So you all realize this post is late! Lets just say... I was in a hotel last night with Chris...
So this post had to wait. Yesterday was a wonderful day filled with lots of joy and a few moments of anxiety. Chris and I spent the morning together preparing things at home for Anna and her friend Elony. They were going to be home last night. I was cooking soup, apple tart, and in general straightening up. Chris was doing some work and also helping with dishes etc. At one point late in the morning he was upset at me. I won't go into all the details but we both left the house together very quiet. After a few minutes of talking it was apparent to us both that we had just needed to communicate with each other better. We needed to let the other know what we were feeling, and what we were planning.
We had a lunch meeting so our talk was cut short, but we resumed as soon as we got in the car again. This time we in a matter of minutes had worked things out and were once again happy to be sitting with each other. The triumph for us both is that we were able to be raw and honest with our feelings and expectations all the while KNOWING with out a shadow of doubt that were in a very safe and loving place. We may have been upset at each other but that didn't change the basis of who we were which was a couple who desperately wanted nothing more than to please and love the other.
We had dinner with Anna and her friend in Asheville as we crossed paths. Stopped by Pisgah to drop off some things and pick up some things and then drove to Anderson, SC. We had such great conversation. So last night there was not time for anything except connecting with my man.
For much of our relationship both Chris and I have been reluctant to share honestly when we are hurting, or mad. I know for myself it is because of years and years of (C) that I have owned and become very comfortable with. I have much of my life believed or accepted that to get along, my feelings must be pushed to the back ground and the focus must be on Him. He has done the same. In some ways it is great, we have spent most of our married life, simply pleasing each other.... not a bad gig. However not so great when each of us is stuffing and hurting inside. As we have grown up...lol... and become more secure in us we have started trying to be more open about our hurts and feelings. I know for myself yesterday, I started to go to a place of self condemnation, I started to accept (C) and then do as I have done in the past, which is to retreat. I didn't though. Yesterday, I was open without attacking, open without piling crap on myself, open which is a very vulnerable place to be. Yet being vulnerable in a safe place is thrilling... it is like being on a roller coaster, at incredible speeds where you feel like you are free falling yet you know you are safe. That is what it is like. I can't say yesterday either of us had our hands up while we were free falling but we were at least on the coaster!
I know yesterday, the honesty, the raw open connection for me would not have been possible with all the crap I normally carry around. It is almost like because the clouds are not as heavy anymore I was able to see what was really hurting me, and what I was doing to hurt him more clearly. I guess with all the (C) it is hard to find the truth.
I am so thankful for Chris!!!! Thankful that he is a safe place to free fall. I am this morning more in love with him than before. Grateful for the assurance that all the safety straps are securely fastened, and that when we get to the big hills, we will be safe. Not because we are so great but because HE (Christ) is in this with us.
Happy Sabbath all!
No comments:
Post a Comment