Well it is 1am and and what a day Friday was. Today all we had to do was pack up, attend a VBS celebration, sing some songs, pack up and drive to Charlotte. I was so looking forward to crawling into bed with my husband and really sleeping. As we were packing up at the church after the VBS celebration, Becca came into the school and said, "Beth the shuttle has a flat tire." I was standing and talking with Kevin a church member, he came out with me to look and sure enough one of the tires was seriously flat. He then looked around and started walking to a truck. I looked and it was a pick up truck with "Wheel and Tire" on the side of it, right there in the school parking lot. The man was there for the VBS program. He brought a pump out of his truck and tried to ad some air. It obviously wasn't going to fix it but he got on the phone and told the shop to stay by we were on our way and needed the tire fixed. He gave me his card and said just drive carefully but you should make it fine. It is just 20 minutes down the road... (toward Charlotte). I could not believe it! A set back for sure but wow..... a tire man in the parking lot...what a huge huge blessing.
We loaded up and started slowly down the road. Got on the highway and just a couple miles down the road the shuttle started making a terrible noise, and shacking violently. Becca looked in the side mirror and she said the tire was smoking terribly. I was having a hard time controlling the shuttle and knew we had to stop. There was virtually no shoulder, I thought perhaps I should then just slow down and limp on the shoulder, but the shuttle was arguing with me and begging to stop so I finally did. Now came the question. Get off as far as possible or leave room for them to work on the tire if need be. I decided to leave room. That meant we were almost exactly on the white line. Not an inch to spare and we still only had about two feet before the guard rail. As semi after semi barreled past us I was afraid. Afraid for the students... afraid for all our safety. I know you are supposed to get outside of the car, but there was really no place to go. I called the man and he said he would send someone or come himself.
Again I was so thankful for him. Then after about 45 minutes he finally found us and after a few minutes decided we would just need to tow. To make a long story short, Mr. Anderson made about 3 hours worth of phone calls trying to get us help. I called, and two men came to help and finally at 12:20 it was decided that the shuttle was going to sleep by the road and we will tackle it in the morning.
Such disappointment. No climbing into my own bed next to my husband.
In the process of this night, several different emotions were in place. First desperate... tire flat. Second excited... tire man in parking lot. Third disappointed... tire blows. Forth fear...in a dangerous situation. Fifth hopeful.... man coming to rescue us. Sixth disappointed.... he cant help. Seventh felt cared for... Rick taking the time to call. Eighth loved.... my husband kept in contact. Nineth rescued.... Ernie coming to pick us up. Tenth rescued....Ernie was going to care for us! Eleventh hopeful.... second man on his way to fix tire. Twelve scared... Becca and I all alone in Shuttle. Thirteenth safe.... Ernie was there. Fourteenth excited.... the repair man arrives. Fifteenth disappointed...he couldn't do anything. Sixteenth safe and rescued and cared for..... Home with Ernie and Gail to sleep in a nice safe cool house. Seventeenth supported... heard Ernie talking with people about the shuttle as I got out of a hot shower.
There were three amazing moments. One when I heard my husbands voice, calm supportive yet confident. I felt like... "I got this" after hearing him. He was concerned but not overly so. He made me feel stronger somehow. Then when Rick agreed to call and see what he could work out. I wanted to cry, it was wonderful being cared for! Then when Ernie came. We were loading up the students in his van. I had suggested they take us to the school where we could sleep the night on the floor. Ernie calm and strong said I'm not taking you there you are coming to my house or a close by hotel. I'm going to make sure you are taken care of. We were happy for the floor, but he was over the top kind! What a blessing. Then when Ernie came, stayed with us and then brought us home luxury.
As I took a shower just minutes ago, I thought what a beautiful example of our savior. We are in a mess. We are sweaty, dirty stinking, covered in (C) and he says, "nope I'm not dropping you off... your coming home with me, I'm not giving you the floor, I have a clean cool bed waiting, and while you rest, I'll work to make sure things are cleaned up." Can't you just hear God being that way. Hasn't he been that way with each of us. He is our rescuer, and he doesn't just make sure we are OK he lavishes us with his love and care.
We have had a difficult week. Set back after set back and it is easy to see how Satan is working to bring us down. But today in all of our disappointment and with all our set backs, I was reminded of how beautiful it is to be rescued! Really rescued!
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Friday, June 29, 2012
278- Today... Thursday.
My boy came to see Becca today. I was filling in for several people who were gone today at VBS. I was sitting in the room where I was helping out when I looked up and there was Andrew and Becca. He was tanned, with new facial hair and a huge smile on his face. It was so good to see him! I ran out of the room and hugged him. Wow I miss my kids!!!! I miss them all.
Today as I spent just a couple brief moments with him before getting back to my post, I realized how much I enjoy time with him! How grown up he is becoming. What an wonderful man he has become. It was a wonderful huge blessing today!
Today I spent a couple minutes talking with one of my students about her body image. She doesn't like this and that about herself. I am telling you this girl is stunning! Beautiful hair, adorable smile, healthy fit body, and yet she sees a pile of imperfections. My heart ached for her today. I have not said much yet, I am hoping for a better time, but oh how I desperately wanted to tell her how rediculous she is. How it is crazy that she thinks that way. After all she is about as perfect and you can be. She is smart, kind, and has an infectious giggle. I sadly recognized her pain.
I remember my senior class trip. I was about a size 10. I was fit, but jut a stick. I had perfect 80's hair, (this was in the 80's so that is a good thing), and yet on my senior class trip I was ashamed to be in my bathing suite. I didn't want to swim etc. Finally a friend convinced me to take a picture. All the girls were doing these fun crazy poses so I felt like I had to join in. I hoped with every fiber of my being that I would see the pictures and think, wow I'm so much hotter than I thought. I'm not fat at all... etc.
A few weeks later the pictures were developed and I came to the bathing suit picture. All I could see was the huge stomach I had.... (it was nothing more than a curve created from the angle of the shot, it was not a stomach). It was all I could see. I hated to look at it, cringed just thinking of it, yet for some reason I didn't get rid of it! For some reason I kept the picture and still have it today.
Today when I see that picture my heart aches for that girl just as I ached for my student. Why oh why did I hate myself so much when I had nothing to hate. Today I know I must not hate myself anymore today. I may not be that size 10, but hating myself is just as sad today as it was back then. Looking at my body and loathing it is not acceptable ever!!!!
Living MtC means I have to let go of the hurtful habits I have hung on too for way too long. How can I share with my student of her beauty if I am still loathing myself today? I can't so I must stop! I can hear my husband saying.... "Put the (C) down.... just step away!!
Today as I spent just a couple brief moments with him before getting back to my post, I realized how much I enjoy time with him! How grown up he is becoming. What an wonderful man he has become. It was a wonderful huge blessing today!
Today I spent a couple minutes talking with one of my students about her body image. She doesn't like this and that about herself. I am telling you this girl is stunning! Beautiful hair, adorable smile, healthy fit body, and yet she sees a pile of imperfections. My heart ached for her today. I have not said much yet, I am hoping for a better time, but oh how I desperately wanted to tell her how rediculous she is. How it is crazy that she thinks that way. After all she is about as perfect and you can be. She is smart, kind, and has an infectious giggle. I sadly recognized her pain.
I remember my senior class trip. I was about a size 10. I was fit, but jut a stick. I had perfect 80's hair, (this was in the 80's so that is a good thing), and yet on my senior class trip I was ashamed to be in my bathing suite. I didn't want to swim etc. Finally a friend convinced me to take a picture. All the girls were doing these fun crazy poses so I felt like I had to join in. I hoped with every fiber of my being that I would see the pictures and think, wow I'm so much hotter than I thought. I'm not fat at all... etc.
A few weeks later the pictures were developed and I came to the bathing suit picture. All I could see was the huge stomach I had.... (it was nothing more than a curve created from the angle of the shot, it was not a stomach). It was all I could see. I hated to look at it, cringed just thinking of it, yet for some reason I didn't get rid of it! For some reason I kept the picture and still have it today.
Today when I see that picture my heart aches for that girl just as I ached for my student. Why oh why did I hate myself so much when I had nothing to hate. Today I know I must not hate myself anymore today. I may not be that size 10, but hating myself is just as sad today as it was back then. Looking at my body and loathing it is not acceptable ever!!!!
Living MtC means I have to let go of the hurtful habits I have hung on too for way too long. How can I share with my student of her beauty if I am still loathing myself today? I can't so I must stop! I can hear my husband saying.... "Put the (C) down.... just step away!!
277- Back to work
So Wednesday we spent doing the work of recruiting. We called people, facebooked people, we texted people. Prayed for people, and wrote thank you notes to the many people who have been helping us out this summer.
Writing thank you notes is a wonderful art that should not be lost. I have to confess, I have written lots of notes in my life that were never delivered. (something about follow thru I have a problem with :( ). But today as we were writing I saw a complete change in me. There is something humbling about writing thank you notes. To express gratitude for what others have done for you!
After today, I think I have to draw the conclusion that living MtC should include writing thank you notes on a regular basis. It was wonderful to experience the change in me. Some of our time was used just sitting and trying to think who else we should thank. When was the last time you just sat down and thought. We should write thank you notes. Who should we thank and for what? We were thanking people for providing food, places to stay, work, for invitations. Just the process of contemplating who we were going to thank was beneficial.
Living MtC should include a heart of gratitude and the expression of that gratitude. Gratitude left unsaid or kept to ones self does can be not only benefitless but a waste.
Writing thank you notes is a wonderful art that should not be lost. I have to confess, I have written lots of notes in my life that were never delivered. (something about follow thru I have a problem with :( ). But today as we were writing I saw a complete change in me. There is something humbling about writing thank you notes. To express gratitude for what others have done for you!
After today, I think I have to draw the conclusion that living MtC should include writing thank you notes on a regular basis. It was wonderful to experience the change in me. Some of our time was used just sitting and trying to think who else we should thank. When was the last time you just sat down and thought. We should write thank you notes. Who should we thank and for what? We were thanking people for providing food, places to stay, work, for invitations. Just the process of contemplating who we were going to thank was beneficial.
Living MtC should include a heart of gratitude and the expression of that gratitude. Gratitude left unsaid or kept to ones self does can be not only benefitless but a waste.
276- Tuesday post late... ergggg.
It is early Friday morning and I am just trying to go to bed. 12:17 to be exact and I just can't fall asleep. Why you ask. Well I have not blogged since Tuesday morning about the same time, which was for Monday. That puts me three days behind if I don't blog tonight. Let's just say it was not letting me sleep. So I am up to write three blogs, complete them and hopefully fall asleep with the task accomplished.
Monday had been the day of scolding the kids so I decided Tuesday I wanted to spoil them. Good food, entertainment, time at the mall, etc. Anything I could think of that would celebrate! Lucky for me one of my students had just had a birthday so I used her birthday as the excuse. It was just an excuse though. I really believe it is crucial to celebrate whenever possible. I realize many may argue with my method of "parenting" when one day they are bad and the next I reward them by spoiling them. Yet seriously doesn't our heavenly father spoil us everyday. He lavishes love and grace on us when we are completely unlovable. He gives us grace when we don't deserve anything close. After a day of celebrating the students worked extra hard that night at VBS. There was a spark back in them.
Every time I questioned what I was doing, I thought of what my heavenly father has done for me. What I have received that I did not deserve. There is so much! I work the kids hard, and we ask a lot of them. I also needed them to know that I could scold them and still love and lavish them!
I think it is obvious from this post that I am still trying to convince you and myself that it was alright what I did. I know it is different from how I was brought up, and I am obviously having a hard time just believing I did OK. I did find peace in just thinking of my Savior and his amazing love for me. I trust that he will guide me, he can use my efforts and make something beautiful out of them. I also know if my heart is open that he will correct me if need be.
Today I fought with questioning my methods. Today, I let go of the (C) by keeping my focus on my loving Savior and the ways that he has lavished me over the years. How much He loves me inspite of me! How much he desires to celebrate with me....Us!!!! Living MtC was simply looking up!
Monday had been the day of scolding the kids so I decided Tuesday I wanted to spoil them. Good food, entertainment, time at the mall, etc. Anything I could think of that would celebrate! Lucky for me one of my students had just had a birthday so I used her birthday as the excuse. It was just an excuse though. I really believe it is crucial to celebrate whenever possible. I realize many may argue with my method of "parenting" when one day they are bad and the next I reward them by spoiling them. Yet seriously doesn't our heavenly father spoil us everyday. He lavishes love and grace on us when we are completely unlovable. He gives us grace when we don't deserve anything close. After a day of celebrating the students worked extra hard that night at VBS. There was a spark back in them.
Every time I questioned what I was doing, I thought of what my heavenly father has done for me. What I have received that I did not deserve. There is so much! I work the kids hard, and we ask a lot of them. I also needed them to know that I could scold them and still love and lavish them!
I think it is obvious from this post that I am still trying to convince you and myself that it was alright what I did. I know it is different from how I was brought up, and I am obviously having a hard time just believing I did OK. I did find peace in just thinking of my Savior and his amazing love for me. I trust that he will guide me, he can use my efforts and make something beautiful out of them. I also know if my heart is open that he will correct me if need be.
Today I fought with questioning my methods. Today, I let go of the (C) by keeping my focus on my loving Savior and the ways that he has lavished me over the years. How much He loves me inspite of me! How much he desires to celebrate with me....Us!!!! Living MtC was simply looking up!
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
275- Facing my fears...
Today I had to deal with two very difficult things! First, I left Becca with the students and I went to get my hair cut. The last few weeks it has been way past time. My hair has been a complete mess. It has been too long, too dry, too everything. I have been wearing it in a bun or pony tail everywhere. It has been awful. So today I decided, it was the day!!! I looked up an Aveda salon and set out to find it. I walked in and instead of the pretty female receptionist I was expecting I found an Asian gentleman who looked like he should be working in a bank. His wife was in the back cutting a woman's hair. It was very quiet and I was very scared. He said he could cut my hair right then. That is even worse. You know it isn't good when the owner, top stylist, is free for a walk in.
I considered leaving, but I was too chicken. So I proceeded to try to explain to him what I wanted done. I decided this was not the time to try something drastic so I told him something simple and we started the process. I battled with crap! Looking at myself in the mirror as he worked, doubting everything he was doing, hating what I saw in my tired face, without make up, not sure he would do anything I would like... It was a terrible time. What he ended up doing wasn't terrible, but it wasn't something exciting to write home about. I still plan to get it done again in Charlotte at some point.
Then after leaving the hair place, I went back to the church where Becca was more than frustrated with what had happened with the students. They had been disrespectful to her and the woman they were to be working with and she was frustrated and mad. I knew I had to deal with it but erggggg not something I like doing. I drove to our next location thinking the whole way, and finally ended up having a chat with the students. They were ultimately being goofy, but it was not the time. We worked it out and then I treated them to Starbucks. (I'm such a mean boss!) I can not begin to tell you what I had to do to muster the strength to scold them. I hate doing that more than anything. It had to be done, but oooooh, it was not fun! I waded through crap to get to the point where I could. I had to tell myself, this was one of those times when I had to be the adult, I had to do the difficult thing. I survived it and now tomorrow I am planning some things that will hopefully help to build up good feelings in the group.
It has been a rough day, but all in all, I made it through. I found a way to get though the (C) and put on my big girl pants. I was the grown up today and it wasn't easy but I did it!
I considered leaving, but I was too chicken. So I proceeded to try to explain to him what I wanted done. I decided this was not the time to try something drastic so I told him something simple and we started the process. I battled with crap! Looking at myself in the mirror as he worked, doubting everything he was doing, hating what I saw in my tired face, without make up, not sure he would do anything I would like... It was a terrible time. What he ended up doing wasn't terrible, but it wasn't something exciting to write home about. I still plan to get it done again in Charlotte at some point.
Then after leaving the hair place, I went back to the church where Becca was more than frustrated with what had happened with the students. They had been disrespectful to her and the woman they were to be working with and she was frustrated and mad. I knew I had to deal with it but erggggg not something I like doing. I drove to our next location thinking the whole way, and finally ended up having a chat with the students. They were ultimately being goofy, but it was not the time. We worked it out and then I treated them to Starbucks. (I'm such a mean boss!) I can not begin to tell you what I had to do to muster the strength to scold them. I hate doing that more than anything. It had to be done, but oooooh, it was not fun! I waded through crap to get to the point where I could. I had to tell myself, this was one of those times when I had to be the adult, I had to do the difficult thing. I survived it and now tomorrow I am planning some things that will hopefully help to build up good feelings in the group.
It has been a rough day, but all in all, I made it through. I found a way to get though the (C) and put on my big girl pants. I was the grown up today and it wasn't easy but I did it!
274- Late....Nothin'
This post is late because..... well I had nothin' nothin' to write. I was so tired I couldn't even think of anything that had happened on my day that would warrant a post. So I fell asleep with my computer beside me with nothing but 274 in the title.
Today I have thought about having nothing to blog and what makes a difference. The easy answer is tired.... but I don't like that answer when I ask what is wrong... so I'm not going to accept that from myself!
The truth is this process may seem simple, you know... just type for a few minutes each day your thoughts about the day and how it pertains to living MtC, but it isn't that easy. In fact it is down right hard. Hard to live conscious of what is going on in my life on a deeper level. It takes living in the moment, not setting aside feelings, but facing them, and then investigating them. It takes going through my day with focus.
Living MtC for me involves paying attention to what is really going on in my heart and mind, knowing myself, facing the reality of what I am going through not just plowing through my day. It means living more than a list of events. It means living a life! Yesterday, I had just gone through the day living a list and I ended up with nothin'. I have spent a lifetime focusing on the events in my life completely unaware of everything else. No more! I am now willing to be brave enough to face and relish in the heart of my days!
Today I have thought about having nothing to blog and what makes a difference. The easy answer is tired.... but I don't like that answer when I ask what is wrong... so I'm not going to accept that from myself!
The truth is this process may seem simple, you know... just type for a few minutes each day your thoughts about the day and how it pertains to living MtC, but it isn't that easy. In fact it is down right hard. Hard to live conscious of what is going on in my life on a deeper level. It takes living in the moment, not setting aside feelings, but facing them, and then investigating them. It takes going through my day with focus.
Living MtC for me involves paying attention to what is really going on in my heart and mind, knowing myself, facing the reality of what I am going through not just plowing through my day. It means living more than a list of events. It means living a life! Yesterday, I had just gone through the day living a list and I ended up with nothin'. I have spent a lifetime focusing on the events in my life completely unaware of everything else. No more! I am now willing to be brave enough to face and relish in the heart of my days!
Sunday, June 24, 2012
273- Continued
Wow I feel blessed! I can not begin to describe how full I am right now! Yesterday was a beautiful day full to the brim with blessings. This morning has already been filled with little and big blessings.
Yesterday started very early as I headed up to Statesville, NC with the recruiting team to attend church. It meant up and out early. We made it on time, participated in Sabbath School, then a snack time between services and on to Church. During the church service we had some music, a children's story, showed a DVD and then special music. Frankly it all seemed a little flat... I'm not sure what was up with the students, perhaps they were tired, maybe just shy, but I was worried. I wondered what I could have done better to inject some energy into them. Then I just stopped thinking and prayed that the Lord would take our offering, take it and use it. I prayed for the church, the recruiting team, for me, for my family, for our school. After praying I was able to just exhale and enjoy. Pastor Cove, had a wonderful sermon that was filled with an illustration that was powerful! I won't share it all but in the end a young girl was rescued by her daddy, it was a poignant illustration of our heavenly fathers desire to rescue us all! Such a blessing!
Then after church it was time for pot luck and we spent the entire time talking with potential or perspective families. It was wonderful! The kids really connected! I had an amazing conversation with a woman who has been very hurt by the church, who frankly has so much (C) from a life time of hardship that I ached for her. She inspired me with her story, and I know God is not done with her yet!!!! It was one of those conversations that you come away from knowing we met at this time for the purpose of that conversation. It was such a blessing!
Then the drive home, with just enough time to change and go to the Faith Family and Freedom concert in Charlotte. I arrived home to find my husband in bed, climbed in next to him and almost decided to send the students with Becca and spend the evening at home with my man, but the thoughts of seeing the fireworks display got me out of bed!!!! It was a long long long concert with many Christian music artists. I enjoyed it, but kept looking forward to the fireworks.
Finally the fireworks started and I realized I was standing there with a girlish grin on my face just relishing in the delight of the show. I wondered what it was about fireworks that just thrills my soul. Perhaps the patriotic celebration, perhaps the memories of a child laying in the grass on the side of a hill watching fireworks, perhaps because in Ethiopia we didn't have the opportunity to watch fire works..... then a huge amazing fireworks exploded in the sky and I just started giggling! It was all of the above reasons.... but mostly it was the fact that they sparkle!!!! They sparkle in colors! For thirty minutes I can sit and watch the sky sparkle in time to amazing music praising God! HUGE BLESSING!!!!!!
Then after it all we drove to Sonic and fed all 11 of us. Amy (our server) was cheerful and amazing to us all! It was just an added bonus to the evening.
This morning as I was getting in the shower, I saw just out of our picture window a beautiful sight. Two spotted baby deer with their mother in our back yard. The baby deer were frolicking as if they didn't have a care in the world, while the mother stood with her ears twitching watching diligently for any sign of danger. As I watched those beautiful creatures dancing, I thought of the text that says we need to become like little children. I yearned to be frolicking like those fawns. I yearn to have not a care in the world. Is that impossible, being an adult in a sinful world. Do I have to be like the doe, who had to be on the watch, constantly aware, and searching for danger? I'm not sure of the answer but I do know that my protector is in heaven, I can trust Him with everything, and I think it is His desire that we leave so much at his feet that we can be frolicking as fawns. What a wonderful thought!
Today was filled with so many blessings I feel blessed to be a child of God! Yesterday living MtC was made possible in part by keeping my eyes on the incredible blessings of God.
And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 18:3
Yesterday started very early as I headed up to Statesville, NC with the recruiting team to attend church. It meant up and out early. We made it on time, participated in Sabbath School, then a snack time between services and on to Church. During the church service we had some music, a children's story, showed a DVD and then special music. Frankly it all seemed a little flat... I'm not sure what was up with the students, perhaps they were tired, maybe just shy, but I was worried. I wondered what I could have done better to inject some energy into them. Then I just stopped thinking and prayed that the Lord would take our offering, take it and use it. I prayed for the church, the recruiting team, for me, for my family, for our school. After praying I was able to just exhale and enjoy. Pastor Cove, had a wonderful sermon that was filled with an illustration that was powerful! I won't share it all but in the end a young girl was rescued by her daddy, it was a poignant illustration of our heavenly fathers desire to rescue us all! Such a blessing!
Then after church it was time for pot luck and we spent the entire time talking with potential or perspective families. It was wonderful! The kids really connected! I had an amazing conversation with a woman who has been very hurt by the church, who frankly has so much (C) from a life time of hardship that I ached for her. She inspired me with her story, and I know God is not done with her yet!!!! It was one of those conversations that you come away from knowing we met at this time for the purpose of that conversation. It was such a blessing!
Then the drive home, with just enough time to change and go to the Faith Family and Freedom concert in Charlotte. I arrived home to find my husband in bed, climbed in next to him and almost decided to send the students with Becca and spend the evening at home with my man, but the thoughts of seeing the fireworks display got me out of bed!!!! It was a long long long concert with many Christian music artists. I enjoyed it, but kept looking forward to the fireworks.
Finally the fireworks started and I realized I was standing there with a girlish grin on my face just relishing in the delight of the show. I wondered what it was about fireworks that just thrills my soul. Perhaps the patriotic celebration, perhaps the memories of a child laying in the grass on the side of a hill watching fireworks, perhaps because in Ethiopia we didn't have the opportunity to watch fire works..... then a huge amazing fireworks exploded in the sky and I just started giggling! It was all of the above reasons.... but mostly it was the fact that they sparkle!!!! They sparkle in colors! For thirty minutes I can sit and watch the sky sparkle in time to amazing music praising God! HUGE BLESSING!!!!!!
Then after it all we drove to Sonic and fed all 11 of us. Amy (our server) was cheerful and amazing to us all! It was just an added bonus to the evening.
This morning as I was getting in the shower, I saw just out of our picture window a beautiful sight. Two spotted baby deer with their mother in our back yard. The baby deer were frolicking as if they didn't have a care in the world, while the mother stood with her ears twitching watching diligently for any sign of danger. As I watched those beautiful creatures dancing, I thought of the text that says we need to become like little children. I yearned to be frolicking like those fawns. I yearn to have not a care in the world. Is that impossible, being an adult in a sinful world. Do I have to be like the doe, who had to be on the watch, constantly aware, and searching for danger? I'm not sure of the answer but I do know that my protector is in heaven, I can trust Him with everything, and I think it is His desire that we leave so much at his feet that we can be frolicking as fawns. What a wonderful thought!
Today was filled with so many blessings I feel blessed to be a child of God! Yesterday living MtC was made possible in part by keeping my eyes on the incredible blessings of God.
And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 18:3
273- What a long day!!!
It has been an incredibly long and wonderful day. I have so much to write, HOWEVER.... it is my last night home with my man for a week, I'm exhausted and so I am going to blog about living MtC tomorrow. Tomorrow I will be missing my man... tonight I'm taking advantage of him being beside me!!!!
So good night everyone, I will blog twice tomorrow!
So good night everyone, I will blog twice tomorrow!
Saturday, June 23, 2012
272- Celebrate!
I've said it many times, but I do love to celebrate! Last night after blogging, after some precious time with my husband, after finding out my sons favorite team won, my daughter Anna walked into our bedroom with her ipad. She was checking to see if she had passed or failed her nursing boards. It showed that results were in, she needed a credit card to pay for the early results, her dad took the ipad, whipped out his card and started typing in the info. She was coming apart with fear, nervous doesn't cover it.... Her dad then looks up and says well hello Nurse Anna!!!! She passed. She danced around the room, we all cried for joy, what a big moment! My little baby is a nurse. How is that possible, where did the time go? It seems like just yesterday Chris and I found out, much to our surprise that we were pregnant. Then nine months later she forever changed our lives. She is such a gem, so full of love and joy, she is young at heart, sings beautifully and is a smart young woman. When I see hurts and struggles in her life it is easy to look at what I did wrong as a parent, what I wish I had done differently, and yet I have to remember, in a weird way that makes it all about me! It is not about me. She is not just a product of what I did or didn't do she is an amazing human being who we had the honor of trying to nurture and protect enough to grow her to adulthood.
So today, I am celebrating who she is, who the Lord designed her to be. I am loving her and so proud of who and what she is!
Tonight we drove up to Statesville to have a fireside supper with the youth. It was a wonderful time, lots of singing, fellowship, games and worship. It was a nice way to start the Sabbath.
God is good, and tonight as I fall asleep I am thanking him for my girl and all the joy she has brought to my life. Tonight I am praising God for the beauty that surrounds us. Tonight I am thankful for a day where celebrating was more on my mind than (C). I like it that way!!!!!
So today, I am celebrating who she is, who the Lord designed her to be. I am loving her and so proud of who and what she is!
Tonight we drove up to Statesville to have a fireside supper with the youth. It was a wonderful time, lots of singing, fellowship, games and worship. It was a nice way to start the Sabbath.
God is good, and tonight as I fall asleep I am thanking him for my girl and all the joy she has brought to my life. Tonight I am praising God for the beauty that surrounds us. Tonight I am thankful for a day where celebrating was more on my mind than (C). I like it that way!!!!!
Thursday, June 21, 2012
271- More hard work
Today was again filled with working at the same place as yesterday. I used bleach water to clean the trim on both houses, girls painted, boys dug out another huge stump and all in 94 degree weather. The students were troopers and we accomplished a lot!
This is going to be a very short post, because my husband is on his way home and time with him is precious! It is going to be a very short post, because I am exhausted beyond words!
This day was free of (C) thanks to serving others, exhaustion and encouraging scripture. I kept thinking today how I need to plan in my daily life, my everyday personal free time someway to serve those around me, those who can't do for themselves. I know my life is crazy, but I feel healthier tonight, both mentally and physically. I would like to find a place similar to where we were today and just find a way to help. Working for those who can't do for themselves, has a way of highlighting the many blessings in my life and they are many. Tonight I am thankful for three healthy children who are growing into amazing adults! Tonight I am thankful for a husband who loves me just as I am! Tonight I am thankful for more friends than I can number. Tonight I am thankful for a job that gives me the opportunity to grow and learn! Tonight I am thankful for a Savior who loves me and yearns to spend time with me! Tonight I am thankful for health, a bed, and flowers in pots by my front steps!
Living MtC was made possible today because of service, gratitude and a relationship with my Savior!
Romans 5:2-5 Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
This is going to be a very short post, because my husband is on his way home and time with him is precious! It is going to be a very short post, because I am exhausted beyond words!
This day was free of (C) thanks to serving others, exhaustion and encouraging scripture. I kept thinking today how I need to plan in my daily life, my everyday personal free time someway to serve those around me, those who can't do for themselves. I know my life is crazy, but I feel healthier tonight, both mentally and physically. I would like to find a place similar to where we were today and just find a way to help. Working for those who can't do for themselves, has a way of highlighting the many blessings in my life and they are many. Tonight I am thankful for three healthy children who are growing into amazing adults! Tonight I am thankful for a husband who loves me just as I am! Tonight I am thankful for more friends than I can number. Tonight I am thankful for a job that gives me the opportunity to grow and learn! Tonight I am thankful for a Savior who loves me and yearns to spend time with me! Tonight I am thankful for health, a bed, and flowers in pots by my front steps!
Living MtC was made possible today because of service, gratitude and a relationship with my Savior!
Romans 5:2-5 Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
270- Scrubbing...
Today has been quite the day. I am exhausted and ready to fall into bed and it isn't even 10. We went to Statesville, NC and worked at a home for the mentally challenged. We were pressure washing, bleaching the eaves or soffits. We also picked up the trimmings after the bushes were being trimmed, and the guys dug out stumps. It was a very tiring and exhausting day. I spent most of the day working on scrubbing mildew off the soffits. It was quite a job. Bleach water dripping all down my arms, dripping on my face, running down my back, lets just say gloves did not do there job! It was a mess. I stood there on the ladder watching the black mildew disappear as soon as the bleach hits it. It was quite amazing. It reminded me of this blog. I was wondering what would be as powerful on crap. Bleach is to mildew as what is to crap?
As I continued to work, and my hands were burning from the bleach it dawned on me. Serving others, or cleaning up for others. There was something magical, something wonderful about cleaning up for these wonderful individuals who needed some help. All day I was filled with joy. With joy filling my heart there was no room for (C). As the mildew disappeared the white started to shine. It was no longer dulled from the mildew. It caught the sunlight and looked so much better!
If I want to sparkle, if I want to really live without the dulling affects of (C) I need to make sure that there is always time used to help others clean up their lives too! Helping and serving others is an essential element of living MtC!
It was an incredibly hard day and yet it was filled with such satisfaction and joy! My fingers still hurt, we are all soar and yet it was an amazing day! A huge thanks to Pastor Cove for arranging this opportunity for us and working incredibly hard too! What a blessing!
Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. 11 If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen. 1Peter 4:10-12
As I continued to work, and my hands were burning from the bleach it dawned on me. Serving others, or cleaning up for others. There was something magical, something wonderful about cleaning up for these wonderful individuals who needed some help. All day I was filled with joy. With joy filling my heart there was no room for (C). As the mildew disappeared the white started to shine. It was no longer dulled from the mildew. It caught the sunlight and looked so much better!
If I want to sparkle, if I want to really live without the dulling affects of (C) I need to make sure that there is always time used to help others clean up their lives too! Helping and serving others is an essential element of living MtC!
It was an incredibly hard day and yet it was filled with such satisfaction and joy! My fingers still hurt, we are all soar and yet it was an amazing day! A huge thanks to Pastor Cove for arranging this opportunity for us and working incredibly hard too! What a blessing!
Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms. 11 If anyone speaks, they should do so as one who speaks the very words of God. If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen. 1Peter 4:10-12
269- (Late) Celebrating
My daughter Anna took her nursing boards today. We still have not heard how she did but we wanted to celebrate her just talking them!!!! I am of the firm opinion that it is fun to celebrate everything you can, especially where our kids are concerned. After all this world is not an easy place to navigate and I want them to know that their parents are celebrating them!!!
So we planned a celebration at a new restaurant called Fern. It is a vegetarian restaurant that was quite delicious. We went with the Kendalls, ate food and just talked and caught up, and celebrated Anna! Anna is an amazing girl, smart, hard working, kind, and always on time! She has always done very well in school, but her experience taking the boards was incredibly difficult and scary. She has prepared well, and yet it wasn't anything she was expecting. There were no questions about several sections, like pediatrics and obstetrics and tons and tons of questions about drugs. She really struggled and is not feeling very confident!
I have a real problem with people being disappointed. It makes me sick to my stomach and I stress way more than I should.... or perhaps I should say I used to. I found today being able, being free to just celebrate and love my girl, and assure her that no matter the outcome, she is amazing and I adore her! I'm not sure why the change except to say that it is so much easier to just let go of things. I have confidence that she will make it through and she will be an amazing nurse. If it takes her another try or not it doesn't matter.
It was also so nice to also spend time with friends!
Today living MtC included celebrating! I really believe it is important to celebrate, to celebrate what Christ has done for us to celebrate those we love, to celebrate!!!!
Hallelujah! I will celebrate Jehovah with my whole heart, in the council of the upright, and in the assembly. Psalms 111:1
So we planned a celebration at a new restaurant called Fern. It is a vegetarian restaurant that was quite delicious. We went with the Kendalls, ate food and just talked and caught up, and celebrated Anna! Anna is an amazing girl, smart, hard working, kind, and always on time! She has always done very well in school, but her experience taking the boards was incredibly difficult and scary. She has prepared well, and yet it wasn't anything she was expecting. There were no questions about several sections, like pediatrics and obstetrics and tons and tons of questions about drugs. She really struggled and is not feeling very confident!
I have a real problem with people being disappointed. It makes me sick to my stomach and I stress way more than I should.... or perhaps I should say I used to. I found today being able, being free to just celebrate and love my girl, and assure her that no matter the outcome, she is amazing and I adore her! I'm not sure why the change except to say that it is so much easier to just let go of things. I have confidence that she will make it through and she will be an amazing nurse. If it takes her another try or not it doesn't matter.
It was also so nice to also spend time with friends!
Today living MtC included celebrating! I really believe it is important to celebrate, to celebrate what Christ has done for us to celebrate those we love, to celebrate!!!!
Hallelujah! I will celebrate Jehovah with my whole heart, in the council of the upright, and in the assembly. Psalms 111:1
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Fun in the Son!!!
Today was filled with fun and sun. I took the students to Carowinds,
helped put together a flower basket for a friend, spent time with Becca
(always a joy!) and basked in the sunshine. I used to love
sunbathing. I did it every spring in hopes to get a little color. I
hoped to look more like my mother, my sister, my brothers, all whom have
beautiful dark island skin. In our family we have always been proud of
our Hawaiian heritage and with that came the desire to look the part.
Unfortunately I did not get the island skin gene. Instead I was blessed
with the European milky skin. Though I don't burn as much as one might
think, I don't tan either. Many hours in the sun produces a tan only
visible next to the white untouched skin. So basically unless I bear it
all (not something I will ever feel comfortable doing) a tan is unseen
on me! That has not stopped me from tanning most of my life. Several
years back, I decided to honor my milky white skin and stop tanning.
However I still enjoy that feeling of soaking up the sunshine and today
at Carowinds I was able to do just that. While soaking it in, I also
was able to do another favorite past time..... people watching. It is
so much fun at Carowinds. I watched family dynamics, contrast in body
types, parenting skills and over all levels of fun. Some parents seemed
so stressed that I wondered how they even ended up there. Others were
just having fun with their kids. Some were disciplinarians and others
let their kids boss them around. One lady right in front of us sat as
her son berated her for a good 5 minutes for bringing the wrong
goggles. Then at his insistence she went and bought some new goggles
since the ones in the bag were completely inadequate. It was
fascinating to watch.
At one point I was watching a woman sitting in front of us. She had on a hat and from what I could tell she looked like a grandmother. Every once in a while a gentleman with a small girl came and said a few words to her and then they would leave again. She was just sitting there in her hat people watching too. Then at one point a song came on she liked and she started dancing in her chair. Hands up over her head, snapping her fingers and swaying to the music. It was as if she could not control her self, she just had to dance. I found myself smiling. It brought joy to see her filled with such abandoned joy!
I am not that fun, most of the time. I tend to be a bit sober minded, I like to do what is right, not what is fun. Now I have my moments, but it is hard for me to be free enough to just cut loose when a good song comes on the radio. It is hard for me to just leap or dance when I want to. I think it is hard for me to have fun sometimes. Just good clean crazy fun!!!!
As I watched that beautiful woman dancing in her chair with her sun hat on I kept thinking what joy it brought me, just to watch. How it made me wish I had some of that.....that confidence..... that rhythm.....that joy! I think we should have fun!!! I think we should be filled with joy and laughter!!!! I think if more Christians knew how to have fun, good belly laughing fun, if we knew how to dance for joy, how infectious it would be. I keep thinking of one of the songs that made me know I was supposed to start this blog.... Mandisa....
I know to live MtC it is important to have fun in the sun and in the son! It is important to dance for Him! It is important to be free enough to put your hands up in the air!!!! Thanks Mandisa. I know He wants us free enough, filled with enough joy, to be as an infectious example of his transforming joy!!!!
At one point I was watching a woman sitting in front of us. She had on a hat and from what I could tell she looked like a grandmother. Every once in a while a gentleman with a small girl came and said a few words to her and then they would leave again. She was just sitting there in her hat people watching too. Then at one point a song came on she liked and she started dancing in her chair. Hands up over her head, snapping her fingers and swaying to the music. It was as if she could not control her self, she just had to dance. I found myself smiling. It brought joy to see her filled with such abandoned joy!
I am not that fun, most of the time. I tend to be a bit sober minded, I like to do what is right, not what is fun. Now I have my moments, but it is hard for me to be free enough to just cut loose when a good song comes on the radio. It is hard for me to just leap or dance when I want to. I think it is hard for me to have fun sometimes. Just good clean crazy fun!!!!
As I watched that beautiful woman dancing in her chair with her sun hat on I kept thinking what joy it brought me, just to watch. How it made me wish I had some of that.....that confidence..... that rhythm.....that joy! I think we should have fun!!! I think we should be filled with joy and laughter!!!! I think if more Christians knew how to have fun, good belly laughing fun, if we knew how to dance for joy, how infectious it would be. I keep thinking of one of the songs that made me know I was supposed to start this blog.... Mandisa....
I know to live MtC it is important to have fun in the sun and in the son! It is important to dance for Him! It is important to be free enough to put your hands up in the air!!!! Thanks Mandisa. I know He wants us free enough, filled with enough joy, to be as an infectious example of his transforming joy!!!!
Monday, June 18, 2012
267- Fathers Day!
Fathers Day! A great time to thank our fathers and the fathers of our children for all they have done!!!! I have so much to be thankful for in this department! My father was wonderful at showing me love, making me want to be better, helping me believe I was worth something! He was an all around great dad! I remember thinking as a teenager that I hoped I could marry someone who would be as good a dad to my children. God answered my prayer for sure! Chris is far from a perfect man, but he is an amazing dad to our three.
Today I enjoyed spending time with the father of my children. We took a motorcycle ride to Salisbury, (the town where we married) and ate breakfast. Then we drove home. It was a beautiful day, and around ever corner seemed to be another beautiful post card perfect view. It was just amazing! After arriving home Chris and I just spent time together connecting. Becca had taken the students to the mall, and Anna was studying so the house was quiet. What a wonderful time we had!
So it was a perfect day.... right.... well almost. I did struggle with some (C) but I did put forth a serious effort to keep my eyes on Christ, to keep setting it down if possible. Chris and I decided to go for a motorcycle ride, quite early on. I was excited except for one thing. It meant I would have to try on m new motorcycle jacket. Chris really wanted me to have a nice jacket with all the protective elements, however I am.... well lets just say ample, and not your typical biker chick. Most companies don't make jackets to fit me. those that do seem to have there own size scale. All the reviews kept saying they ran terribly small. I finally decided to try, and ordered it. I was not home when it arrived so it has just been sitting there. I was going to have to try it on. I hate...Hate...HATE trying on clothes in front of people. See if it doesn't fit me it is because something is wrong with me not the clothes.... stupid....yes....reality... yes~~~~~ So back to this morning. Chris asked me to try it on, Becca was there, and Chris and he wanted me to just try it on in front of them I was terribly uncomfortable but I did. I tried to wash away the crap to set it down and just try it on. I pulled it out of the box and it looked way too small! I was sure there was no way it would fit. At this point I am about ready panic, but I kept fighting it, smiled for my man, and put it on....... IT FIT PERFECT!!!!! All that uncomfortableness for nothing!!
So we went riding and I loved my new jacket. IT is cool and cute too! I am literally falling asleep typing, so I suppose I should call it a night! I love the two most important fathers in my life... Chris and Daddy! Thank you both for being wonderful examples of Christs love!!!!!!
Today I enjoyed spending time with the father of my children. We took a motorcycle ride to Salisbury, (the town where we married) and ate breakfast. Then we drove home. It was a beautiful day, and around ever corner seemed to be another beautiful post card perfect view. It was just amazing! After arriving home Chris and I just spent time together connecting. Becca had taken the students to the mall, and Anna was studying so the house was quiet. What a wonderful time we had!
So it was a perfect day.... right.... well almost. I did struggle with some (C) but I did put forth a serious effort to keep my eyes on Christ, to keep setting it down if possible. Chris and I decided to go for a motorcycle ride, quite early on. I was excited except for one thing. It meant I would have to try on m new motorcycle jacket. Chris really wanted me to have a nice jacket with all the protective elements, however I am.... well lets just say ample, and not your typical biker chick. Most companies don't make jackets to fit me. those that do seem to have there own size scale. All the reviews kept saying they ran terribly small. I finally decided to try, and ordered it. I was not home when it arrived so it has just been sitting there. I was going to have to try it on. I hate...Hate...HATE trying on clothes in front of people. See if it doesn't fit me it is because something is wrong with me not the clothes.... stupid....yes....reality... yes~~~~~ So back to this morning. Chris asked me to try it on, Becca was there, and Chris and he wanted me to just try it on in front of them I was terribly uncomfortable but I did. I tried to wash away the crap to set it down and just try it on. I pulled it out of the box and it looked way too small! I was sure there was no way it would fit. At this point I am about ready panic, but I kept fighting it, smiled for my man, and put it on....... IT FIT PERFECT!!!!! All that uncomfortableness for nothing!!
So we went riding and I loved my new jacket. IT is cool and cute too! I am literally falling asleep typing, so I suppose I should call it a night! I love the two most important fathers in my life... Chris and Daddy! Thank you both for being wonderful examples of Christs love!!!!!!
Sunday, June 17, 2012
266- Home Sweet Home
What a happy Sabbath day it has been. This is going to be a short post.... I am falling asleep listening to the rhythm of my husbands snore!!!!!!!! How wonderful to be home! It has been a very long day that started with a beautiful sunrise shining in my window around 6am. It was a beautiful way to wake up. There are many blessings to share, many many, but I will just share my favorite. I'm HOME!!!! I went on a date with my husband tonight, we spent lots of time talking and talking. What a wonderful blessing to connect.
As my spirits lifted and my fears were calmed or silenced, as all that I had been yearning for just hours earlier was fulfilled, I couldn't help but think about how much we are missing when we don't spend time with Christ. He is right there all the time, wanting, yearning and ready to spend time with us. Spending time with him will calm our fears, strengthen our minds, soften our hearts, and put a sparkle in our eyes. I understand I have something rare and amazing with Chris, but each of us has the ability to have a relationship with Christ that is far better, so much more amazing.
This past week I have struggled with fear, doubt, and after today I know what I have to do, I have to make sure I am spending quality connecting time with Christ. Yes I would love to spend every minute with Chris, but frankly even Chris can't fill my heart, I need Jesus! So today, with all the joys that Sabbath brings I am so thankful to be with my husband, but even more, I am thankful to be reminded how important it is to simply spend time with Christ. I need to read His word, pray, and listen. I am challenging myself to do my best to really double the time I spend in bible study and prayer.
Today living MtC was easy.... I'm thankful for time with my husband and for the reminder that daily I can have even more if I am spending time with God!
But now, God's Message, the God who made you in the first place, Jacob, (Beth)
the One who got you started, Israel:
"Don't be afraid, I've redeemed you.
I've called your name. You're mine.
When you're in over your head, I'll be there with you.
When you're in rough waters, you will not go down.
When you're between a rock and a hard place,
it won't be a dead end—
Because I am God, your personal God,
The Holy of Israel, your Savior.
I paid a huge price for you:
all of Egypt, with rich Cush and Seba thrown in!
That's how much you mean to me!
That's how much I love you!
I'd sell off the whole world to get you back,
trade the creation just for you.
Isaiah 43:1-4
As my spirits lifted and my fears were calmed or silenced, as all that I had been yearning for just hours earlier was fulfilled, I couldn't help but think about how much we are missing when we don't spend time with Christ. He is right there all the time, wanting, yearning and ready to spend time with us. Spending time with him will calm our fears, strengthen our minds, soften our hearts, and put a sparkle in our eyes. I understand I have something rare and amazing with Chris, but each of us has the ability to have a relationship with Christ that is far better, so much more amazing.
This past week I have struggled with fear, doubt, and after today I know what I have to do, I have to make sure I am spending quality connecting time with Christ. Yes I would love to spend every minute with Chris, but frankly even Chris can't fill my heart, I need Jesus! So today, with all the joys that Sabbath brings I am so thankful to be with my husband, but even more, I am thankful to be reminded how important it is to simply spend time with Christ. I need to read His word, pray, and listen. I am challenging myself to do my best to really double the time I spend in bible study and prayer.
Today living MtC was easy.... I'm thankful for time with my husband and for the reminder that daily I can have even more if I am spending time with God!
But now, God's Message, the God who made you in the first place, Jacob, (Beth)
the One who got you started, Israel:
"Don't be afraid, I've redeemed you.
I've called your name. You're mine.
When you're in over your head, I'll be there with you.
When you're in rough waters, you will not go down.
When you're between a rock and a hard place,
it won't be a dead end—
Because I am God, your personal God,
The Holy of Israel, your Savior.
I paid a huge price for you:
all of Egypt, with rich Cush and Seba thrown in!
That's how much you mean to me!
That's how much I love you!
I'd sell off the whole world to get you back,
trade the creation just for you.
Isaiah 43:1-4
Saturday, June 16, 2012
265- 100 Posts left!!!!!!!!!!
Friday nights are my favorite. First I have amazing memories of Friday nights where we welcomed the Sabbath hours in with time with family, candles, good food, and a restfulness we didn't have any other time. Also I started this blog on Friday night so posting is so much more fun on Friday, it is one more week competed or the start of a new week!!!
This has been a challenging week for sure. I am missing my husband like crazy!!!!!! Missing his hugs, his laughter, the banter we have, the way we play with each other, joke, tease and love! I miss so very much hearing him snore!!!!! I miss everything!!!! Others in our group are missing people too! We have completed three weeks and we have four to go!
For me tonight is a good night because I am looking forward to going home tomorrow. Tonight is a great night because I had a short but wonderful voice mail from my man. Tonight is amazing because I will post 265 posts. I can without question say this is the most consistent I have been with anything other than loving Chris! Just doing something consistently is huge for me! A wonderful accomplishment.
Here it is..... I have decided for the last one hundred posts to.....
1. Keep doing what I have been doing! Blogging about trying to live MtC!
2. To honor God with how I care for my body.
3. To find a text for the day and post it.
4. To read one previous post each day. (I have forgotten way to much of what I have written)
1) Why these four things... well, I don't want to stop what I have been doing since that is the whole point to do it for 365 days. I will keep going.
2) I started this blog because I was sick and tired of everyone telling me what I should do to loose weight or be healthy, and all I did was get rebellious. I have used food and the lack of activity to numb myself. There is no way I wanted to consciously sit in the pile of Crap that was my life. So now with poppies popping up around me as we speak, with sparkles showing up everyday, I need to relearn a lot of habits. I need to step out and be even more vulnerable.
3) I want to be able at the end of the 100 days say I spent sometime in the word everyday. That he was a present and had an increased presence in the last 100 days.
4) I think it is important to remember where I have been, and remember where I am trying to go.
Today's text is:
I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt so that you would no longer be slaves to the Egyptians; I broke the bars of your yoke and enabled you to walk with heads held high.
Leviticus 26:12-14
I know that god has brought me this far and he will break the chains that have been such a burden, He will wash off all the (C) and I will hold my head high, and sparkle!
This has been a challenging week for sure. I am missing my husband like crazy!!!!!! Missing his hugs, his laughter, the banter we have, the way we play with each other, joke, tease and love! I miss so very much hearing him snore!!!!! I miss everything!!!! Others in our group are missing people too! We have completed three weeks and we have four to go!
For me tonight is a good night because I am looking forward to going home tomorrow. Tonight is a great night because I had a short but wonderful voice mail from my man. Tonight is amazing because I will post 265 posts. I can without question say this is the most consistent I have been with anything other than loving Chris! Just doing something consistently is huge for me! A wonderful accomplishment.
Here it is..... I have decided for the last one hundred posts to.....
1. Keep doing what I have been doing! Blogging about trying to live MtC!
2. To honor God with how I care for my body.
3. To find a text for the day and post it.
4. To read one previous post each day. (I have forgotten way to much of what I have written)
1) Why these four things... well, I don't want to stop what I have been doing since that is the whole point to do it for 365 days. I will keep going.
2) I started this blog because I was sick and tired of everyone telling me what I should do to loose weight or be healthy, and all I did was get rebellious. I have used food and the lack of activity to numb myself. There is no way I wanted to consciously sit in the pile of Crap that was my life. So now with poppies popping up around me as we speak, with sparkles showing up everyday, I need to relearn a lot of habits. I need to step out and be even more vulnerable.
3) I want to be able at the end of the 100 days say I spent sometime in the word everyday. That he was a present and had an increased presence in the last 100 days.
4) I think it is important to remember where I have been, and remember where I am trying to go.
Today's text is:
I am the LORD your God, who brought you out of Egypt so that you would no longer be slaves to the Egyptians; I broke the bars of your yoke and enabled you to walk with heads held high.
Leviticus 26:12-14
I know that god has brought me this far and he will break the chains that have been such a burden, He will wash off all the (C) and I will hold my head high, and sparkle!
264- (Late) Hmmmm
I have been contemplating and trying to make a decision about several things. One is a decision I can not share publicly and one is if or how to finish out the last hundred days of this blog. Both decisions are not life and death decisions but ones that are important to me none the less. Today it seems it has consumed my thoughts and every spare moment! I am serious it has been in the front of my thoughts all day. Here is the deal. I am having a very difficult time deciding between what it is I want to do and what it is I should do, and what others want me to do, and am I wanting to do things because of what others are wanting or ........... Wow what a day of frustration!
I have talked the decisions over with Becca, tried finding time to pray about it and even listen, I have weighed pros and cons, but still no decision.
One of the vitally important reasons for all this work has been to figure out how to be me and frankly who me is. In the book, The Gifts of Imperfection, Brene' Brown writes about authenticity. She writes about the struggle of being who we are, willing to honestly put ourselves out there. To do that takes a willingness to be vulnerable, honest, open and more. The hardest part for me is to through all this (C) know who is under there. How much of who I am is me because of who I was trying to be versus who I am to be. While trying to make these decisions I have struggled with this so much! (Writing this blog would be easier if I could share with you one of the decisions I am trying to make, but I can't... sorry everything is so vague.)
Vulnerability is very hard for me. I know I have been pouring out my heart and soul for 264 posts, but it isn't easy. This process has left me raw at times. I have seen some of you at church or around and feel almost embarrassed that you KNOW so much about me. Sometimes I am dying for you to tell me what you think, other times I am thankful you haven't. It is hard and yet nothing compared to being truly vulnerable with those I love, in face to face interaction. Vulnerable in loving completely with the risk of loosing.... Vulnerable enough to be happy, vulnerable enough to sparkle. There is risk in being happy, you can fall!
So what does vulnerability or authenticity have to do with these two decisions.... honestly I'm so tired I'm not sure. I guess I know I will not make the right decision with out Christ. I know I won't make the right decision unless I am willing to live big, to love, to let myself be happy, to put myself in a place where I may fall, and fall hard and yet trust and know if I need a safety net, Christ will be right there for me!
I am going to try to live, with authenticity and risk it all!!!
I have talked the decisions over with Becca, tried finding time to pray about it and even listen, I have weighed pros and cons, but still no decision.
One of the vitally important reasons for all this work has been to figure out how to be me and frankly who me is. In the book, The Gifts of Imperfection, Brene' Brown writes about authenticity. She writes about the struggle of being who we are, willing to honestly put ourselves out there. To do that takes a willingness to be vulnerable, honest, open and more. The hardest part for me is to through all this (C) know who is under there. How much of who I am is me because of who I was trying to be versus who I am to be. While trying to make these decisions I have struggled with this so much! (Writing this blog would be easier if I could share with you one of the decisions I am trying to make, but I can't... sorry everything is so vague.)
Vulnerability is very hard for me. I know I have been pouring out my heart and soul for 264 posts, but it isn't easy. This process has left me raw at times. I have seen some of you at church or around and feel almost embarrassed that you KNOW so much about me. Sometimes I am dying for you to tell me what you think, other times I am thankful you haven't. It is hard and yet nothing compared to being truly vulnerable with those I love, in face to face interaction. Vulnerable in loving completely with the risk of loosing.... Vulnerable enough to be happy, vulnerable enough to sparkle. There is risk in being happy, you can fall!
So what does vulnerability or authenticity have to do with these two decisions.... honestly I'm so tired I'm not sure. I guess I know I will not make the right decision with out Christ. I know I won't make the right decision unless I am willing to live big, to love, to let myself be happy, to put myself in a place where I may fall, and fall hard and yet trust and know if I need a safety net, Christ will be right there for me!
I am going to try to live, with authenticity and risk it all!!!
Thursday, June 14, 2012
263- Sparkles... Ladies we should be shining!!!!!
Today in the midst of all things hectic and crazy I got a facebook message from Kim. I was blown away and so thrilled! Here is a portion of her message.
........."... a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised".. so i look up the Hebrew word for praise, and guess what, it means "to shine" and "to celebrate" so i'm thinking a woman who fears the Lord is sparkling all over the place and spreading the sparkle around... thought you might like that...
i'll be up to statesville when you all are there.. hugs
I almost shrieked out loud for joy when reading her message. So a woman who fears or loves the Lord should shine! Shine!!! I love that so much I can't even begin to tell you. I think the "Ellen" or the conservative Christian church has valued dull. We are not to adorn, or do things to draw attention to ourselves. Not just in our dress but in our behavior, we have valued serious, intellectual, sober minded people. We try to be quiet, reverent, and even silent in our worship. Yet a woman who loves the Lord will shine and celebrate.... that doesn't fit the above description to me.
I am not saying I will start wearing sequins everywhere, or that I will start piercing everywhere so I can wear diamonds all over, or that I will start buying glitter eye shadow. Frankly it is not about the adornment issue for me... this is about my heart, my spirit, my eyes, and a little about my dress!
I had a very difficult time sleeping last night. I have been really missing Chris and our conversations have been frankly very short token, hello and I love you's, more than deep connecting conversations. As a result, I have had a hard time sleeping well. I have bad dreams about our relationship falling apart, I toss and turn and just think about him a lot. Please know I am not really afraid of our relationship falling apart, but the more disconnected I feel the harder these days apart are. My whole day is affected. I 'm tired, grumpy, all around dull, because I don't have that connection.
Just the same I really believe in this world most of us are walking around desperately needing to have a connection with Christ. We are so Christ deprived that we are living nightmares, carrying around (C), and we are dark and dreary! I am thrilled to think that the more I am Christ filled, the more I know him and love him. If I can stop with the token, Lord help me prayers, the thank you for the food prayers and really develop a deep abiding relationship with him that I will truly shine!!!! and celebrate!!!!!!
I want to just say one more thing. I love that shine and celebrate don't in anyway coincide with dark and dull, or quiet and sober minded! Ladies it is time to rock the shine!!!! To live loud and celebrate what Christ has done for us!!!!!!! Watch out.... the more the (C) is buried the more I will shine and sparkle!!!
Today living MtC came in part because of an incredible woman Kim Cove, who shared her insight in God's word. Thank you Kim!
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
262- Mentors
Today was an interesting day... good interesting! Becca took the students to their community service project and I stayed at the Andrew's home to have a phone call meeting with Rick. Most of the day was spent working on several projects for the school. But in the moments where I had some down time I spent time contemplating and praying for some of the very important mentors in my life. I learned something wonderful!!!! I have been incredibly blessed to have experienced Christ through some wonderful people. I remember Pastor Gary talking about how we are to be the living example of Christ. How we do represent or misrepresent him to the world. I have over and over throughout the years been blessed with quality humans who love the Lord, and though far from perfect, they have over and over and over helped me know Him better.
So today I spent time specifically praying for those who have helped me to know my Savior better. That was such a joy! Praying for those around us is also an incredible way to bury the (C).
Perhaps the best part of my day was getting to talk for a few minutes to Chris. We have been having a terrible time connecting by phone, live. I am working while he is off, he is working when I have minutes here and there. It has been a terrible situation. Chris is by far my best friend and when he doesn't know what is happening in my life and when I don't know what is happening in his life, it makes me sad! We just talked about little things, honestly the most important part of the call was just hearing his voice! He then promised to call again before going to bed. Then my phone died and even after plugging it in I could not seem to get it to come on. Finally, around 11:30pm I was able to get it to come on and there was a good night text from Chris, telling me he had headed to bed. I was crushed. I had so hoped to hear his voice. I started to blog and then the phone rang. Chris asks if it was too late to call a lady....Oh how lovely to be pursued! How amazing to hear his voice twice in one day.
I am not just writing this to make everyone sick.... I promise. Don't get me wrong I do enjoy talking about Chris just for the sake of talking :) I am still giddy about him!!!! But tonight I am writing this because today as I contemplated the amazing people who have continually lead me closer to Christ, I was reminded how God has my entire life been pursuing me, with His word, music and amazing mentors! He has been wanting to talk to me, wanting to hear my voice, wanting to have an amazing relationship with me. It is as if he has tapped these people on the shoulder and said, "hey, I would really like to spend time with Beth... please tell her.... will you pass her this note...."
So today I spent time specifically praying for those who have helped me to know my Savior better. That was such a joy! Praying for those around us is also an incredible way to bury the (C).
Perhaps the best part of my day was getting to talk for a few minutes to Chris. We have been having a terrible time connecting by phone, live. I am working while he is off, he is working when I have minutes here and there. It has been a terrible situation. Chris is by far my best friend and when he doesn't know what is happening in my life and when I don't know what is happening in his life, it makes me sad! We just talked about little things, honestly the most important part of the call was just hearing his voice! He then promised to call again before going to bed. Then my phone died and even after plugging it in I could not seem to get it to come on. Finally, around 11:30pm I was able to get it to come on and there was a good night text from Chris, telling me he had headed to bed. I was crushed. I had so hoped to hear his voice. I started to blog and then the phone rang. Chris asks if it was too late to call a lady....Oh how lovely to be pursued! How amazing to hear his voice twice in one day.
I am not just writing this to make everyone sick.... I promise. Don't get me wrong I do enjoy talking about Chris just for the sake of talking :) I am still giddy about him!!!! But tonight I am writing this because today as I contemplated the amazing people who have continually lead me closer to Christ, I was reminded how God has my entire life been pursuing me, with His word, music and amazing mentors! He has been wanting to talk to me, wanting to hear my voice, wanting to have an amazing relationship with me. It is as if he has tapped these people on the shoulder and said, "hey, I would really like to spend time with Beth... please tell her.... will you pass her this note...."
A Visit
Knock,
knock, knock, . . .. You are used to hearing the same knock on
your door every morning. It may be
familiar but it still unleashes the anticipation butterflies in your
stomach. Anticipation of the visit to
come . . . Butterflies from the childlike hope that it will be as wonderful as
the day before.
The
beautiful morning rays are dancing on the walls as you walk down the hall,
almost daring you to run, but you purposely slow your pace so you won’t appear
too eager. The fluttering in your
stomach quickens as you reach the foyer.
Your hand reaches for the doorknob, you pause, take a deep breath and
for a split second you wonder . . .
“Could it be as wonderful as yesterday, will my letting him down change
how he feels about me, has he really forgiven me? Can he forgive and forget, . . . the visit yesterday was so perfect . .
. will the visit today go as well?”
You
quickly glance around the house to see that it looks OK . . . it doesn’t. It is far from perfect. For a second you think maybe I should . . .
No . . . He hasn’t noticed before in fact he doesn’t seem to notice anything
but . . . YOU. So you don’t keep him
waiting . . . You turn the knob and open the door.
There he
stands; reality is better than you had remembered. You look up to his face and all your fears
are put to rest. The delighted expectation that you see in his eyes surprises
you. It almost seems as if he wants to
be there more than you. Is that possible
when you know the deep desire you have to be with him?
You exchange pleasantries. You comment on the beautiful morning and it
is decided that you will sit on the front porch and soak in all the early
morning’s gifts. He puts out his hand
and helps you sit down on the steps. You
share how excited you are he is there.
You want him to understand how much you love these moments with
him. You share about your day and the
plans you have. He asks questions and
the conversation takes off.
After a
while you invite him inside and you start fixing breakfast. While you rinse the strawberries and put them
in your nicest crystal bowl, he arranges grapes on a plate and pours the fresh
squeezed orange juice. The conversation
is so comfortable and interesting that you almost miss the timer, which lets
you know the muffins are ready for the table.
As you look at the beautiful spread before you, you wonder . . . If its
beauty is because of the sunlight kissing everything with tiny diamonds or is
it because he is there.
This man
has a way of touching your sole. He
knows just what to say and do to get you to really open up. You are thinking you wish it would never
end. You have longed for this kind of
relationship. And just then he looks at
you, as if he knows your thoughts and tells you how much this time means to him
too. He then asks if he could spend
all day with you. He tells you he won’t
interfere he would just like to be with you.
“ You never know when I may come in handy,” he says. You can’t believe your ears so you look to
his face and the boyish anticipation, mixed with the delightful twinkle in his
eyes seals your decision and you spend the entire day with your SAVIOR FRIEND.
Behold, I
stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I
will come in and will Dine with him, and he with me.
Revelation
3:20
I wrote this many years ago and a friend shared it with a publishing company... the editor told me it was, "icky." She said and I quote, "No one wants to think of God that way!" I was crushed, really crushed. Not that she didn't like my writing, but that the entire concept was wrong... I have put it away for a long time, frankly embarrassed. I am letting that crap go!!! It may not be interesting or even right to anyone, but I know... I really KNOW that my Savior Jesus Christ desires to be with me, and me with him and there is NOTHING inappropriate about that!
Today living MtC involved me letting go of some very old Crap! Embracing what I KNOW and putting it out there! Today living MtC also involved praising God for the people who have helped me know him better!
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
261- Speak my mind!
Today I had an experience that I want to share. Before I do I must warn you! I know this is not what is expected or what I should probably do. I want to tell you a story that brightened my day! A story that warmed my heart, put things in perspective and gave me one more way to live MtC. Yet this story should not be told.... or at least that is how I perceive it. I realize that stories like the one I'm about to share should only be told by an onlooker or a bystander or the main character in the story. It should not be told by me.... but I am about to speak my mind! I am not telling this because of any reason other than I want to share how I was blessed today!
I had been at a school with the students on the recruiting team. We were moving furniture, books, computers, weeding, anything that was needed. We worked for several hours and then headed down the road for a quick bite to eat. We went to Moe's. After ordering my food I went and started to get a drink. I knew I should drink water, I wanted soda, I decided on tea, sweet... unsweet....sweet... unsweet.... SWEET! I decided it was better than soda, not as good as water or unsweet.... just a good in between. Ok, I knew I was making excuses, but I was going to do it anyway. So I fill my cup with ice and then I started to dispense the sweet tea into my cup... and the ENTIRE nozzle fell out into my hand sending a geyser of warm tea about 3 feet out onto the floor, all over me, my sandals, my shirt. I quickly tried to put the nozzle back which created a fountain, so now it was in my hair. I decided there was no way to make it stop so I just put my thumb over the hole and it worked. About that time the lady from behind the counter came to help. She had an average size cup and she insisted she had it... I took my thumb off and again the geyser went everywhere. I quickly put my thumb back on and she then replaced it with her thumb and waited for a guy to come and carry it into the kitchen while she kept her thumb in place. What a mess. My purse and all it's contents were soaking with sweet tea. I was covered. I tried to clean out my purse but the dryer it got the stickier it got. Oh why didn't I pick unsweet!!!!! I kept beating myself up over the malfunction of their equipment..... OK I was really upset about the fact that I had chosen sweet tea and now I couldn't even fake it because I was soaked in it, I was sticking to everything, and everything in my purse I could carry palm open because it just stuck to me. First of all, when it first happened I caught the eyes of a woman whose table was closest to the mess and her face showed that of disgust. I felt like a little kid who had broken something and everyone was now mad. Even the lady who came to help me didn't apologize, no one from the store did, leaving me feeling ick. I know for those of you who are adults reading this you are thinking.... good grief Beth.... their dispenser broke.... it was not your fault.... don't sweat it....!!!!
I know! I know it logically, but it is not the logical thoughts that haunt me, or the logical thoughts that make up much of the Crap I am trying to rid myself of. I am saying in that split second, I felt little. I had to go outside and empty my purse because there was so much tea in it I didn't want to get it all over the floor inside. So outside I stood there with Stacy a friend and we had to empty the contents of my purse for all the world to see as we decided what was salvageable and what needed to just be thrown away. Stacy finally just went and got a plastic bag and we put everything in it and left my purse outside to dry.
After this eventful lunch we headed back to do a little more work at the school, before heading back to shower and get ready for vacation bible school. I now felt so disgusting. I was sticky from head to toe, and I realized I was fighting piles of Crap.
We left a couple hours later and the gas light came on in the Shuttle as I started it. Now we needed gas.... I was so tired overwhelmed that I just almost could not bear to stop. I wanted to cry and take a shower, I wanted to stop feeling like a stupid child and rid myself of the sticky reminder of it all! I did not want to stop for gas, have to get into my sticky wallet to take out my sticky credit card to pay for gas!!!!!!!!!
I had no choice. There was a gas station just minutes away and we stopped. I wanted to ask a student to pump the gas but frankly I felt too weak to muster the question. I got out into the heat, and started pumping gas. Now to fill a shuttle takes a long time, a really long time. I just leaned up against the shuttle and obsessed about my day. I was wallowing in self pitty! It was ugly. Then a car drove up on the other side of the pump directly across from me. It was an older SUV with a large African American woman driving. She proceeded to fumble through her purse and pull out three dollar bills, then she went to digging in her purse. Her window was down and I could hear the coins and then saw her counting. Then she picked up a jar of pennies.... my pump stopped and I stepped around to her side of the pump approached her car and scared her to death!!! She jumped, I apologized and then asked if I could fill up her car? She said, "Yes?" as a question. I started to run my credit card through the card reader and I hear her say, "what will I owe you?" I told her nothing. She then kept saying, "I can't believe it, I can't believe it." I started the gas going, and she got out of the car, as she approached me I noticed her shirt was a McDonalds polo shirt, she asked if she could give me a hug and we embraced. I have to say it was longer than a normal stranger hug. I needed that hug as much as she did. As I had watched her count out dollars and change, I saw myself.... forgetting credit cards, being so disorganized, eating too much sugar (drinking sweet tea.... or wearing it!) This lady was me, and I wanted to help me!
After we hugged, she again asked if she owed me anything and I assured her nothing! I smiled and got back in the shuttle and drove away. I can tell you in that moment, I had buried deep the crap of the day and more! It was not just buried, but it was already sprouting Red Poppies! I could not believe the difference. I went from being miserable to joy filled! The CRAP was gone!!!! Absolutely gone!
I know a good story of people helping people should never be told by the person doing the helping. It somehow in our minds takes away from the story. But tonight I wanted to speak my mind!!!! I wanted to tell it like it is! We need to be talking about helping! We need to be sharing how healing it is!!!!! I am not bragging, but speaking my mind, and tonight my mind is filled with gratitude for the lessons I learned!
I wanted tonight to share with you the good, the bad and the sticky of my day! It was quite a day, but hands down one of the strongest lessons I have learned so far. I have known it is good to help others to focus on others, but today I experienced in a powerful way how healing it is! I have done things like this before, but today I realized how much I needed to give! So many times I talk myself out of helping, I say things like, "I don't want to embarrass them, maybe they don't really need it etc. etc." Today as she dug through that purse I felt as if it were me digging, today I saw the struggle in her face, and my heart ached so much for her I could not even think of an excuse! I needed to help. This was not in any way a selfless act! I gained so much.
Today living MtC was made possible because of giving!
I had been at a school with the students on the recruiting team. We were moving furniture, books, computers, weeding, anything that was needed. We worked for several hours and then headed down the road for a quick bite to eat. We went to Moe's. After ordering my food I went and started to get a drink. I knew I should drink water, I wanted soda, I decided on tea, sweet... unsweet....sweet... unsweet.... SWEET! I decided it was better than soda, not as good as water or unsweet.... just a good in between. Ok, I knew I was making excuses, but I was going to do it anyway. So I fill my cup with ice and then I started to dispense the sweet tea into my cup... and the ENTIRE nozzle fell out into my hand sending a geyser of warm tea about 3 feet out onto the floor, all over me, my sandals, my shirt. I quickly tried to put the nozzle back which created a fountain, so now it was in my hair. I decided there was no way to make it stop so I just put my thumb over the hole and it worked. About that time the lady from behind the counter came to help. She had an average size cup and she insisted she had it... I took my thumb off and again the geyser went everywhere. I quickly put my thumb back on and she then replaced it with her thumb and waited for a guy to come and carry it into the kitchen while she kept her thumb in place. What a mess. My purse and all it's contents were soaking with sweet tea. I was covered. I tried to clean out my purse but the dryer it got the stickier it got. Oh why didn't I pick unsweet!!!!! I kept beating myself up over the malfunction of their equipment..... OK I was really upset about the fact that I had chosen sweet tea and now I couldn't even fake it because I was soaked in it, I was sticking to everything, and everything in my purse I could carry palm open because it just stuck to me. First of all, when it first happened I caught the eyes of a woman whose table was closest to the mess and her face showed that of disgust. I felt like a little kid who had broken something and everyone was now mad. Even the lady who came to help me didn't apologize, no one from the store did, leaving me feeling ick. I know for those of you who are adults reading this you are thinking.... good grief Beth.... their dispenser broke.... it was not your fault.... don't sweat it....!!!!
I know! I know it logically, but it is not the logical thoughts that haunt me, or the logical thoughts that make up much of the Crap I am trying to rid myself of. I am saying in that split second, I felt little. I had to go outside and empty my purse because there was so much tea in it I didn't want to get it all over the floor inside. So outside I stood there with Stacy a friend and we had to empty the contents of my purse for all the world to see as we decided what was salvageable and what needed to just be thrown away. Stacy finally just went and got a plastic bag and we put everything in it and left my purse outside to dry.
After this eventful lunch we headed back to do a little more work at the school, before heading back to shower and get ready for vacation bible school. I now felt so disgusting. I was sticky from head to toe, and I realized I was fighting piles of Crap.
We left a couple hours later and the gas light came on in the Shuttle as I started it. Now we needed gas.... I was so tired overwhelmed that I just almost could not bear to stop. I wanted to cry and take a shower, I wanted to stop feeling like a stupid child and rid myself of the sticky reminder of it all! I did not want to stop for gas, have to get into my sticky wallet to take out my sticky credit card to pay for gas!!!!!!!!!
I had no choice. There was a gas station just minutes away and we stopped. I wanted to ask a student to pump the gas but frankly I felt too weak to muster the question. I got out into the heat, and started pumping gas. Now to fill a shuttle takes a long time, a really long time. I just leaned up against the shuttle and obsessed about my day. I was wallowing in self pitty! It was ugly. Then a car drove up on the other side of the pump directly across from me. It was an older SUV with a large African American woman driving. She proceeded to fumble through her purse and pull out three dollar bills, then she went to digging in her purse. Her window was down and I could hear the coins and then saw her counting. Then she picked up a jar of pennies.... my pump stopped and I stepped around to her side of the pump approached her car and scared her to death!!! She jumped, I apologized and then asked if I could fill up her car? She said, "Yes?" as a question. I started to run my credit card through the card reader and I hear her say, "what will I owe you?" I told her nothing. She then kept saying, "I can't believe it, I can't believe it." I started the gas going, and she got out of the car, as she approached me I noticed her shirt was a McDonalds polo shirt, she asked if she could give me a hug and we embraced. I have to say it was longer than a normal stranger hug. I needed that hug as much as she did. As I had watched her count out dollars and change, I saw myself.... forgetting credit cards, being so disorganized, eating too much sugar (drinking sweet tea.... or wearing it!) This lady was me, and I wanted to help me!
After we hugged, she again asked if she owed me anything and I assured her nothing! I smiled and got back in the shuttle and drove away. I can tell you in that moment, I had buried deep the crap of the day and more! It was not just buried, but it was already sprouting Red Poppies! I could not believe the difference. I went from being miserable to joy filled! The CRAP was gone!!!! Absolutely gone!
I know a good story of people helping people should never be told by the person doing the helping. It somehow in our minds takes away from the story. But tonight I wanted to speak my mind!!!! I wanted to tell it like it is! We need to be talking about helping! We need to be sharing how healing it is!!!!! I am not bragging, but speaking my mind, and tonight my mind is filled with gratitude for the lessons I learned!
I wanted tonight to share with you the good, the bad and the sticky of my day! It was quite a day, but hands down one of the strongest lessons I have learned so far. I have known it is good to help others to focus on others, but today I experienced in a powerful way how healing it is! I have done things like this before, but today I realized how much I needed to give! So many times I talk myself out of helping, I say things like, "I don't want to embarrass them, maybe they don't really need it etc. etc." Today as she dug through that purse I felt as if it were me digging, today I saw the struggle in her face, and my heart ached so much for her I could not even think of an excuse! I needed to help. This was not in any way a selfless act! I gained so much.
Today living MtC was made possible because of giving!
Monday, June 11, 2012
260- Close to the count down!
I am five days from starting the last 100 posts. It is amazing to me to think I am that close to completing this year long journey. Driving today across country I spent some time contemplating the past two hundred and fifty nine days... am I any closer to having more days or more hours in the day when I am not treasuring piles of (C)? Is it easier to identify? The next 5 days I am going to consider a way or a focus for the last 100 posts. I am considering a couple options so stay tuned.
Today as I drove the shuttle from Fayetteville, NC to Kernersville, NC we passed a lot of so so scenery. Nothing very spectacular, no mountains, no amazing sky, just tree lined highway with sky so unmemorable I can't tell you if it was blue, sunny or over cast. I kept hoping for something that was spectacular or interesting, something to speak to me, remind me of something, or tell a story. At one point I saw buzzards eating a carcass.... not exactly the inspiring view I was hoping for. Then finally up ahead in the nondescript scenery was a stretch of highway with the tall lights with arms reaching out over the highway. I love those tall gray lights.
Now we were driving mid day so the view of the upcoming lights were not spectacular like this picture... they were just tall grey arms reaching out over both lanes of traffic. As I approached them I realized how much I love the look of these lights. At first I was puzzled as to why... and then I remembered. As a child, we seemed to always be traveling somewhere. I would spend hours in the back seat, with my head leaning against the window. I can remember in Ethiopia driving that way at night and seeing nothing, not a light not anything except blackness unless the moon and the stars were out. I can remember driving like that with my head against the window and looking up at signs as we passed through towns in the US. I have so many memories... but hands down my favorite of all my window memories was driving late at night, the whole car being asleep except for the driver and me, I would press my face up against the window and when those tall double armed grey lights would come into view. It was the most magical thing. Every car sparkled, the light danced off of every surface, at times it would be so bright it seemed like day, but it wasn't, It was a magical time. I would hope to run into those lights. Today as I shared my memory with Becca, I realized the reason I loved it so much was because of the sparkle and the energy it brought. I do like a beautiful moon or a sky full of stars, or the total blackness. It is all peaceful and calming! But those lights, those lights brought so much to life, and the sparkle against the cars was a beautiful sight.
I know I have blogged a lot about sparkle. In fact I just did a couple days ago. Perhaps because sparkle is important to me. It represents a freedom to be who I want to be, the gaudy adorned little girl with fake gems on, it represents cleanliness, it represents polish and order, it represents beauty, it represents energy and joy! I love peoples eyes that sparkle, the ocean on a sunny day, diamonds, Christmas lights, greeting cards with glitter, bedazzled clothes, and beveled mirrors. I like to have something that sparkles in every room of my house. I want to sparkle with joy, with anticipation, with freedom, with confidence.
I know when I started this process I had no idea how much I like sparkles, and now I do! That is huge. Perhaps I am aware of my love for sparkles because I am not carrying around as much (C) as I once did. Perhaps it is because I am just a little more free to be me!
Living MtC today included, embracing my love for all things that sparkle!!!!
Today as I drove the shuttle from Fayetteville, NC to Kernersville, NC we passed a lot of so so scenery. Nothing very spectacular, no mountains, no amazing sky, just tree lined highway with sky so unmemorable I can't tell you if it was blue, sunny or over cast. I kept hoping for something that was spectacular or interesting, something to speak to me, remind me of something, or tell a story. At one point I saw buzzards eating a carcass.... not exactly the inspiring view I was hoping for. Then finally up ahead in the nondescript scenery was a stretch of highway with the tall lights with arms reaching out over the highway. I love those tall gray lights.
Now we were driving mid day so the view of the upcoming lights were not spectacular like this picture... they were just tall grey arms reaching out over both lanes of traffic. As I approached them I realized how much I love the look of these lights. At first I was puzzled as to why... and then I remembered. As a child, we seemed to always be traveling somewhere. I would spend hours in the back seat, with my head leaning against the window. I can remember in Ethiopia driving that way at night and seeing nothing, not a light not anything except blackness unless the moon and the stars were out. I can remember driving like that with my head against the window and looking up at signs as we passed through towns in the US. I have so many memories... but hands down my favorite of all my window memories was driving late at night, the whole car being asleep except for the driver and me, I would press my face up against the window and when those tall double armed grey lights would come into view. It was the most magical thing. Every car sparkled, the light danced off of every surface, at times it would be so bright it seemed like day, but it wasn't, It was a magical time. I would hope to run into those lights. Today as I shared my memory with Becca, I realized the reason I loved it so much was because of the sparkle and the energy it brought. I do like a beautiful moon or a sky full of stars, or the total blackness. It is all peaceful and calming! But those lights, those lights brought so much to life, and the sparkle against the cars was a beautiful sight.
I know I have blogged a lot about sparkle. In fact I just did a couple days ago. Perhaps because sparkle is important to me. It represents a freedom to be who I want to be, the gaudy adorned little girl with fake gems on, it represents cleanliness, it represents polish and order, it represents beauty, it represents energy and joy! I love peoples eyes that sparkle, the ocean on a sunny day, diamonds, Christmas lights, greeting cards with glitter, bedazzled clothes, and beveled mirrors. I like to have something that sparkles in every room of my house. I want to sparkle with joy, with anticipation, with freedom, with confidence.
I know when I started this process I had no idea how much I like sparkles, and now I do! That is huge. Perhaps I am aware of my love for sparkles because I am not carrying around as much (C) as I once did. Perhaps it is because I am just a little more free to be me!
Living MtC today included, embracing my love for all things that sparkle!!!!
Sunday, June 10, 2012
259- Sabbath is a happy Day!
Today we were worshiping with the Fayetteville Church. I have been there for a graduation a couple years ago, but other than that I have never been to this church. It is always a little uncomfortable going to a new church. Yes we are all Seventh-day Adventist Christians, but there is no question it is like going into another persons home, it can be nice but not the same as being home.
We were able to show our video and they gave me a couple minutes to talk about Pisgah. Then when the service got under way a gentleman got up and had special music. He was a very nice looking man, military, and then the music started. It was soul filled gospel. Beautiful, then he started to sing, and wow it was amazing. The words were powerful, his voice strong and beautiful, and the music filled with soul! It was amazing! I started to close my eyes and then I realize part of what made is so wonderful was watching him. He obviously had a connection to this song and to the lyrics. Watching him experience it as he sang added to the power. I couldn't help but soak up the amazing words. They talked about coming back to Jesus, about being willing to follow him!
After he finished, I just praised God. I know music is a vital part of this journey of learning to live MtC and today the Lord provided not just any music, but amazing music that completely ministered to my heart! This Sabbath day was filled with other blessings too, like good food, an amazing nap, great fun with the youth of the fayetteville church tonight, and also a great special music given by our students. All in all it was an amazing day! So today again living with out the (C) was made possible because of music and the way it draws me to Christ.
We were able to show our video and they gave me a couple minutes to talk about Pisgah. Then when the service got under way a gentleman got up and had special music. He was a very nice looking man, military, and then the music started. It was soul filled gospel. Beautiful, then he started to sing, and wow it was amazing. The words were powerful, his voice strong and beautiful, and the music filled with soul! It was amazing! I started to close my eyes and then I realize part of what made is so wonderful was watching him. He obviously had a connection to this song and to the lyrics. Watching him experience it as he sang added to the power. I couldn't help but soak up the amazing words. They talked about coming back to Jesus, about being willing to follow him!
After he finished, I just praised God. I know music is a vital part of this journey of learning to live MtC and today the Lord provided not just any music, but amazing music that completely ministered to my heart! This Sabbath day was filled with other blessings too, like good food, an amazing nap, great fun with the youth of the fayetteville church tonight, and also a great special music given by our students. All in all it was an amazing day! So today again living with out the (C) was made possible because of music and the way it draws me to Christ.
Saturday, June 9, 2012
258- I'm caught up!!! Happy Sabbath Everyone!!!!!
I think it is fitting to be caught up on Friday night since I started this journey on a Friday night! Friday night is always my favorite time of the week. Sabbath is nice but I like evening celebrations and Friday night is a weekly one!
So tonight my blog is about snoring, or purring (I've decided we ladies don't snore we just purr! :)) Last night after an incredible long day we arrived in Fayetteville, NC. We are being graciously hosted by a teacher, who is renting a 1950's home that is huge. The girls are sleeping in the living room and the boys in the family room. We are all on the floor, however the girls graciously gave me the couch. As we readied for bed last night I was exhausted. I had a stressful experience (which I will save for another day) and I was finally ready to fall asleep. I was stressed about one thing though. I know I snore. I'm not sure how much or how loud, but I snore, especially when I am exhausted. Knowing how tired I was, I knew I was going to snore... oops... purr. I was stressed that I would bother the girls, and just that little thing made me start piling (C) on myself. After all if I was skinny I most likely wouldn't snore. I just need to loose weight etc. Realizing I was starting to pile (C) on myself, simply because I might "purr", I decided I needed to blog!
So I picked up my computer and started to write out a couple of the blogs I had missed. As I sat there and blogged about random stuff, three of these perfect, tiny, beautiful girls started to purr! Tears came to my eyes as I listened to them purr in rhythmic harmony. Not because they were purring but because it was just a beautiful little gift from God. He could not have said it better. After all, he took perfect youth, what we all wish our bodies would stay, and in that moment took away every possible (C) angle I had!
Today living MtC takes listening to the Holy Spirit! Listen to what he says instead of the (C) we pile on ourselves. As I write there is a chorus of purrers filling the room! What a blessing to here the Holy Spirit say, "sleep my girl, join them and just rest!"
So tonight my blog is about snoring, or purring (I've decided we ladies don't snore we just purr! :)) Last night after an incredible long day we arrived in Fayetteville, NC. We are being graciously hosted by a teacher, who is renting a 1950's home that is huge. The girls are sleeping in the living room and the boys in the family room. We are all on the floor, however the girls graciously gave me the couch. As we readied for bed last night I was exhausted. I had a stressful experience (which I will save for another day) and I was finally ready to fall asleep. I was stressed about one thing though. I know I snore. I'm not sure how much or how loud, but I snore, especially when I am exhausted. Knowing how tired I was, I knew I was going to snore... oops... purr. I was stressed that I would bother the girls, and just that little thing made me start piling (C) on myself. After all if I was skinny I most likely wouldn't snore. I just need to loose weight etc. Realizing I was starting to pile (C) on myself, simply because I might "purr", I decided I needed to blog!
So I picked up my computer and started to write out a couple of the blogs I had missed. As I sat there and blogged about random stuff, three of these perfect, tiny, beautiful girls started to purr! Tears came to my eyes as I listened to them purr in rhythmic harmony. Not because they were purring but because it was just a beautiful little gift from God. He could not have said it better. After all, he took perfect youth, what we all wish our bodies would stay, and in that moment took away every possible (C) angle I had!
Today living MtC takes listening to the Holy Spirit! Listen to what he says instead of the (C) we pile on ourselves. As I write there is a chorus of purrers filling the room! What a blessing to here the Holy Spirit say, "sleep my girl, join them and just rest!"
257- Thursday We say good by
Today, Thursday was our last day in Wilmington. Wed. we had the prayer meeting for the older folks in the main sanctuary. It was nice and God blessed but we were all ready to once again have prayer meeting with the youth. No offense to the older folks, we were just looking forward to a setting more accepting perhaps. The older folks were fine and we appreciated them too, but there is a difference somehow.
That started me thinking about the importance of being a constant welcoming, accepting individual, no matter our age. We are never to old to love those around us. Never to old to see each others strengths instead of their weaknesses. Never to old to embrace each other right where we are at.
Our day was filled with hard work, cleaning and packing, then a few hours at the beach soaking up too much sun, and then to the church to change and praise God. As we were about to start the meeting a mother came up to me, Nicholas' mother. She wanted to talk with me about getting her child into Pisgah. She is struggling. We talked, she asked questions and I decided the most important thing I can do is to affirm her, and share my testimony. At one point a man came over where we were and said hello. He seemed a little cool, but I wasn't sure if it was just a personality issue or what. Then the wonderful amazing lady that we had been staying with interrupted to say goodby. I said my goodbys, but I kept hearing what was being said next to me. The man who had walked up was telling this woman that she didn't need to send him to Pisgah, he suggested they find a very conservative self supporting school. He talked about the influences etc. It was so discouraging. After saying my goodbys I went back and sat down next to the woman. The man had now left and she asked me a question about something, but I just ignored it and again said, "let me just tell you what my experience has been. What I have seen in my children. I am going to share with you one mother to another. I can't say it will be your experience or that Nicholas should come to Pisgah, I just want to share with you my testimony, and please use it as you prayerfully consider what is right for your family." I started in on what has happened for my boy, about our dean, etc. She then got real serious and said, "this is what I need to hear! I am tired and done with hearing about what people are afraid of! I want to hear what God HAS done, not all the other fearful stuff. Your right, it might not be right for him, but I need to hear what it has been and can be!"
I left that conversation even more convicted of the importance to share my story! To share my testimony! The importance of not sharing just facts and figures but sharing what Christ has done in the lives of my kids! I also think it is far more important that we have a story to share than a doctrine to teach or a prophesy to profess. Don't get me wrong I'm not saying we should not have them! I am not saying they are not important I am simply saying it is far more important that we have a story to tell! Because to have a story you have to have an experiment. To have a story you have to have a relationship with Christ!
Again, to live a MtC life I know it is vitally important that we have a testimony to share to the world!
That started me thinking about the importance of being a constant welcoming, accepting individual, no matter our age. We are never to old to love those around us. Never to old to see each others strengths instead of their weaknesses. Never to old to embrace each other right where we are at.
Our day was filled with hard work, cleaning and packing, then a few hours at the beach soaking up too much sun, and then to the church to change and praise God. As we were about to start the meeting a mother came up to me, Nicholas' mother. She wanted to talk with me about getting her child into Pisgah. She is struggling. We talked, she asked questions and I decided the most important thing I can do is to affirm her, and share my testimony. At one point a man came over where we were and said hello. He seemed a little cool, but I wasn't sure if it was just a personality issue or what. Then the wonderful amazing lady that we had been staying with interrupted to say goodby. I said my goodbys, but I kept hearing what was being said next to me. The man who had walked up was telling this woman that she didn't need to send him to Pisgah, he suggested they find a very conservative self supporting school. He talked about the influences etc. It was so discouraging. After saying my goodbys I went back and sat down next to the woman. The man had now left and she asked me a question about something, but I just ignored it and again said, "let me just tell you what my experience has been. What I have seen in my children. I am going to share with you one mother to another. I can't say it will be your experience or that Nicholas should come to Pisgah, I just want to share with you my testimony, and please use it as you prayerfully consider what is right for your family." I started in on what has happened for my boy, about our dean, etc. She then got real serious and said, "this is what I need to hear! I am tired and done with hearing about what people are afraid of! I want to hear what God HAS done, not all the other fearful stuff. Your right, it might not be right for him, but I need to hear what it has been and can be!"
I left that conversation even more convicted of the importance to share my story! To share my testimony! The importance of not sharing just facts and figures but sharing what Christ has done in the lives of my kids! I also think it is far more important that we have a story to share than a doctrine to teach or a prophesy to profess. Don't get me wrong I'm not saying we should not have them! I am not saying they are not important I am simply saying it is far more important that we have a story to tell! Because to have a story you have to have an experiment. To have a story you have to have a relationship with Christ!
Again, to live a MtC life I know it is vitally important that we have a testimony to share to the world!
256- Wed, Rain, rain go away!
Wednesday we spent inside, just resting and relaxing while it rained outside. Rain has such a soothing effect. Today it took away the pull to head to the beach, leaving nothing much to do except to rest. I slept in late, and then took another nap! I have to say it has been a long time since I have had a nap much less two naps in one week.
Wednesday afternoon the sun came out, it was a nice touch! Sun coming out after the rain is so refreshing, or so energizing. Becca went out to bask in it for a while and I lay on the bed watching the scenery reflected in the mirror at the foot of our bed. It was so beautiful, the sun hitting all the rain kissed grass, leaves and flowers. I like sparkle! I like all things that sparkle and today after the rain it was as if the entire world was sparkling! The sparkle just filled my heart with a continued desire to sparkle. I also was struck by how I noticed the sparkle. I am sure having a nap helped. Feeling rested for the first time in a very long time was helpful.
I really think my desire for sparkle stems from feeling so "dirty" so covered in the stuff. I know this concept of (C) is relatively new for me and yet when I think back over my life, I have felt dirty. I remember when I was 4 my picture was in Mount Vernon Academy's Year Book. I was in a picture that was used for the ABC's ad. There I was in a dirty shirt, my less than fresh looking corduroys, uncombed hair and some of my lunch on my shirt. I was looking at a little children's book rack. I remember that picture so vividly. I also remember thinking how terrible I looked, how dirty. I don't think until today had it occurred to me how young I was and how completely covered in (C) I felt! Who knows why I was looking such a mess. I certainly was not that way all the time. I had a mother who liked us looking nice and most pictures I have seen I looked like a little angel. Yet that one bad day, that one bad picture had an impact on me at age 4.
Today living MtC, I just enjoyed the rest and the sparkle that God provided with the rain and the sunshine! Today I am more determined to continue praising God, keeping his testimony on my lips, enjoying his creation and sparkling for Him!!!!
Wednesday afternoon the sun came out, it was a nice touch! Sun coming out after the rain is so refreshing, or so energizing. Becca went out to bask in it for a while and I lay on the bed watching the scenery reflected in the mirror at the foot of our bed. It was so beautiful, the sun hitting all the rain kissed grass, leaves and flowers. I like sparkle! I like all things that sparkle and today after the rain it was as if the entire world was sparkling! The sparkle just filled my heart with a continued desire to sparkle. I also was struck by how I noticed the sparkle. I am sure having a nap helped. Feeling rested for the first time in a very long time was helpful.
I really think my desire for sparkle stems from feeling so "dirty" so covered in the stuff. I know this concept of (C) is relatively new for me and yet when I think back over my life, I have felt dirty. I remember when I was 4 my picture was in Mount Vernon Academy's Year Book. I was in a picture that was used for the ABC's ad. There I was in a dirty shirt, my less than fresh looking corduroys, uncombed hair and some of my lunch on my shirt. I was looking at a little children's book rack. I remember that picture so vividly. I also remember thinking how terrible I looked, how dirty. I don't think until today had it occurred to me how young I was and how completely covered in (C) I felt! Who knows why I was looking such a mess. I certainly was not that way all the time. I had a mother who liked us looking nice and most pictures I have seen I looked like a little angel. Yet that one bad day, that one bad picture had an impact on me at age 4.
Today living MtC, I just enjoyed the rest and the sparkle that God provided with the rain and the sunshine! Today I am more determined to continue praising God, keeping his testimony on my lips, enjoying his creation and sparkling for Him!!!!
255- Still getting Caught up on Posting....Tues. Back to Work!
After our amazing day of rest on Monday we got back to work. We started by practicing music for a "prayer meeting" with the youth in the Wilmington Church. The recruiting team started practicing and Becca directed them. It was such a blessing watching her share her wisdom and talent with the younger generation. The recruiting team also seemed to really appreciate her guidance. In a matter of hours they really came together and started making some really wonderful music. At one point one of the girls asked if Becca was going to sing and she just said, "Oh no this is about you." She is such a talent and I love hearing her sing, and yet watching her mentor was a huge blessing too! I am so proud of her!
After practice and a little rest we headed to pick up pizza and then ended up at the church. At first no one showed up. Then a couple girls and later a boy. We sang, had a worship and then played a couple mixer type games. It was fun and simple. We found out that the boy desperately wants to come to Pisgah. He needs funds and to convince his dad to let him go. He is in our prayers. You can pray too! His name is Nicholas.
As we fell into bed, I was struck by how little (C) I had dealt with all day! There are two things that I know made a difference today! First, our day was filled with praising God. Practicing, praising God and then praising God. Watching others praise God. Praise is like the water that washes the crap off and the soil that covers it up! Praise heals, praise rejuvenates, praise is a necessary element of living a life MtC! Second, today was a day all about sharing Christ with others. I suppose it is a type of praise too! But spending time sharing Christ, sharing his love, what he has done for me kept my eyes on him, kept my heart yearning and thankful! So keeping my testimony of what he has done for me in the forefront of my mind is also important in living a MtC life!
So today living MtC was possible because of praise and my testimony! Praise God from whom all blessings flow!
After practice and a little rest we headed to pick up pizza and then ended up at the church. At first no one showed up. Then a couple girls and later a boy. We sang, had a worship and then played a couple mixer type games. It was fun and simple. We found out that the boy desperately wants to come to Pisgah. He needs funds and to convince his dad to let him go. He is in our prayers. You can pray too! His name is Nicholas.
As we fell into bed, I was struck by how little (C) I had dealt with all day! There are two things that I know made a difference today! First, our day was filled with praising God. Practicing, praising God and then praising God. Watching others praise God. Praise is like the water that washes the crap off and the soil that covers it up! Praise heals, praise rejuvenates, praise is a necessary element of living a life MtC! Second, today was a day all about sharing Christ with others. I suppose it is a type of praise too! But spending time sharing Christ, sharing his love, what he has done for me kept my eyes on him, kept my heart yearning and thankful! So keeping my testimony of what he has done for me in the forefront of my mind is also important in living a MtC life!
So today living MtC was possible because of praise and my testimony! Praise God from whom all blessings flow!
Friday, June 8, 2012
254- Ahhhh Rest!!!!
I have almost nothing to post.... Certainly nothing to post about Crap!!!! We arrived at the beach house on Topsail Island, NC at 2:15 a.m. on Monday. What a long day Sunday had been. We had packed up from one location, hosted an open house, packed up from the second location and driven 6 or more hours across the state where we unpacked again. What a day. We declared Monday a day of REST!!!!!
We all slept in, fended for our selves. Ate simple food and just soaked up as much rest as possible. I really have nothing to say except, this whole idea of living MtC is so much easier when you are rested. It is hard to think (C) when you are sleeping, lounging or just resting!!!
It was a much needed, amazing day!!!
We all slept in, fended for our selves. Ate simple food and just soaked up as much rest as possible. I really have nothing to say except, this whole idea of living MtC is so much easier when you are rested. It is hard to think (C) when you are sleeping, lounging or just resting!!!
It was a much needed, amazing day!!!
253- Sunday Open House
Sunday morning of camp meeting is usually a wonderful time. We are able to clean, pack up and then go to Shoneys for breakfast. It has been a long standing family tradition. This Sunday was very different. Yes we had to pack and clean but then we were off to Pisgah to host an open house. The team gathered and we headed over to the school. Becca, already had things together and was going strong. It was amazing watching her work, her spark, her ideas. It was such a blessing.
Open House was a huge success. Several families attended, we served lunch to 55 people, gave tours, and 5 families had conversations with Kevin, the finance guy! That is usually a very good sign.
After Open House we started cleaning up and packing to head 6 plus hours to the coast. Things were a mess and I spent time trying to get things organized and know what we wanted to do! After getting everything loaded, after getting everything in the shuttle, we said our goodby's, and I started the shuttle. Before heading off campus, I felt impressed that I needed to look for my credit card. All week at camp meeting, my daughter Anna and her friend Brittani took my credit card to do the grocery shopping. I thought they had put in back in my wallet but I wasn't sure. I decided to check and sure enough I had nothing. I did find another card to a different account, it was not the account with school funds in it, I was so disappointed. I was disappointed in myself for not making sure I had my card. I was disappointed that I had to call my husband and ask him to bale me out. I had no choice, I called Chris to find out the balance on the other card. In a few minutes we were set and on our way.
It is amazing to me how such a little thing can impact me so much. I just forgot to get the card and yet it created this layer of self loathing. This layer of (C). I literally start calling myself names. It took a while for me to let go of it. As we drove and talked I finally was able to let it go. To focus on the people around me. To find joy in the blessings I was experiencing.
Open House was a huge success. Several families attended, we served lunch to 55 people, gave tours, and 5 families had conversations with Kevin, the finance guy! That is usually a very good sign.
After Open House we started cleaning up and packing to head 6 plus hours to the coast. Things were a mess and I spent time trying to get things organized and know what we wanted to do! After getting everything loaded, after getting everything in the shuttle, we said our goodby's, and I started the shuttle. Before heading off campus, I felt impressed that I needed to look for my credit card. All week at camp meeting, my daughter Anna and her friend Brittani took my credit card to do the grocery shopping. I thought they had put in back in my wallet but I wasn't sure. I decided to check and sure enough I had nothing. I did find another card to a different account, it was not the account with school funds in it, I was so disappointed. I was disappointed in myself for not making sure I had my card. I was disappointed that I had to call my husband and ask him to bale me out. I had no choice, I called Chris to find out the balance on the other card. In a few minutes we were set and on our way.
It is amazing to me how such a little thing can impact me so much. I just forgot to get the card and yet it created this layer of self loathing. This layer of (C). I literally start calling myself names. It took a while for me to let go of it. As we drove and talked I finally was able to let it go. To focus on the people around me. To find joy in the blessings I was experiencing.
Thursday, June 7, 2012
252-Sabbath Camp meeting style!
Sabbath is a crazy day at camp meeting. We have huge numbers of people to feed, meetings to speak in, and people to greet! Becca had asked if we could do worship at sunrise up on the hill next to this huge cross over looking the lake. It is a beautiful spot and it was a wonderful team building idea for this amazing group of students, I will be working with all summer. However sunrise, really? That is like 6a.m.
I agreed and we told the students to meet us in the shuttle at 5:50. We could walk but that would add lots of time so we drove up. As we were waiting for the last couple students to arrive we talked about how we didn't expect one of the students to be there. Bradley. Bradley was working for the book store this week and he would be working saterday night until 3a.m. or so. He wanted to sleep in Sat. morning to get some sleep. We agreed he didn't have to come. After everyone else was there we decided he was a no show and headed up the hill to the cross. Arriving at the top, we see a car parked up there and Becca exclaimed, "Oh no someone else is here... Oh well.... it will be fine." As we get out of the shuttle Bradley gets out of the car. We hadn't recognized his car. I can not begin to tell you how excited we were to have the entire team there. We were so thrilled! It felt complete it felt right. Our worship was very special and a moment we will all remember!
Isn't the setting alone enough to make you want to worship. The reminder of what he did for us and then the beauty in the nature he created for us. What a place to worship him! We did and it was an amazing experience because we were all there!
This day started right, continued to be a very blessed day. We met lots of wonderful people, the video was well received and every thing happened.
This day, the sabbath day ended with me going to sleep well before normal bed time, with my husband cleaning the kitchen, so I didn't have to face it the next day!
This day was a day MtC!!!!!! I strongly believe it was because of how it started. My view was of Him and his love, my view was heaven ward, and I was able to go through the day finding Him at every turn. What a blessing these kind of days are!
I also was reminded today of how important it is to our Savior that we all show up! He wants us all, he doesn't want just some, just the cleaned up and pretty, he wants all of us to love him, to give our lives to him! He wants all of us completely. I understood why Bradley wouldn't be there. It was a perfectly good reason, but I still wanted him to be there.
How much more must our Savior rejoice when we come before him!
I agreed and we told the students to meet us in the shuttle at 5:50. We could walk but that would add lots of time so we drove up. As we were waiting for the last couple students to arrive we talked about how we didn't expect one of the students to be there. Bradley. Bradley was working for the book store this week and he would be working saterday night until 3a.m. or so. He wanted to sleep in Sat. morning to get some sleep. We agreed he didn't have to come. After everyone else was there we decided he was a no show and headed up the hill to the cross. Arriving at the top, we see a car parked up there and Becca exclaimed, "Oh no someone else is here... Oh well.... it will be fine." As we get out of the shuttle Bradley gets out of the car. We hadn't recognized his car. I can not begin to tell you how excited we were to have the entire team there. We were so thrilled! It felt complete it felt right. Our worship was very special and a moment we will all remember!
Isn't the setting alone enough to make you want to worship. The reminder of what he did for us and then the beauty in the nature he created for us. What a place to worship him! We did and it was an amazing experience because we were all there!
This day started right, continued to be a very blessed day. We met lots of wonderful people, the video was well received and every thing happened.
This day, the sabbath day ended with me going to sleep well before normal bed time, with my husband cleaning the kitchen, so I didn't have to face it the next day!
This day was a day MtC!!!!!! I strongly believe it was because of how it started. My view was of Him and his love, my view was heaven ward, and I was able to go through the day finding Him at every turn. What a blessing these kind of days are!
I also was reminded today of how important it is to our Savior that we all show up! He wants us all, he doesn't want just some, just the cleaned up and pretty, he wants all of us to love him, to give our lives to him! He wants all of us completely. I understood why Bradley wouldn't be there. It was a perfectly good reason, but I still wanted him to be there.
How much more must our Savior rejoice when we come before him!
251- Friday of Camp meeting
It is hard to believe the week is almost done. It has been a busy and very eventful week. This morning however, I felt overwhelmed. We had to help out with a fun run 5K/Mile Run/Walk that started at 8, which meant we had to be there at 7:30 a.m. That is hard to do when you are tired from a long week.
After working at the fun run we ended up at the house where Chris had breakfast for all of us. As Becca and I talked about the day and all that had to be done, I became overwhelmed. It has been happening more than normal recently. I'm not sure why. This time it was almost crippling. It seemed impossible. As we started talking Becca suggested some things she could help with. Chris asked what he could do, and I gave him a list. In a matter of a couple hours the list was down to almost nothing. It was a team effort for sure, it took me admitting all that needed to be done! Yet with that vulnerability came help that completely changed my day!
It was the most remarkable experience. I went from KNOWing there was no way I would ever finish the list, to, having it ALL done! I sat on the porch and looked at the list sure I must not have put something on it! Surely I had missed something, or many things because just moments earlier I was so stressed. Now there was nothing! As hard as I tried I could not find anything! Again.... I wanted to cry!!!!
This admitting your vulnerability thing is amazing! I will say this.... in a very sick way, I had to adjust to having accomplished so much without killing myself to make it happen. I have gained so much of my self worth, so much of my value from killing myself to get things done. I "like" to sit back at the end of the day exhausted and amazed at all the work I have done, the crazy things that were accomplished. I like to be the one hauling heavy boxes, I like to be the one running errands and do everything that needs to be done. I love being able to tell those around me that I don't need a thing, because that makes me the hero.... I have spent way to much of my life gaining my worth form what I do, what I accomplish, instead of just who I am!
Today living MtC meant letting others help! What a blessed Friday it was!
After working at the fun run we ended up at the house where Chris had breakfast for all of us. As Becca and I talked about the day and all that had to be done, I became overwhelmed. It has been happening more than normal recently. I'm not sure why. This time it was almost crippling. It seemed impossible. As we started talking Becca suggested some things she could help with. Chris asked what he could do, and I gave him a list. In a matter of a couple hours the list was down to almost nothing. It was a team effort for sure, it took me admitting all that needed to be done! Yet with that vulnerability came help that completely changed my day!
It was the most remarkable experience. I went from KNOWing there was no way I would ever finish the list, to, having it ALL done! I sat on the porch and looked at the list sure I must not have put something on it! Surely I had missed something, or many things because just moments earlier I was so stressed. Now there was nothing! As hard as I tried I could not find anything! Again.... I wanted to cry!!!!
This admitting your vulnerability thing is amazing! I will say this.... in a very sick way, I had to adjust to having accomplished so much without killing myself to make it happen. I have gained so much of my self worth, so much of my value from killing myself to get things done. I "like" to sit back at the end of the day exhausted and amazed at all the work I have done, the crazy things that were accomplished. I like to be the one hauling heavy boxes, I like to be the one running errands and do everything that needs to be done. I love being able to tell those around me that I don't need a thing, because that makes me the hero.... I have spent way to much of my life gaining my worth form what I do, what I accomplish, instead of just who I am!
Today living MtC meant letting others help! What a blessed Friday it was!
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