayer and food. To my credit perhaps at least prayer has been a part. I have found myself taking on too much of other peoples issues. Somehow I need to figure out how to be there for them with out taking it on. How to listen without taking it all on my shoulders too. There is really no point in both of us carrying it! However I do! I tend to just strap it all on and carry the extra weight. So tonight I am asking God to take the (C) I have taken on that is not mine! I am asking that he then give me the wisdom to know how to be the wife and mother I need to be.
No comments:
Post a Comment